Hi PHB,

You're getting some great advice here!

I second your need to get your lawyer to write something up stating that you don't want the OM anywhere near your DD.

I also second the idea that you stop emphasizing your WW's sins to your DD. If she asks questions, answer them honestly, but it's best if you focus on teaching her about God.


Kudos to you for waiting before doing anything.

I like what M2L wrote more than this, and here's why...

When you say things this way...

You have no idea what she was thinking when she climbed into your lap. She MAY have been trying to do the right thing, but more than likely, she was just trying to find comfort in your arms.

You're going to have to work at not telling her the rightness or wrongness of her actions. Teaching, lecturing, preaching to, are all disrespectful judgments. Try to be aware when you think it, and stop yourself from saying it out loud.

I want you to focus on the positive...

How's this sound to you?

I'm sorry I sent that letter without thinking it thru. I've been thinking about the other night when I was holding you in my lap, comforting you. And I realize that I'm not ready to cut you out of my life. I am still your husband, and I still love you and believe we can rebuild our marriage.

I hope others will comment about this message.

~ Marsh

Also, I was thinking about tomorrow when you drop your DD off at her house.

I don't think you should ask her out then.

I DO think you should show up looking great and smelling great. Dress as if you are going some where...don't tell her where.

Be friendly, positive...smile...be upbeat.

And do go some where.

Buy yourself some new clothes.

Some new cologne.

Do something FOR you.

Something that will make YOU happy.

When your WW drops your DD off to YOU is when you should have something planned to do w/ your daughter. Be dressed and ready to go when she pulls in.

Look and smell great again...

Smile!

Tell her what you are going to do w/ your daughter and ask her if she'd like to go along too.

If she says no, you smile and say, OK, see ya later...and hop into your car w/ your DD and go....

~ Marsh

PS: Did you read those links I left for you yesterday?

PPS: What movie did you see today?

I like this one. But I will still wait on others to chime in.

PS answer= Not much as of yet. I am spending QT with my D as much as I can. She is hollering at me now to come play.

PPS answer= Charlotte's Web and it was good. I know you probably will not believe this but my D looks exactly like Dakota Fanning. My pastor even came up to her years ago when she was in Cat in the Hat and told her that. Facially they could pass as twins, even the smile.

I have did some thinking on this one and I seem to like it because it covers alot of info in a short paragragh. I also like that it mentions HUSBAND. I will be sending this on tonight unless I hear of another before I send it. I am still waiting.

"I'm sorry I sent that letter without thinking it thru. I've been thinking about the other night when I was holding you in my lap, comforting you. And I realize that I'm not ready to cut you out of my life. I am still your husband, and I still love you and believe we can rebuild our marriage. God has reminded me that I need to stand for our marriage when it is being attacked and let no man put asunder what God has joined together. He reminded me of my wedding vows to you, and that I meant them, even when I am in terrible pain and hurt."

Are you willing to fight for her? To fight for what is right? To stand in the breach and face the fear?

Philippians 4:13.....Psalm 23.....Psalm 25

I vote for this one, but you know your wife better than us. You need to learn plan A and work this in your own way.

M2L

I think you ought to be careful NOT to preach to your WW.

While I agree w/ the sentiment,

Telling her what God wants sounds preachy to me.

~ Marsh

I believe you about your daughter.

Does she see the resemblance?

I hope to take my girls to see the movie this week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

I understand.

But for Christians, it's not. It's a simple statement of fact, and paranoidHB and his wife are Christians.

[/quote]

But for Christians, it's not. It's a simple statement of fact, and paranoidHB and his wife are Christians. [/quote]


Maybe true but at the moment I don't believe she is thinking like one. So I second MM thoughts.

I am willing to die for her!

I know she doesn't want to be preached to so I will stick with the first on so far.

I just want her to know that I haven't give up and coming back strong. For her I will do whatever it takes. God know I will.

As yes she sees the resemblance.

PHB,

Don't expect a positive reply from her when you send her the message.

I'd expect her to reply in a typical wayward fashion...babble.

You're just planting seeds and setting yourself up to begin to work a stellar Plan A.

~ Marsh

10-4 I will be leaving in a few minutes to go over to some of our friends house to bring in the new year. When I get back I will look on here and then send it after the new year. I will get the new year off with a bang.

Ok, have fun!!

But don't drink too much and then text her something ridiculous! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I'm out of here for the night too.

Have a good one everyone!

See ya next year! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

This is what I sent.

Now, right back into Plan A. Don't fret about any response or lack thereof. Study about Plan A and give yourself about 2 months of serious commitment to it. Stay on the forums for support, ask questions and to vent if necessary.

It's really hard to do, but many of us have done it and are here to help you do it too. Seek a way to find some emotional detachment from your wayward wife. See her as someone who is "temporarily insane', because, technically, that's how it is.

Remember that no one thing you do as part of Plan A will make any difference...it's ALL that you do that makes the difference.

Happy New Year!

SD

Very good post SD.

Plan A is about bettering you and not listening to the words that come out of your wife's mouth. She will say anything to hurt you. She will do this to try to push you away so she can feel better about her A.

It is hard work and there is no quick way to do it. I was at it for 7 months. Now my wife hates for me to bring up the things she said to me while in the fog.

Like SD said, no ONE thing will make it better. You have to add them up over time. Also, let your wife see for herself any changes you've made, don't point them out to her.