Cologne suggestion: Bulgari Aqua worked for me (however, it may not be a bad idea to go the fragrance counter and get numerous samples to take home to your wife for her input...then you've got multiple scents that you can try out without having to purchase a specific one UNTIL your WW comments on one particular scent she favors).

The painting idea is a great idea for YOU too. It occupies your time and concentration. It satisfies your male instinct to accomplish something, being effective. The wife inside your WW won't like you messing with her nest...when she arises in protest the WW is confused...she'll ask herself "Why does this bother me", "What do I care what he paints DD bedroom". It creates a little conflict and it demonstrates you are being calm, happy and productive not alone, desparate, rolled up in a corner sucking your thumb. It also can be a bit of a 180...like you are going about making the home yours and moving on without her. The wife inside gets a little nervous that the back up plan of reconciling someday if OM doesn't work out may actually be giving up and moving on.

Mr. Wondering

I will try to find that. I really need to read it too because I was in church this morning and a woman caught my eye. Then the devil would not let me take my eyes off of her. I was asking myself questions while singing in the choir:is she married, who knows her so i can find out, is she looking at me, etc... This is such a tough time.


I don't know how much she talks about it. I may even be exaggerating some times. But I do know that God is working or she would not be running to OM all the time and leaving her DD's behind. She runs to him because he makes everything OK for the time. I think. Maybe I am so hopeful, that I read into things to much and she doesn't care at all. I don't know and I am so confused today.



Yes, She acually stopped by my house yesterday. I rushed that along because I did not want her here. She did say that she was not going to let him come back even if he asked because she didn't want to be compared to my WW.

I don't think I am aroud her enough to have her comment on it. I will try that though. Sample are free. I need free right now.


Does she really even care? In talks with her about Separation and stuff, she doesn't want anything. She told her Lawyer she wants out, she don't want the house, 401K, IRA or anything she just wants out. How can she say all of this and do the things she is doing and care at all about Me or what I do. She has no money, no furniture or nothing and she don't even want half of what she can get. That to me doesn't make sense.

My WW was the same way. She just wanted her personal items. She would have been flat broke and been living on credit cards. It's like a bargain. She offers you the money so you just let her go. That way she doesn't have to feel as guilty about what she has done. But if you don't take the offer, you show her that you truly don't care about the money, and that you are in this for her. That will shake a WW up. I've done all of this to my BH, I offered him all our assets, and he still wants me? They can't help but realize how much you care about them at that point. It makes it harder for them to rationalize their behavior as well.

I hope I will accomplish that when she gets my letter from the lawyer this week.

I was about to say the same thing Jim did but darn it he beat me to it...lol.

She does "want" something...a quick easy painless divorce which she believes will alleviate the conflict she feels. It won't. Try to look beyond the actions for the reasons...it all comes down to her addiction...a fight with you interferes (on many levels) with her relationship with OM so why fight. OM will supposedly provide for her. Also, perhaps, if she fights you, he fights his wife and the "riding off into the sunset" is delayed...they mutually want to quickly put their past lives behind them under the illusion that happiness awaits them.

Yes...cologne samples are free. Play off on the sales associate that your birthday is coming up and your wife wants to get you a nice cologne, she wants you to pick out a few samples you like then surprise you with her choice amoung them. The samples will more than suffice for a long, long time.

Mr. Wondering

off topic, but I want to thank you Mr & Mrs W for all the help you gave me - it paid off!!!

pHB,
I don't know how to attach files, but I'll look to bump up the tool kit from Bob pure

And trust us...she'll notice <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ok pBH,

Check out Bob pure's tool box under the heading

"temptation of a BH in plan A"

I think that is right or close to it. Read the whole thing - it is a must.

PHB,

Since you're looking for a new cologne, I've got to be honest w/ you... I personally don't like the smell of Axe cologne. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I'd rather a man just smelled clean. But, there are some colognes out there that are really divine. The more expensive brands. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I also think re-doing DD's room is a fabulous idea. My advice would be to let her pick out the color for the trim or for one wall, b/c kids will almost always pick BRIGHT LOUD colors, which is fine, except that they are too much on all the walls. JMHO.

Hope you're having a good day today, and that you're doing stuff for your Taker today, so that, he doesn't start demanding stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

ISSEY MIYAKE men's cologne; L'Eau d'Issey Pour Homme. This is some good stuff!!! Always elicit's compliments...

Haven't really did anything for myself. I went to church and then went a got my DD and me and her played Raquetball. That was fun. I talked with her about painting her room and she is ready to pick out new colors today. so we are heading to lowes to get ideas.

Still have not heard from WW. Last time she called was at 2PM yesterday.

I really have been fighting my Taker. I can't seem to get the lonliness off of my mind. I am putting up a good battle though using ST's helpful saying. Get thee behind me, Satan. Works good when I am really wanting to forget about it but if my flesh is working overtime, its a constant battle. I will be looking up Bob's post later tonight about purity.

Those came from Standing Together, or ST, rather than SD...always good to have credit go where credit's due.

pHB, you too are due a lot of credit. You are fighting the fight, and it is exhausting. Take care of yourself and immerse yourself in these things that have been suggested and try to keep the affair thoughts pushed back a bit, so they don't drain you. Another 6-8 weeks of a really consistant plan a, and if no changes, prepare for Plan B.

You see, you have an overall plan...your WW does not. She's floundering through life, day by day, with no real direction. You are the guiding light, the compass, which will help her find her way, when she's ready. You are simply preparing a grand landing strip for her arrival. God will determine when the time is right. Trust Him!

Best wishes,
SD

I stand corrected. thanks SD and sorry ST

I do put my trust in God and he has given me victories this week. I just have to fight. And trust me it ain't easy

No no no... you don't fight him. You make him happy. Not by hooking up w/ the cute girl in church, but by caring for yourself. Doing stuff that makes YOU happy. And by taking care of yourself.

Are you eating well? Sleeping well?

If you are taking care of yourself and indulging on some things that make you feel better then your Taker will be happier and won't bother you as much.

~ Marsh

Let me say that I know it is hard to do plan A. My wife never left home, but still wasn't "there" with me most of the time. I had the hard work of Plan A for 7 months waiting for the fog to lift.

Sometimes I would go get some wings from a fav place sometimes I would play cards with the guys. Something for me. NO OTHER WOMEN though!!!

Now that you have been at this for a while it would be a good time to call the Steve Harley. He can help with a plan, if not we are still here. I called him 2x myself and he was helpful. So were the people here too.

This may sound dumb, but how do you do the quotes like this?? Boxing more than one line or two?

PS: I told my FWW that I post here and she thinks it's good that I can help others. I asked if she wanted to post and she said - no. Not her cup of tea, but I should feel free to keep going.

First of all I need a little help before I answer the last couple post. WW called while I was in Church and left a VM. She wants DD to call her. I will let her call her in a few but I had not heard from WW and I made arrangements for DD to get to school in the morning. Should I go back to normal which is take DD to WW in the AM or should I tell WW that I have alternate plans for DD to get to school tomorrow and not tell the plans.

You have to insert your own qoutes[] I normally copy one and paste it as I go.


I sure wish I knew of a way to get my WW to talk to a FWW.