She still wants to believe OM. She thinks OM is telling the truth and it is your sister that made up the story. She is oblivious to OM's deceit and manipulation....she just projects it on to your sister, since we all know how SHE can be <<<<sarcasm>>>.

You never know...your sister MAY have said something crazy because you know OM didn't give her the straight story about what happened that evening. WW questioned is being bullcrap because she was there and sister making those type comments made NO sense. But your sister wasn't there and only got information from the OM. Remember, OM has a vested interest in seeing your sister and you separate too.

Might be a bonding opportunity with your sister when she comprehends that she is being utilized to manipulate the situation. She won't like the back and forth lies. Remember, you maintain this is just about YOU being honest. Don't denegrate OM at all, ask questions about the truth only to clear your name...then allow the situation to unfold naturally while you niavely play inocent puppet master.

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- I think we've dovered this enough now. It's not like this is going to be the straw that broke the camel's back. I don't want you obsessing over this. Stay still or at least return to "still" after taking this small opportunity to perhaps create some conflict in wayward world.

What you don't want is WW to regret ever talking to you or mentioning anything about affair land in the first place.

You need to communicate with her in Plan A.

W

So what I am hearing you say Mr. W is:
1-DOn't mention it no more to WW
2-Talk to sister to see if I can entice her to jump on him and get answers to what was said if anything. Work on raltionship while doind so.
3-Be still and wait until WW calls me about it again or until I think they are together to text WW to let her know the truth in what happened that night. Or presumably the truth. you never know now adays.
4-Continue with Plan A until something else happens and not bring it back up until then.

Correct me where wrong.

Didn't realize that. I changed mine and like it alot better now. Not as much surfing.

BTW M2L its on page 17 now LOL

I got it.

Have you ever asked your ww to talk to Steve H to try to help you understand yourself better? Use that approach?

"Will you talk to this Steve guy to help me understand my issues and shortcomings with our M? I want to learn from this and grow from it so I can start to heal."

If she will not talk to Steve when does Steve want to hear back from you?

1. Correct...unless she brings it up.

2. Don't "entice" your sister to get involved. Trust and hope that she does it all on her own. You can subvertly influence her to get involved perhaps by riling up her anger and emotion...just don't ASK her to do your biding as that would appear weak and manipulative on your part. You want an inoccent defense when the "talk" with sister comes full circle back to you from WW.

3. Exactly, the key is you innocently want OM to know WW shared it with you at some point in time...you don't need to beat up WW about it or make her defensive of OM to you.

4. Good. There may be a point in Plan A where it can be brought up as an example of OM's manipulation. Keep it in the back of your mind as ammunition. But sit on it for now. However, I think you should keep a page in your journal listing potential deposition questions for OM as they arise over the next weeks/months. Exploring this "lie" may be something to pursue.

Good job...we've beat this horse to death.

Next issue???

Mr. Wondering

Already tried that one but haven't received an answer yet. Thought I would let it sink in and then ask again. I made it sound like my consuler wanted to get her side of this so he can help me understand better. SH really didn't say when, I think I will give it a couple weeks of using his directives and Plan A and see where that goes. I know this will not turn around in a day so I am doing my best to take things as they come. Day by Day. I am learning the art of stillness. Plus the Lord is working and I don't want to get in his way again.

I can't come up with one right now but I am sure if I give it time I can come up with something. LOL

I am getting ready to go to the gym but I thought I wold run this by you. What if I had one of my friends call OM and tell him some crap I can make up about what my WW said about him or me. My friend could say that his W who works with WW told him about it. or something to that nature. Kinda throw out something that may get an engine turning in their deceived minds. Let me know what you think and I will check back later.

BTW thanks for all the intel.

NO...those types of ploys inevitable backfire. Now if your friend wants to call on his/her own volition...you don't have to stop them. Just don't encourage them to make contact on your behalf. Again, they will likely see throught the gambit and it makes you appear weak, desparate and unable to do your owning biding.

Mr. Wondering

two letters: NO

Don't make stuff up and try to plant it. It will come back to you and make you look depserate.

See pHB, MR.W, like any good lawyer, bills by the words. I don't. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<<<snicker>>>

you old hoot.

That will cost you $260 cause I have to bill you for a complete hour.

Mr. Wondering

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok I will kill that idea and try to not to think about all this for a while. It just feels like I am not doing enough. Maybe this is what I should be doing. I don't know. Gone to gym I will check in around 10 or so.

Agreed, it will backfire.

Now if you have 4 really big guys who are willing to rough him up a bit, that's different.

Just kidding..<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You are doing fine, pHB. Keep the calm in place and keep Plan A in place. Time is now the essential ingredient, proof positive that pHB is a new man, a much improved candidate for a returning WS.

SD

How are you feeling these days, PHB?

You DO seem to be much more at peace. Trusting God more?

Grasping Plan A better?

Feeling better about yourself?

~ Marsh

I am feeling much more at ease most of the time. I know my trust in God is increasing everyday and that is where the peace is coming from.

Not a pro like all of you, but I am still learning. One thing I make sure of is every time she sees me I will look and smell my best ever. One thing about it is, I am in better shape now than I have been in 14 or 15 yrs. I am weighing less now than when I graduated High School.In August I weighed 216 lbs and I weighed tonight and I am at 157.
See above. Yes I feel so much better about my appearance.
Just don't know if I am drawing the eyes that I want to draw. I also feel that I am not doing enough to bring her back but I keep telling myself to STAND. I had a dream a week or so ago and I feel as if the Lord was telling ne to Be Still and know that I am God. Everytime I think about what I need to be doing, I stop and think about that dream and how much I am hearing to be still and calm from MBer's. Something is there and I just have to be patient and keep my nose clean and out of trouble and not LB. I want to make deposits and no withdrawals.

That's a very impressive weight loss.



I see this from your posts, PHB. I really do.

There's a transformation taking place on the inside of you.

You are learning and growing in a very healthy way.



Ok, then let's start praying that God will give you opportunities to make deposits.

You seem more than ready to make some now.

~ Marsh

OK I will start praying for opportunities. Thanks Marsh and others for believing in me and helping me get to this point. My first deposits opportunity will be tomorrow when I pick up DD. I will look like a million bucks. Should I bring her a rose or would that look desperate. Ideas welcomed

No to the rose

If you've been reading Lil Sis's thread be careful. Mrs. W and I were just discussing the differences in Plan A for men and women.

For example, I tried the rose thing and it made me look desparate and needy. It gave OM and WW an opportunity to banter at my expense. OM got to play all secure macho guy to my wimpy looking flower giver. Now, I'm betting he didn't like me fighting for the marriage so it MAY have more effect on OM ...but WW won't like it. In Lil Sis's case, her WH likes the attention of two women and OW will get ticked off about the rose...hopefully, overtly. It makes OW really insecure and WH's are just stupid enough to tell their OW about it and NOT make a big deal about it. If OW says it's desparate or needy and starts to rip on poor Lil Sis...WH will hopefully defend her and feel uncomfortable.

I suggest bring her a cup of her favorite starbucks coffee which you just happen to know what it is and just happened to stop by Starbucks on your way there. Don't make a big deal about it. Allow the action to speak for itself. Not a coffee fan, maybe a couple of Krispy Kreme donuts which you picked up for her while you got yourself some as well. Just small token indications of thoughtfulness...not over the top romantic gestures.

Just my take,

Mr. Wondering