Yes sir Mr W. I have moved on but this is my way of learning from this. I now know to listen next time. The more time I analyze this the more my mind can understand and relate the next time it happens. I have licked my wounds and preparing for the next battle. Please be patient with me as I learn this. I can read that stuff all day long but until I actually put it to use, I really can't learn from it.

Never thought a few donuts could create all of this turmoil.

M2L I see it from that side too.That is why I have decided not to argue with WW. It does no good.

If it helps, my H said that when he would be nasty to me, it was his way of pushing me away so I wouldn't want him anymore; therefore, giving him a reason to say, "See, she doesn't want me back anyway!" It's another justification tactic.

My wife offered to help me find someone so I could be happy too. How sick is that??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

You need to learn how to act not react when things like this happen. I tell you this b/c it will make it easier for the next time.

Like they said here today. Next time listen to her more and if she gets snippy just say "I'm sorry you feel that way."

If she says normal things then repeat some of it back to her word for word.

Mrs" I see DD is thinking about joining the school play. I think it will be fun for her."

Mr. "You think it would be fun for her, me too. I think she would do great at this."

Maybe not word for word, but close to it.

pHB, I am more impressed with the definition I see in your Plan A, than the definition you see in your abs. This will all become more comfortable for you as it becomes second nature in your arsenal.

Remember, as long as she's a WS, she'll go out of her way to create conflict with you, to more easily justify her behavior.

Your patience and kindness in the face of her furious attacks are what create conflict in her mind. She can run from you, physically, but she can't run from your level headed calm. It confounds her.

Keep up the good work...and believe in your efforts.

SD

She hasn't offered to help me but she has told me to find someone. I told again the stuff SH said to say. It confused her.

OK I think I am back to normal now. I just could not understand how everything got started with her this morning. Her blaming me and all. I may get crazy at times trying to reason things out but I am sticking to my guns with Plan A. God will take care of the rest.

OK

and I'm not chastizing you

I am worried about your job

Losing your job would be the biggest calamity right now

for any divorce/custody fight...you need consistent employment

Focus on it for awhile...shut down MB until tonight

Mr. Wondering

You didn't get crazy. Please go easy on yourself. Saving your M is very important to you.

So of course you want to do and say all the "right" things. You REALLY are doing a good job.

This is a waiting game.....eventually the A will crumble and the fog will clear.

Trust your plan.

Try to think of some things you can say next time you speak to WW. What kind of things does she like to talk about? Think of some questions that might get her to talk to you. Keep it light and breezy...

~ Marsh

10-4 Mr. W thanks for helping me get in line.

pHB,

I just bumped up one of my old thread. JL sent me a link to SKM Chronicles. SKM was a ww and she posted about how she felt after she started to come around.

I know your not there yet, but I though you might like to do a little reading ahead. I would read and reread it over and over and it made me feel better.

It's 4th or 5th post from the bottom. Click it and then go back to the top of the link.

Thanks M2L that was a very interesting read. And yes My WW is not there. Personally I don't think she is close. I think that as many people that know about this she is trying to prove everyone wrong. She is very strong willed and I mean very strong willed. She is doing everything she can with OM.I think she is in so deep and does not want to come out. I again personally think she has made her mind up and she is sticking with it come He// or high water.

But that being said, I am sticking with plan A because you never know what is going on in her mind and I trust you guys that have been thru this and recovered. I am just trying to learn and I thank each one of you for your help. Even if no one else beleives in her or me, MBer's beleive in their tried and true methods. The methods just need to become second nature for me. Just bare with me if I lean towards all of you for answers.

"Just bare with me if I lean towards all of you for answers."

Always pHB. You are doing a good job.

Don't forget that Plan A is as much about making you a better person as it is about busting up an A. Either way you will come out a better dad and person.

Trust in MB and trust in God.

Well I am off to the gym to play RB.

WW called me this afternoon and wanted a high chair that was here. I agreed to give that to her and then she asked for a mirror. I told her I would have to think about that. My feeling is that she left. She shouldn't have any right to just come here and take whatever she wants. What do you think?

Secondly, temptations hit me pretty good tonight at the gym. I noticed a nice looking lady on a bicycle and asked about her. One of my friends from church told me who she was and that she was single. Now I know this is wrong that is why I bring it here so all of you can jump on me. I need to be jumped on. I didn't talk to her but it was so tempting. I guess I am beating my own self up pretty good over this if I can come on here and ask to be jumped on. Guess i just explained it to myself. ok let me have it

2x4 smack - hope I hit between the eyes!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />


Checking out the bike - fine

Checking out the girl - not fine

I know I know, I deserved that smack and maybe a few more. At least I walked away. but I still deserve to be smacked around. I hate being in this position. I normally don't have that big of problem with this but tonight was different. I fought it. Hope not to have one of these night for a while.

PHB,


That's fine.

Did you try to engage her in any type of conversation?



THAT'S some Christian friend you've got there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Why didn't he say, "It doesn't matter if she is single. YOU aren't."?

Maybe you ought to ask your RL friends to be more supportive of your M.

It's OK to notice another person is attractive, but not OK to let your mind wander around freely.

Any thoughts of hooking up w/ a woman ought to be banished from your mind, PHB. You would only be using her. DD NEEDS at least ONE sane parent. The last thing that little girl needs is for your focus to go somewhere other than her.

So the next time you notice an attractive woman think of your DD...keep her little heart in your mind's eye, and don't let your mind wander places it has no business going to.

~ Marsh

I was talking to her calmly and she handed phone to DD. I talked with her and then she hung up.



THAT'S some Christian friend you've got there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Why didn't he say, "It doesn't matter if she is single. YOU aren't."?

Maybe you ought to ask your RL friends to be more supportive of your M.

It's OK to notice another person is attractive, but not OK to let your mind wander around freely.

Any thoughts of hooking up w/ a woman ought to be banished from your mind, PHB. You would only be using her. DD NEEDS at least ONE sane parent. The last thing that little girl needs is for your focus to go somewhere other than her.

So the next time you notice an attractive woman think of your DD...keep her little heart in your mind's eye, and don't let your mind wander places it has no business going to.

~ Marsh [/quote]

Thanks, I am licking my wounds. He really is a good Christian guy. He did say "well you are still married" so I know you don't know him but he knows right from wrong. But i will say there probably are a lot of Christians who would do something like that and not think twice. But thanks again for kicking me square. At least I did bring it here instead of acting upon it. This is my place to vent, get advise and be kept on track. Even when my mind wanders, I can come here and wander no more.

Yeah - what Marsh said!!!

Ok, you did ask for it.

pHB, I felt the same way as you do tonight. Now that my wife and I are "back" together I am so very glad that I don't have an OW to deal with on my part. I don't know how I would feel today.

Your taker wants some attention. I understand that also. Be there, done that, got the t-shirt. You still need to do more for you. Things you like to do or have thought about doing in the past. Something new. Keep your mind off OW and on your goal. This craps is hard enough without other people entering in.

KEEP focused on your goal.

Donuts for DD8 -------------- 5.99

"Surviving an Affair" --------------- 17.95

Great Plan A ------------- Priceless!!!