I agree on this. During one of our discussions, both my WS and I looked back at past encounters she had with men who were interested in her(even when we were dating), and we realized that she just didn't know how to say 'no'. Not in the sense that if she were asked to jump into bed with someone, but like in one case, she knew this guy making advances on her was dating her friend as well. Des[ite that, she even got into his car when he offered to drive her to the airport when she could have easily asked my sis or my mum to give her a ride (I was overseas at the time). Maybe the same personality traits exist for the TS's wife too.

Maconmistakes,

There is a flip side to all of this. The flip side may provide you with some angle within which you can address this friendship issue with the wifey. The flip side is...YOU are more vulnerable to have an affair yourself. The first time you get friendly overtures from a female work colleague, an old girlfriend or even an ex-wife your taker is likely to jump up and say "me too".

Your wife, I'm guessing, values your new marriage. But neither of you really know how to be successfully married. MB can help you BOTH learn; but, she has to need to learn. Any threat YOU feel threatens both of you. Try to make this much more/completely about the marriage and not these men individually versus you (i.e. - her choice is not YOU or them...it's HER marriage versus them which is a conflict really external to you).

I suggest Harley's book "His Needs/Her Needs". Perhaps get it on the CD audio version so you guys can listen to it TOGETHER on a road trip. Also, on the Just Found Out board "For Newly Betrayed Spouses" Thread gives a list of the 15 steps to infidelity. This list should be discussed also...not in an accusatory way...but in a constructive manner.

You've already done so well just be posting.

Good luck and welcome to MB.

Mr. Wondering