lol...yeah...can't give any clues to what I know and how I know it though...he already sent her a loving reply...it makes my stomach turn reading his reply...what I should do is copy and modify his reply and send it to her from me...

Fantasyland at its best:
The day has come to a close, as we lay next to one another I can see why I am with her. Her aura surrounds her like an angelic glow. Her eyes are focused on me like an eagle on it’s pray. The words that are spoken make her furious, but only on the inside. She says her blood boils, but I see something more. I know not to get too close for reasons of our past encounter. We both know what is in front of us, but yet we stay at square one.

The fear of pain and emotional anguish still settles in the air from time to time. But we seem to make our way through it without a scratch. The feeling of being loved is always there. Our friendship only grows stronger the more we communicate. We tell each other in secret how we feel. We both know others need to know as well. Time will only tell what the next day will bring.

The sun is shinning through the blinds as I see her beautiful face. I move closer to pull her hips into mine. I feel her wiggle her way into me. She sleeps in my arms as if I was protecting her from her greatest fear. I wish this moment could last forever. Time goes by as we lay with each other, the smell of her hair is intoxicating. I always tell myself this is great, this is what I want nothing else.

I only feel this way because of you. You have done nothing but great things for me. I always tell you that I care deeply for and this is true. People every where get caught up in “love”. This is not the same. Love destroys life, friendship gives it. I care about you so much I couldn’t imagine tomorrow with out you. I feel this strongly about you because you have shown me things that really matter. I know that we may have had a rough night this week, but I look at it as another bump in the road that we must go over. I always tell you I don’t want to “loose” you. If a day comes that we must go our separate ways I want it to be a decision that both of us can make. I don’t want to hurt you. I have realized through out my life that I have been hurt many times, and I have also been the one who has hurt others. ( i.e you) and I don’t feel very good about myself sometimes because of it. And I will apologize and continue to do so for my actions in the past. Not too many times in my life can I really say ive been happy for a long period of time. But since ive been with you its been nothing but enjoyable. You are a great person on the inside as well as out. baby I just want you to know that I am here for you always. I just want you to be happy with what I can offer you. You are a wonderful person and I see why every man out there would like to destroy what we have, because they wished they could have what we do.

“Opportunity is the block of granite which was an obstacle in the path of the weak, has become a stepping stone for the strong.”

With love and truth
OM "loser"

I would feel like writing a poem to the OM.......

Smashing your face is what I like
You foul POS, get away from my wife

The next time I find you
I might end up coming unglued

I can't believe my wife found something new
In a big POS like you.

Sorry to make light and I feel for you. What have you done for exposure to kill this thing??

Think I'll go Barf Now!!!!!!

My version:

The day has come to a close, as we lay apart from one another I can see why I am no longer with her. Her aura surrounds her like a demonic glow. Her eyes are focused on me like an eagle on it’s pray. The words that are spoken make her indifferent, but only on the inside. She says her blood boils, but I see nothing more. I know not to get too close for reasons of our past encounter. We both know what is in front of us, but she still stays at square one.

The fear of pain and emotional anguish still settles in the air from time to time. We seem to make our way through bloodied and scratched. The feeling of being loved is never there. Our friendship only grows weaker the less we communicate. We never tell each other in secret how we feel. Time will only tell what the next day will bring.

The sun is shining through the blinds as I see her once beautiful face. I move closer to pull her hips into mine. Yet she runs away. She sleeps in other mens arms as if they would protect her from her greatest fear. I wish this moment would end now. Time goes by as we avoid each other, the smell of her hair is a smell like shampoo? I always tell myself this blows, I never wanted this.

I only feel this way because of you. You have done nothing but screwed me over. I always told you that I cared deeply for you and this is true. People every where get caught up in “love”. This is not the same. Love is the giver of life, false friendships can take it away. I used to care about you so much I couldn’t imagine tomorrow with out you. But now I look forward to tomorrow without you. I feel this strongly about you because you have hurt me more than you can ever imagine. I know that we may have had a rough year, I look at it as another bump in the road that we may never go over. I always told you I don’t want to “lose” you. When the day comes that we will go our separate ways it would have been nice for it to be a decision that both of us could make. I don’t want you. I have realized through out my life that I have been hurt very few times except by you, and I have been good about never hurting others. ( i.e you) and I feel very good about myself because of it. I will not apologize for my actions in the past. Not too many times in my life can I really say I’ve been unhappy for a long period of time. But this last year with you has been nothing but pure ******. You are a confused person on the inside as well as out. baby I just want you to know that I could have been here for you always. I just want you to know what you are giving up. You were a wonderful person and I see why every homewrecker out there would like to destroy what we have, because they wished they could have what we do. (they are making a big mistake…if they think you can give it to them)
With love and humor
me

----
ok i am not sending this...I had to take a crack...but a little humor never hurts...bleh...

DF...no offense taken...in fact thank you...it gave me a good laugh...

it is exposed...unfortunately the closest people in her life these days seem to be her new circle of friends and obviously they all support her...she has divorced most of the people that were once close in her life...

Stop beating yourself up. That was pretty good though....maybe something to send!

no she would freak if she knew I was still seeing all of her communications...maybe I will save it for after the big D...(maybe not)

Actually I am ok today...junk like this just strengthens my resolve...

Looking forward to a nice evening alone with my son...I am hoping now she will not be included as she was supposed to contact me today if she was going...have not heard from her and I am not calling...

Everyone have a good weekend!

SRTogacihC
I am so glad that you didn't respond to her. See...it helps to follow your intuitions sometimes & not always your heart. I always used to think that following your heart was the "right" thing, not these days, that is for sure!

Please, please, please...stay on guard with this! She is certainly fence sitting, cake eating, etc. You DON'T deserve it & you have to realize that soon!

I agree w/Jim, send this fellow the note & see what troubles brew in fantasyland from this!

She is using you & using you BIG TIME! Cut off the $$, cut off the contact & just live with the every other weekend visitation, it's the only way for now!

K

It is amazing that that lying POS, a-hole, piece of garbage
would take the time to write something like that just to put a notch in his belt. I hope you save this and someday are able to give it to her when he's cheated on her and left her wondering what happened to her "soulmate". Passing this to her at that time will be certain to provide a little satisfaction to you and scope to her.

What state are you in?

I am not in a bad state tonight...I have been in this situation for ~5 months now and believe me there have been much worse things than this...not much shocks me these days...stuff like this just strengthens my resolve to do what needs to be done.

Actually I would say it is more likely she cheats on him and screws him over...I hope he suffers because of it...

Here is an example of something that really upset me...a few months back...must have been early October while we were still in the mid to early stages...still really fighting to try and save the marriage. She encourages me to write her a love letter...make it erotic...I miss your writing...etc...etc...well I spend a few hours crafting a really great story if I say so myself...really proud of my work...send it off...what does she do? She rewrites it...changes it around slightly and forwards it off to her OM as if she had wrote it for him...talk about steamed...it took everything inside of me not to throw her out that day...but of course I could not let her know as she did not know I was seeing all of her emails...ugghh...I could not believe I was helping her craft love letters to the OM. That was the lowest of the low.

Having access to everything is a two edged sword...on one hand it really lets you know where you stand and the deceipt that is taking place...on the other hand it is heartbreaking...you think you do something nice...you think you are making progress only to have it slashed and burned behind your back. In the end I am glad I know everything because I would rather know where I truly stand.

That stuff is just the tip...there has been so much more BS...I could write stories for a couple hours...when I truly start thinking about all of the stuff it makes me wonder why even care about her at all. The funny thing is before the A...I would say we had a good to very good marriage...very few problems...it is amazing how it can go downhill so quickly...romantic affairs simply cause destruction and it has truly changed her...I am not even sure who she is these days...it is not the woman I have been married to the first 5.5 years.

Another thing that upsets me is the revisionist history I hear from her...how our marriage was terrible etc...etc...yet I can pull a multitude of love letters from the past couple years we sent back and forth...my birthday which was just before the A began she wrote me like a 5 page love letter saying how madly in love with me she was...it is amazing how it can all change over night. Of course the A has nothing to do with her leaving...she just wants her independence and to be on her own...ok you believe that if it makes you feel better. She has basically tried to turn it all around and blame me for everything...I guess it is a coping mechanism for the adultress. I am sure it is the same story with so many WW.

Tonight I can't wait for the divorce...I have so much I would like to say to her that I have held back because of the situation with my son. Eventually the cake eater is going to find herself with the cake smashed all over her face.

SRT,

So glad to see this side of you. You and your son will have agreat life without this without the in it.

Keep up with the your efforts and ful steam ahead on the D. It is the best outcome at this point. JMHO.

A little journaling this evening. Kind of a slow weekend...no contact with W. Just myself and son hanging out all weekend. Went to my parents this evening for dinner.

I feel resolute in my decision to proceed with the divorce. Saturday I was reading random threads on here and ran across livya's inspirational story...it was hard reading it...kind of like a dream come true kind of thing. I am sure there were many hard times along the way but I guess I am a sucker for happy endings. It gave me pause and made me think maybe I should just stay in limbo and eventually things could work out...but I am sure that is not an option. I am in a good position right now (if you could call it that)...in regards to getting custody and protecting my assets. I know I need to proceed down that path and then I can make other decisions. I feel pretty sure my W will eventually want to come back to me...even though she says her leaving has nothing to do with the affair...I feel it is 90% about the affair...once that fantasy wears off she is in for a rude awakening. I wonder how long it will take? I wonder where I will be at in my life? I have no idea if I will want her back or not.

I have a counseling session in the morning. I think it will be very positive and I feel like it is time to start moving forward.

Funny thing...I think my W thought leaving our S with me was going to be huge burden on me. Was unsure if I would be able to handle it. She always thought she did so much around here and yet now I work fulltime plus I am doing everything around the house and I do not really feel like it is that difficult or anything. Plus I think I am keeping up the house far better than she ever did...it makes me wonder what she did with her days?

Heading to Las Vegas this weekend for a 4 day weekend...going to be nice to get away. Play a little poker...hopefully win a couple dollars and have a good time. Meeting up with my first x-wife who I have not seen in ~9 years...will be group of ~10 of us...it would be our 15 year anniversary of when we got married in Vegas...our D was kind of mutual...no kids involved...both earning good money...so it was pretty painless...I think we both knew we were incompatible...most anyone would be incompatible with her...not one for relationships I suppose...has never remarried and says she never will. It will be interesting to see her after all of these years...never really kept in communication with her through the years because my current wife was too insecure about me talking to her...which was ok with me and I respected that but now that our marriage looks over I figure I might as well talk to her see how life has been...she was a very important part of my life for 8 years.

Watch out meeting the 1st ex in Vegas no less. Don't have a weak moment out there and have someone be able to testify to the fact later in court. Never know who's watching!

Otherwise have a great time and relax and set your mind on auto pilot for a change.

Answered her in an email this morning...with answers similar to this. Just felt like I wanted her to know that I still want her. I feel like she is trying to pull away and I kind of do not want to make it easy for her. I want her to know that I am still here and even through all of this I am a strong individual and am willing to work on our marriage. I just want her to always have the lasting memory that I was here...I did not give up...these were her choices.

At this point I am definitely going to limit my communications with her and move on with making my life better. The "get a life" routine.

Man, that is so twisted that she sends you and the OM essentially the same poem with all those key words changed... almost as bad as her asking you to write something steamy to her and then sending it as her own writing to the OM. If she is able to do those things (apparently without any guilty pangs of conscience), then I think she has much more than the run-of-the-mill WW "fog" - I think she has serious, serious issues...

Lawyer appt for next week. Time to get some answers and begin moving forward. Even after all that has happenned I hate that it is coming to this but I think I would regret waiting.

Time to start over...bleh.

YOU are so correct. Sometimes, the fog excuse only holds so much water. Sometimes I just believe it's all about character (spiritual?) and or emotional issues not resolved or treated

The fog is amazing to me...I see their daily communications...today W was asking about valentines day...he responded that he is not a big fan of that holiday...blah blah blah it is all about money...if she wants to do something that is cool...she can plan whatever...

If I know anything about her I know this kind of stuff is important to her...she would never let me get away with the above and if I tried I would have never heard the end of it...I still heard about stuff I did 5 years ago...so I expect her to not be happy about his reply...instead she emails back sorry for even bringing it up...she would like nothing better to just cook him dinner and spend the night in his arms...blah blah blah...WTF? This can't be my wife...but then again maybe it can be and this is just the fog of new love...they will not be long for each other...once this newness wears off she is going to bolt.

She also likes to shop uncontrollably at times...the OM has no money...nearly bankrupt...he is fearing his house will be foreclosed...can't afford to do much of anything...I see my W ordering him clothes...gifts...etc...he gets mad at her for spending money on him (my f-in money...bleh)...this should be interesting when their relationship progresses and her little nest egg runs out and she still wants to spend money.

I guess it is just hard to see all of this...I realize more and more that I was very good to her...probably too good but it seems none of that mattered in the end. It is just amazing how bad the fog can blind someone and how someone can look past so much when they are in this state...give up their marriage...give up their child...give up everything just to continue a go no where affair. To give it all up for someone who has nothing going for them...I think this makes it harder on me...I feel I am a success...have went very far in my life and have a bright future and you leave me and our S for a nearly bankrupt pot smoking loser?!?

I guess this is why it is such a battle and you really need to be willing to pull out all the stops to fight back. I really wish I would have visited this forum when I first discovered the A...I did so much wrong. Now it seems too late to right things. Romantic infidelity is a destroyer...

It's never too late, it just takes much longer to peel back those extra months or years of fog.

Here is a question...I know it ticks my wife off when I write her emotional letters...relationship letters...etc...she rarely responds or only responds in anger. Anything I write her now is replied with "it is too late" "where was this a year ago...two years ago"...I havent figured out how this effects the situation...if she eventually comes out of the fog will she appreciate that I tried...or likely right now this pushes her deeper in the fog. Sometimes I just feel like writing her and letting her know I am still here and that we could make things work...some of it is throwing some guilt on her...some of it is just to get things out of me...kind of journaling. It is probably a mistake.

I am heading towards plan-D regardless so maybe when that occurs I just write her a final plan-b letter and then cut everything off. I know I need to do that for my own sake anyway...I really need to stop worrying about her and just work on myself and move on with my life.