Just write her a final plan B letter and leave the ball in her court. Make sure you post a draft copy here for us to critique before you send it. It should include your desire to keep your family together, letting her know that you will not have any contact with her again unless she agrees to your plan B conditions (NC w/ OM, MC, IC, O&H, full disclosure, etc.). Then you move on. If she doesn't respond, well you've moved on, if she does, then your family gets to stay together under your marital boundaries. It is a win/win situation.

Jim is totally on the mark here. win/win. The only thing she'll respond to is something tha totally shakes up her fantasy world.

Remember; Consequences for one's actions. She hasn't felt any up to now.

SRT,

How are you doin?

Pio,

Does G KNOW you have emotional needs? Previous to finding MB I didn’t know I had any…

Are you two reading the same page? When you were working through the pain and agony of infidelity you found several paths to follow. You listened to me (sort of), found MB, did a Plan A and so on. But now that you “saved” the marriage then do you have any way of saving your relationship?

Maybe you have done this already but why not go through the MB process and involve G in it.

Back from Vegas...had a pretty good time and was good for me financially. Nice when you can take a trip and come home with a lot more money than you left with plus eat, drink, and party all weekend.

Meeting with the ex...very odd for me...kind of like we did not skip a beat but made me realize I am glad I am not with her still. I behaved myself but at this point I do not feel like I have any obligation to do that. Just did not feel like something I wanted to do even though the ex was all for it. Made me realize how stuck I still am on my W...here I have a woman throwing herself at me and I have no interest.

Feeling kind of depressed today. Saw the W on monday morning and we layed in her bed and talked for 30 minutes before I took our son home and it felt so good and comfortable just sharing with each other our weekends. I do miss her. It is so hard to move forward when I still care about her like this.

I meet with a lawyer tomorrow and also have a referral for another lawyer. This second lawyer seems very good...I may not hire him as we talked briefly on the phone and gave me some good advice as to where I will be going to court and I will be far better off in that court system with a few specific attorneys that are local to that county.

So things are moving forward. These next few months are going to be very difficult.

SRT,

Glad you had a good time in Vegas. I'd like to go sometime.

Just remember you are doing this step to protect you and your son and just maybe it will wake her up.


Stay strong and resolved.

Met with a lawyer today at lunch. Was a productive meeting. Painted a positive picture of my chances of getting custodial custody of my son even if my W wants to fight it. Found some good news that my W actually helped my chances by moving to a particular county. If I had to file in my county and she wanted to fight it I would have less chance. My assignment now is to probe the wife and see if she even wants custody or if she will fight.

She is coming over for dinner tonight to see our S...I figure I will try and talk to her and just start the conversation...I am still hoping for a non-messy divorce. If she does want custody when we divorce the lawyer said I am probably better off waiting to file and establish a longer period where I am the sole custodian of my S. So tonight I am on a mission to question and just try and get her feelings on the subject but not alarm her. Lawyer also said it is very important I file first. I really hope she will just agree with everything and get this over with...I hate living in this current situation...at times I am finding it very difficult to be civil with her...and I would like to be divorced so this can just be ended and the doubt is removed.

Happy times tonight...wife came over for dinner and I mentioned divorce and who would get custodial custody and she said she is more than happy with the current arrangement. That is SUCH a relief. She just wants to sit down in the next couple weeks and work everything out. Work out a schedule...split things up between the two of us...no lawyers...

Better get her to sign it quick. I don't know about your state, but where I live, you can write out the whole agreement and sign it, and then have the attorney check it and right it up legally.

Since there is a child involved, she will probably need to get an attorney too. But it will be cheaper and smoother.

This affair will never last. You made a big mistake giving her 6 months living expenses. When that is spent, the affair will be over.

So don't postpone, because she WILL change her mind.

What happened between your first wife and you?

I did not feel like I had much choice with the 6 months living expense. I did not want to be under the same roof with her while the affair continued...while it may have given me a better chance to do a plan A or try to save the marriage it was too difficult on me mentally when she would disappear for a weekend...or go out when I knew she was headed out to see him. I could not live in that situation. We have money...and 6 months living expense was not really a big deal for me financially...so it was hard to deny her that. At the time I just wanted her out.

She does have a job now that pays her enough so she can live on her own...so I do not think money will kill the affair. Plus she will be due another nice chunk of money when we divorce. Though I do agree the relationship will likely run its course and be over within 6 months or so. But I am not sure she will come running back to me...I think it is more likely she moves on to her next conquest...she is already working on 4 or 5 other guys behind the scenes...I think that will be her MO for the next few years...move from guy to guy...she is a very attractive woman and will not have a hard time attracting many men. She is really eating up all of the attention...she has never felt popular in her life and having a lot of guys hit on her and chase her really feeds into her ego.

My first wife...she was a WW...no affair...though she probably had one or two earlier in our marriage...we were married young...first wife was not one to settle in one place...when I saw her this weekend we talked about how many times and places she has moved...in the past 8 years she has moved 15 times in 7 different cities. Just a very independent person. Our parting was civil...we both were making the same money and no kids...so it was pretty easy. I was crushed at the time but in a lot of ways it was a relief as she was a handful. Seeing her this weekend made me realize how much I do not miss her. It was nice to see her and I would still call her a good friend...and I know I could count on her if I ever needed anything but better a distant friend than someone I would have to deal with every day.

I tell you tonight when I asked the W about child custody and she said she was happy with the current situation and we should make it permanent I almost did a back flip. I could not believe it...I am so happy tonight. I still care a lot about the W and in many ways I am still very much in love with her but she really is on her own journey now and I do not think there is any turning her back. She seems perfectly happy being out on her own so I am not counting on her to come running back any time soon. I am sad about it but I feel I have to deal with reality and move on with my life and having my son fulltime without a fight is making it a lot easier. Think about it...how many women give up their child that easily? She is deep deep in the fog.

Who knows...after her affair dies off maybe she will want to come back to me...I do not know if I will want her back by then.

I plan on pushing through the divorce as quickly as possible. I just need to get her to sit down and hammer out the details.

I would do it very quickly, or at least a separation agreement. My WH wrote up an agreement, and we took it to our attorney. The attorney took so long to do it, that my WH changed his mind and refused to sign it.

How was your wife as a wife and mother BEFORE the affair?

This sounds like the best result you can get under the circumstances.

Get it done ASAP and then you'll have to wait and see if she'll wake up in time.

She was a stay at home mom...and I thought a very good mother and wife. We had a very hard time getting pregnant and eventually had an IVF to have our son so...this may be the only child she may ever be able to have which makes it all the more surprising she is willing to give him up.

I think it all comes down to she does not want the responsibility of a child. She is 100% out for herself right now. She is having too much fun being single and she realizes having a 4 year old full time will put a serious crimp in that lifestyle. Even when she has him for her every other weekend I think that is more than enough for her. I think the fact that I have bent over backwards for her...allowed her to cake eat has made her comfortable with the idea of letting me have primary custody. She sees it as having the best of both worlds...she can have her party lifestyle and then if she wants to see her son she can call me any time.

At this point I doubt I will even do a plan B...I am just happy to have my son with me and will likely just look around and see if I can meet someone new...no baggage...fresh start...sounds very attractive to me. I have lost almost all respect for my current W and I think I would have a hard time ever trusting her again. We had some good times together and she will always be a special person in my life but at some point you just need to let go.

Sounds like you are in a good position and good frame of mind.

This too is a success. Just not the one you originally hoped for.

Here's wishing you well.

Keep us posted as things progress.

WOW! I could have written this, changed the son's age to 2 and you would have never known the difference.

HAP...could you post a link to your sit...looked but could not find it...

Happy tonight...in fact ecstatic...I still cannot believe she is just going to give me custody. This was my greatest fear through this enitre process that I was not going to be able to see my son except for a couple days every two weeks. Spent all evening with S3...went and had a little celebration at Chuck E Cheese...I was tearing up on the drive home just thinking how fortunate I am to still be able to be his fulltime dad.

Now to make this all official.

So glad it is working out for you as you wanted.

Just hurry and get it OFFICIAL.

Then maybe someday if your still interested WW might still join you.

My best to you and your son!!!!!!

It is just so hard to believe that she was a SAHM and now hardly sees your son. Mind-boggling.

I little blogging...big weekend...spending most of it with the wife...she is coming over tonight to spend the night...see our son...just hang out...not sure what to think of it but she has been emailing me all week saying how excited she is. Part of her excitement is she got her nose pierced and thinks she will shock me with it...she does not know I know about it...I think I will give her the opposite reaction as she expects...little 180.

Saturday we are going out to dinner and then going to see some live music. Main goal this weekend is getting her to discuss the D...decide some things. I think she is still not all that keen about the D...I do not think she is questioning her decision to give me custody but she is all for the idea of leaving things the way they are so she does not need to make a decision and feels more secure with the situation...cake eating mode...leave me on the back burner. I am ready to jump back in the fire and finalize some things. I have some ideas to push her down that path.

It is kind of odd that she wants to spend this much time with me. I know she is still struggling with the choices she is making and pushing the D is making it more real for her and making it tougher. Right now I no longer care...I am all about the D...I refuse to sit in limbo...I really want the D and to settle things while the getting is good.