Sounds like you may pushed enough for her to star to rethink just a bit. She's not even thinking of coming back just yet. But it sounds like she is trying to find out if you are serious about the D. You said before that she didn't really want that. So now she may be starting to give some serious thought.

Since she has never had any consequences until now maybe she's tarting to see you may be ready to move on without her. Be prepared for her to do just about anything to keep you hanging on a while longer so she can continue her fantasy. This is a common tactic for a WS to start paying attention to the BS and even offer to have SF with them to keep them in line with their plans.

Make sure you don't do something you might regret later on since she is staying the night.

Nothing regretful happened this weekend. Honestly if she wanted to keep me in limbo the SF tactic would probably work. If I really felt she was trying to reconnect with me I would probably get sucked back in to waiting for her but I do not see her going down that path. We did have a nice weekend together and d*** does it make it hard on me. When I spend so much time with her it makes me fall in love with her but then in the end I wake up to reality and my heart is broke all over again. We talked about the divorce some more and while she is not really happy about the idea she concedes that we have little other choice. Will meet with her again this week and push some more.

I do just need to end this for my own sanity. Today has been rough...whenever I spend a lot of time with her and then we go our seperate ways it is rough on me. I still like her a lot and does it hurt me. I am not even sure why I care about her? Maybe because she is the mother of our son...and I still would like for my son to grow up with his biological mother...and I still do genuinely like her. But I definitely need to get away from the situation and remember that basically all she does is s*** on me and disrespect me. Bleh need to end this...my counselor this morning really beat me up for spending the weekend with her like that...she could see I was very torn up from the weekend.

So hard to let go of someone that you love. It will take awhile before I am truly over her...it will probably take me meeting someone else before I can put her in the past.

Goal is to have the divorce well under way by the end of next month. She is still ok with me having primary custody which I need to remember is the most important thing to me. Everything else in the divorce is petty as far as I am concerned.

How do I respond to something like this:

"I just don't know if I have the strength to go through this divorce. I was just looking at my website and their is just to many memories and I'm trying really hard to fight back these tears.
I can't find those feelings I once had for you, but I'm so depressed on giving up everything we made together.
I know this doesn't help you in any way nor does it for me."

Email she just sent me...really upsets me...because more than anything I do want her back but there does not seem to be anything I can do to turn her off this path.

I want to tell her she will never have feelings for me while she is getting those needs met from another man. That our marriage could be great again if she would come back and work on it. The problem is I do not think logic has worked well in the past...maybe I should just respond with something simple like "Welcome to my day every day...these are your choices...I want you back but I refuse to live in this situation."

Any suggestions...

respond something like

"Come home sweetheart. Together we can make our marriage wonderful for both of us."

simple, like that

Pep

but don't expect results right away

keep putting out the

~welcome home~

mat

without expectations

Pep

I would say that we don't have to end it, but if you don't want a divorce, you need to have NC with OM, move back in, and agree to work on the M. Anything else is just unfair to me. I want you back, but not at my own expense.

Gosh this is not the kind of stuff I need in the middle of a work day...has me sobbing like a little baby.

Thanks for your comment...I sent something close to that.

Before I sent my reply she sent an apology saying she should not send stuff like that as it only confuses me...so in the end she is still down her new path but I guess it is ok to know it is hard for her too.

I responded...
Baby come home...Together we can make our marriage wonderful for both of us. It took a lot of love to make those memories...it is still there somewhere.

It is ok...it is good to know that this is hard for you too. I do not want a divorce but I just know I can't live in this situation. It is too hard. I hate the fact this is all coming to an end. And it is sad because I know we could make a good marriage again and have a good life. You will always be special to me.

Good reply. I wish my ex would have said something along those lines to me when I was the WW.

Blogging...still proceeding towards D...supposed to meet next week and discuss splitting things up. Seems over...wife sent some of the stuff early this week about not being able to do it...blah blah blah...but she has made up her mind for now...I do not think there is any changing it. I think a plan B would actually have an effect but unfortunately with the custody situation that becomes impossible. Current plan is the same...work towards divorce...give her every opportunity to come back or stop the D...have let her know on no uncertain terms I do want her back but I also refuse to be on the sideline while she screws around. She has this attitude of she does not want to talk about relationship or even think about it...but when divorce is mentioned she does not like that idea still...definitely wants more than anything to stay in cake eating mode...not going to happen.

I am taking the weekend off from worrying about it...da Bears in the super bowl and I am going to enjoy it...does not happen often. Everyone have a good weekend...Go BEARS!

Latest update...met with the wife this week and we agreed on splitting up assets and child custody. Went as well as I could have hoped. She is still happy with me having primary custody. I will not have to sell my house. I will just be cash poor for a little while.

Just very sad...we still get along very well. She is just too far down this new path in her life and will not give it up for anything or anyone. Plus she will get a nice chunk of change from the divorce so she can have even more fun. Eventually it will run out and she will be left with nothing and wonder what happened but kind of hard to make her see that through the fog.

It is finally starting to hit S4...last night I put him to bed and about an hour later he came to me crying his eyes out saying he missed "mama". He had a picture of her with him and it just really broke my heart. I feel so bad for him. Just not much I can do...she sees him every other weekend and I try and get him to her during the week and we call on the phone every night...but there is nothing I can do to really make it right for him. All I can do is be the best father I can be.

The divorce should be easy...we are going to share the same lawyer and she just wants to sign paper work. Looks like it will be all over in the next 2 months. Time to get on with the rest of my life.

SRT,
I am sorry that it has come to this sad end for you and your son and wife. But as you move on with the rest of your life you will come to a much better place. You don't deserve to be in this disrepecful of a situation. It is sad for her too because someday she will realize what she has given up.

I wish the best for all of you.


JKG

Some news...I could use some advice. Well spoke with a lawyer today and set an appt for tomorrow to start the D process. Should be simple...we have agreed on everything...divorce will be uncontested...etc... Had emailed the W for some info I needed for tomorrow. Did not hear back from her so I called this evening...was having dinner at my parents...celebrating my birthday...W lives near my parents so I decided to give her a call when I was leaving to get the information. She surprises me and says why don't you come over. So I said ok...whatever...was a little shocked she asked me to come over.

Get there...light conversation at first...I bring up the info I need and she breaks down...says she feels like she is making a huge mistake...still has doubts...does not want a divorce...she tries and tries to convince herself that we should divorce but in the end she can't convince herself it is the right thing...she is upset she went down this path of her new life but does not know how to get out of it. Wants to come back but is afraid./lost..."I don't know how to come back I'm not sure if "we" you and I can get back to that place we once had." I basically tell her I have never stopped loving her...that I do believe in her...the choices that are being made are her choices...I want her back in my life. She clams up a little and the rest of the evening we just play with our son.

I get home and she had replied to my earlier email...and expressed her doubts about the divorce and her fears etc...so I email her back "All I can say W is I still love you very much. These last 6 months have been the worst for me but through it all…through all that has happened I still love you…I still believe in you…I believe in us…I do not believe the person you have become is the real you…I know we were madly in love once and I do not think anything has changed that…those feelings are still there…and I do not think they are far from the surface…I do not want a divorce either but I also know I cannot live in the shadows and be the second man in your life. As hard as it is and as much as I do not really want to I need to move on and start living my life again…" I also email her an inspirational post from someone on here (Lori) that did recover their marriage after an A...

Well she emails me back...saying she is packing her bags and wants to spend the next few nights at our home. So the fog seems to be lifting or at least she is starting to realize some of the consequences. Kind of a scary proposition for me...I feel like I am opening myself up to get hurt again...but I am willing to do that. What should I do these next few evening with us together?

Anyway...kind of a comical scene...this weekend I had took all of our pictures off of the walls...just getting prepared for the divorce and figuring eventually I am going to have a date in my house and I do not want reminders of my ex everywhere. Well now I am running around putting them all back up...do not want to ruin the moment when she comes home to see that type change.

I do not know what to expect these next couple nights...I am trying not to get my hopes up...probably scares me more than anything if she really decides she wants to come back and work on us...I know we are in for a lot of hard work and it will not be easy. I was starting to accept plan D...plan recovery is probably a much tougher road to travel...well wish me luck.

While you are not yet in Plan B/D mode, get ready for some good Plan A ing.
remember she may be cake eating and just wanting to ensure you are a 'back up' in the future.
Don't go too heavy or try to talk it out unless she starts it. Fill the love bank, and suggest the only way back is through good pro marriage counseling, maybe with Dr Harley ????, if she is serious will she consider this?

Have you got some MB stuff to 'leave' around the house? Any of the books etc?

I'm just saying don't expect too much just be ready to use the opportunity to add to the love bank and show her what a wonderful life she is going to loose out on with you and your son. ......... you can always go on with Plan D and the lawyers if she is just toe dipping.

Good luck!!

If she wants to spend some nights at your place, see if you can get her to talk to JC or SH.

Yes!!!

Do this!

Get her to talk to SH, before you agree to call off the D.

He will show her how she can find her way back to you. He will give you both a plan.

~ Marsh

PS: I would have left the pictures off the walls. She needs to KNOW how close you are to moving on.

Well more drama this morning...typical change of plans...she is not coming over tonight but will be over tomorrow. Said she was up all night last night. Now talking about moving closer so she can see our S more often.

I fully understand what it is really coming to...I am pulling her cake eating away from her. Last night she was talking about..."can't we have a family vacation together this summer"...I am like "I do not think so...I can no longer spend time with you like that...it hurts me too badly...you are on your own...I need to separate for my own sanity..." I am headed to Las Vegas in June and she was thinking maybe she could go with...I am like I really do not think so...she needs to understand when we divorce we are over. What it is really all about is her OM and her not willing to give him up...the A still is strong...I have made it clear on no uncertain terms I will not allow her back without that being over and NC being established. Now she sees she is going to lose me and feeling the consequences of that loss. Cake eating is where it is at and I guarantee that will soon be ended...let OM fill all of her needs...

Quite a mess...I cancelled my lawyer appt for today...so she bought herself some time but I will probably reschedule for later this week. I wish I could wake her up and blow away the fog...I think it is slowly lifting but I am afraid it will be too late before she fully realizes her errors in judgement. I think it will take the divorce and a year or two away from her son before she realizes what a mistake she has made...the only thing that would surely kill it is the ending of the affair...as much as she would never admit it...that is what this is all about. I wish I could do something to hasten the end of the affair but I think any interference would likely make then stronger...the best thing to end the affair is probably for us to divorce and remove my support...it would put a lot of pressure on their relationship...the sad thing is things will be too late then.

I could probably just wait it out but I am not willing to do that as I feel I would be risking the custody of my son. So I am going to proceed down plan D and make sure I protect myself and my S.

That is a good point. They will be coming down again tonight. Things need to be made more real for her.

Divorce papers are just that, papers. Once she has nothing to gain (cake eating, fence sitting) let's see if she truly misses family life, her son, stability, etc or if she is truly willing to give it all up for this loser, POS OM and the addiction of an affair. I would first protect my son and myself and then make sure that if she ever gets her head out of her rear end and begans to understand what "real love and committment" is then the two of you could talk, D'd or not.

Agreed divorce does not necessarily mean the end but...it will definitely a big step in that direction and is going to cost me a lot of money. I will be handing her a large sum of money and I cannot see getting back with her a year or two down the road after her affair is ended...she has burned through all of the $ and is then looking to come back like some runaway dog who has had all of its fun and now is looking for the safety of home...food and shelter. I can really see that happenning and I have to admit I am not in love with that scenario...so while I will proceed towards divorce I am doing everything I can to prevent it now. Once divorced I think the chances of us getting back together decrease significantly. It is like I feel like paid the consequences and suffered through everything...I will be much less likely to go down that path again with her.