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Joined: Nov 2006
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Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Joined: Jul 2006
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jlds, I have been lurking on the website for a long time...about 6-8 months. I have never really posted anything of my story...in fact, I have only posted once...just as a little encouragement to another poster.
I came here because I was in the same situation you are in now. I was tempted...tempted to do something really foolish. I am so grateful that I came to MB because I did NOT do it.
Since then, I have been following many of the stories here and I feel horrible that I could have even considered causing the kind of pain I've read about here to my husband. I have been so moved by the stories, the MB principles, the support, etc that I have taken many steps to improve my marriage rather than go looking elsewhere to have my ENs met.
This website was the answer to a desperate prayer from me and I am grateful every day. Listen to the other posters jlds. They KNOW what they are talking about.
You need to run, not walk from the potential OM in your life. Figure out what EN's you are looking to him to fill and work on your own marriage. You say your DH is wonderful, but something is missing.
Also, I think this about your sitch. The fact that the OM is confortable saying the things to you that he does tells me that he sees in you a possibility of a relationship. That is a very telling fact. It means, that it is not all him doing the flirting and acting inappropriately. You've at least made him think you might be interested in more. Think about that.
I wish you the best. I'd be willing to discuss this further if you'd like. I do get it.
You were wise to come to MB.
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 13
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I_am-greatful -
Thank you SO MUCH for your words of encouragment, and understanding. I am "trying" on letting this go. I keep telling myself there is no harm! We do not talk via e-mail or phone! Yes, there is heavy flirting, obvious attraction and chemistry, he practically "begged", or should I say pushed his "club" on me, and admitted he was glad I did - so, there is a lot of verbal flriting going on, and a bit of other stuff going on - but I am like - this is crazy, nothing is going to happen, and especially, if something was going to happen, it would have happened by now!
UGH - I would love to talk with you about this. I would love to really know about your situation, what you went through, and how you made your marriage better. I would let you know, everything that has gone on, but do not want to post it her publically - thanks again. Hope to talk to ya soon!
jlds
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Joined: Jul 2004
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The fastest and surest way to end this is to tell your husband and his wife.
Then you can go from being "his friend" to "that crazy b*tch" and everyone can go on their merry transparent way.
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
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Why don't you just tell your husband? Keeping this from him is already hurting your relationship more than you can imagine. You are already engaging in an affair. You are doing to your husband exactly what you claim that you don't want to do. Tell him and end it now!
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Joined: Jul 2006
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jlds, Feel free to email me at the following email address if you would like to discuss things privately. It is a safe, private address. IAmGrateful2006@aol.com
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 982
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JLDS, I am concerned about your behavior related to your emotional affair.
You seem to be playing games with yourself even on this Marriage Builders Web site regarding your emotional affair.
Games about how it won't go Physical because.... fill in the blank with whatever rationalization you can find to assure yourself that it won't go physical.
Talking to us on this web site does not make your emotional affair go away or turn it into something that is not an emotional affair.
Saying that because you do not e-mail him or talk on the phone to him does not make it a non-affair.
It is an emotional affair. It is very disrespectful to your Husband who you say is a very good man who does not deserve this treatment.
So what if it does not ever go physical??? (and by the way, if you continue the EA, it will likely go physical) Even an emotional affair is very hurtful to your spouse and to your marriage.
Just read my thread and you will see what I mean. I am a rational, level headed, independent, professional woman. My Husband had an emotional affair that was shorter and less sexual than the things you are apparently doing.
My husband and I have a good marriage, no significant issues. People have always viewed us as having a good marriage. This thing he did hurt me terribly. We still spend a lot of time trying to deal with it,
Like you, while he was doing the EA, he denied that it was anything terribly bad. He knew it was a betrayal to me, but like you, he thought it was ok since there was nothing physical involved in it.
It took him weeks to see through his fog. But now, he is horrified at his behavior. A lot of his was through e-mail and I was able to read some of it after I discovered it. He is extremely remorseful about his actions and wishes he could take back those weeks of behavior.
Stop This Behavior. Stop Disrespecting your Husband, Your Marriage, and Yourself.
Just End It. Stop Playing Games About What You Are Doing. Lake
Lake BW-53 FWH-54 H had EA 3 weeks 06 Married 1977
N C 4-10-06 3 DSs In Recovery
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
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jlds ~
Just wondering where you are with this...have you told ypur H? OMW?
Hoping you are doing the right thing...learning from other people's mistakes.
~MF
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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