Only as long as its not within THEIR relationship. Then THAT would be different and unacceptable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I find it hilarious when things go sour between an OW & the MM. Just one night this week, my sister ran into an active OW at karaoke. She started complaining about her MM not calling her anymore. That perhaps he's working things out w/his W. HOw much this upset her b/c he just left her hanging. Boo hoo! Boo hoo! My sister said, "What did you expect? You knew what you were getting yourself into from the get go. Get over it." and walked away. Left her w/her mouth hanging open that no one was "supportive". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My xh and the wistress are in that 3 darned percent.

Happiness?

Bah humbug...hmmm..let's see...2 weeks ago right before Xmas I find out he has left the wistress (her own mouth asking the whereabouts of my xh as if I'd know..had no clue incidentally)for 3 days because of a drunken brawl in downtown atl where he got his cajones handed to him in the form of an [censored] whooping by a former nfl football player (served him right and bout time)...and the wistress took up for the football player...hmmm...funny huh?

They've separated several times. They sleep as of last week according to my son who said daddy sleeps in the guest suite and FV (her nickname) in her room.

Wow...and they just celebrated their third wedded anniversary of unholy bliss?

The three percent AINT WHAT IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE.

My theory? They go seeking somebody else thinking a PERSON IS THE SOLUTION to what is wrong in their lives...when it's not really a person at all. It is maybe a mental problem, emotional one, and they don't get help or ask for help. Our M was good before "the fall"...that is before the transformation of my xh into the WS monster.

Like one day he snapped and never came back.

It happens.

But that 3 percent they aspire to be in? It's a crock of s*it!

JustPeachy!! Have missed ya muchly, girl!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Aloha Peach,

So Jethro is still making news..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Howa been? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Betcha that young man of yours is growing up fast. Send some pics ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Hi Peachy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It's always a pleasure to read your posts.

So, things continue to rot in the house of Darth, huh? This 3% statistic is very misleading. If those GloryB girls think that everyone in the club is happy, they are sadly mistaken - most will end up like Darth and FV, staying together only because they have to 'prove' that they were right to destroy so many lives for their own selfishness...

I 'used' to be friends with a man and his wife whose union was the product of an affair. This guy was my boss - I thought he was OK, really quite liked him. But I haven't had anything to do with him and his wife since my own marriage ended.

His affair-wife was 15 years younger than him - he had left his first wife and kids for her, and married her - typical MLC stuff. In my pre-affair ignorance then, I though they were a very happy couple. I knew nothing about infidelity then, and was completely non-judgemental about their marriage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Only after infidelity 'happened' to me did I, in retrospect, understand about this couple's relationship. That, although they have stayed together (for about 20 years now) their relationship was actually rotten to the core.

Firstly, they never had children together. The woman was only 24 when they married, but the man didn't want more children, as he had two young children from his first marriage. She is now post-menopausal, and I can't believe this isn't a major regret for her. What an enormous thing to give up for a man. As I have said, the man is 15 years older than her, and not in the best of health either. He will obviously die years before she does - and then what will she have?

Also, the woman is an alcoholic. Again, I didn't think much about her drinking before my ex left me, but now I think it is very telling. She recently got so drunk that she slipped in the lavatory in a pub, and suffered brain damage. She permanently lost her sense of smell. I have come to realise that drinking and dysfunctional relationships very often go hand in hand.

The man’s children from his first marriage never really ‘imposed’ on his new fantasy marriage. He only ever had them for weekends, twice a month, and his new wife was never really the ‘stepmother’ type – she never really had that much to do with them. This is how, I am sure, that they kept the marriage together so long – they managed to keep reality, in the form of a nuclear family, away.

The husband is a very strong, type A personality. I have recently learned from his closest friend that he is actually a real bully. That he is mentally and verbally cruel to his wife. Obviously, regret and anger and blame sit deep at the heart of this relationship. I also know that he was serially unfaithful to his first wife, even before he met the second. There is virtually no chance at all that he has been faithful to his affair-bride, is there?

I thought this relationship was strong and healthy – I though their situation romantic! I can’t believe I felt that way now! This marriage has lasted for 20 years, but it is a bad and unhappy marriage, despite outward signs to the contrary. And it is the VERY MOST that the GloryB girls can aspire to.

Alph.

Even if 3% make it there is always that faint air of doubt, what if......

When an R is not built on trust, then until the trust is earned or built into the R, there is always a chance of......

What a way to grow old. One thing that does bring some comfort....OPs do....get old....all that plastic surgery won't stop it. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

And boy, does Omelette need it - even at the age of 28!

Meow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

As a card carrying member of the 3% club (15 years) and an eventual BW I have to say that I didn't feel any sense of accomplishment when my MM and married, I only felt relief that the horrible journey was over.

I was terribly young when I met my MM, and in my ignorance and arrogance thought I could cope with issues that came along with being in a relationship with someone who was previously married. I think it comes along with the mindset of a 22 year old.

I didn't break up my MM's marriage either, his XW did that, she was (and still is) a crack addict. They were actually separated at the time of our dating as she had stolen his brand new car and most of his household goods to sell them for drugs. It's difficult to know exactly which one of them cheated first, or worse, or got the shorter end of their divorce deal. I know that he paid for three separate rounds of rehab before he met me. I also know my presence in his life gave him a reason to say "no" to any more of her repeated rounds of returning to and leaving the family when her drug money ran out.

I think the reason that the 3% club doesn't come here to post is the same reason I don't post much...the overwhelming attitude from most here that no matter what we may have done that's good in our lives, no matter what the circumstances of the creation of our marriages, no matter how much we may regret the past and want to improve the present, no matter how unhappy we may be, no matter what kind of people we are today as apposed to the people the people we were yesterday (or 15 years ago), we don't deserve any of it.

All we deserve is lives full of as much misery as fate can dish out because we were once just far to evil for words so we deserve every nasty moment that we live.

Why would any sane person want to attempt to converse with someone who had that sort of preset attitude against them? [color:"#666666"] [/color]

Most of the 3 percent'ers DON'T HAVE LONG standing marriages...and that is something we've found alot to be true...they simply cut and run from their spouse, run immediately to their OP fix, and then think the fix can FIX THEMSELVES! that's the problem...those who run from M to M aren't getting it...it's about working on YOU...there are internal issues. Sorry to hear that you're having troubles...sounds like your WH never got it...but I hope and pray your H does a turn around for the sake of your family and pray the best for you.

Now those over on THAT board who aspire to be in this club don't seem to understand that concept whatsoever...they see either the $$$ or the looks or both or the house or the lifestyle and THEY WANT THAT...they don't really analyze WHAT OR WHO they want to get...and when they reel in the married man or woman...suddenly they see it wasn't always what they thought it was...and yea, the Married person cheating always finds out there is either something missing, still not enough happiness there so they find something else to run to yet again. I see it as a vicious cycle that can not be broken unless the serial cheater(s) stop, look inside, and WANT TO FIX their own lives first.

That's why MB is a good approach ...and why I also love Dr. James Dobson...

It's a soul/mental health issue usually in the end that needs fixing.

But the 3 percent er's usually end up just as another stat.

what an unusual description of your courtship experience

"relief that the horrible journey was over"

this is how your marriage began?

with no sense of accomplishment?

how sad is that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I don't think you deserve anything bad as a result of this. Your H was separated... he was only waiting for the legalities to finish while you were dating.... no big deal. There is no reason that he should have had to wait to begin his life again as a result of her actions and the fact that they were separated. Many people think it is okay to date while seperated and so long as everyone is honest about it, I see it as a personal choice... and in this case that choice was made all the easier for him due to his wifes behaviors.
Now, I would not ever look on a marriage that was the result of an affair in a positive light... I think it is just sin with a coat of paint on top of it. I do not look at your situation like that at all. I personally do not date women that are separated... but I know some good people that have and some that have been married for a long time.
Now... a caveat to this. Any person that leaves their spouse just so they can screw around is cheating in my eyes. But in a case like yours where the person is just waiting for the ink to dry to get out of an abusive relationship... I say use your best judgement.

Well there's a surprise. Cheaters cheat.

You're kidding, right?

Do you know how many members here are in Plan A or B who are MARRIED but separated?

Regardless of honesty MEDC, they are married so its still adultery (aka cheating).

What happens when Plan A/B are effective and the WS comes back to a spouse who is now DATING (aka cheating too). Quite the mess I would suspect.

Bottom line, if you want to date, GET A DIVORCE FIRST.

I would agree with you in most cases.... but not all. Sometimes divorce takes a long time and in my opinion if a couple has decided to divorce, it is up to them as individuals if they want to date. That's why I included honesty in that equation.
If I were a woman, abused by my H... or a H by his W... or cheated on by my spouse... and I fully intended to get a divorce... I see nothing wrong with dating. Why should a person be held to your or my standards when they are acting in an honest fashion? So, what if the abuser drags out the divorce proceedings to a snails pace...no, IMHO, the governments stamp of divorce has NOTHING to do with right or wrong. I can understand your perspective, but just disagree.
Now, please note that I am very clear in what I said regarding cheaters... always have been. Cheating in my opinion should be a crime.... punishable by jail time. Dating while awaiting a divorce under certain situations is not something I would recommend... but I will not condemn it either.

[quote] Do you know how many members here are in Plan A or B who are MARRIED but separated? [quote]

Yes, lots. That's not the people I am speaking of.

Let's just say that Believer had made a full informed decision to divorce her H. I would never have held it against her if she met someone before the state placed a stamp on her divorce. Her H made the decision to abandon the marriage. She has a right to decide how she wishes to live her life in the future. Just my opinion.

You're kidding right?
A BS that has made the decision to divorce is not going to Plan A or Plan B. They are divorcing. I am talking about someone that has made a definite decision to divorce and is waiting on the courts.

Can't tell you how many BS's WSes have lied to the OP telling them their BS was okay with divorcing, all the while lying.


The operative word above "Intended", but then Plan A/B are implemented and now both spouses are involved in adultery.

So much for good intentions.

Yes... resilent you make great points. But they are NOT what I was speaking of. Please take the time to read my words. I am not talking about someone that LIES to a person to get over on them. I agree with every point you are making... but they are not relevant to what I am saying.

"Let's just say that Believer had made a full informed decision to divorce her H. I would never have held it against her if she met someone before the state placed a stamp on her divorce"

Oh, great, now everyone knows. MEDC - I did have a slip about a year and a half ago. Went to a charity event at the yacht club, and ran into an old friend. One drink led to another, and I ended up spending the night on his boat.

The bad thing is that I felt so HORRIBLE about it, that I no longer wanted to be friends with him.

When in doubt, always wait for the divorce to be final.