Plan B????? You need to be firmly in Plan A.

While she is gone read up on this website, especially plan A, and get yourself a copy of SAA. You'll get through this, but you need a greater understanding of the concepts and a plan.

While I agree with you I have this big problem.
A wife who is trying to figure out her life while working 12+ hours at tradeshows the next 11 days. This job, which we both agree is killing her, and us is one that she is trying to get out of. So here I am at home trying to figure out PLAN A & B and I only get a short amount of time in the day to comuunicate with her, via cell or email. It usually comes around the end of the day when she just needs complete down time.

You need to plan A for at least six months. Also, if NC with OM is established, you need to continue indefinitely with plan A until she commits to the M. Plan A/B is to end an A. If the A is ended, you need to just fill up her love bank.

whoops, sorry about the Plan B comment. I have been reading so many thins I got it mixed up. I don't plan on seperating myself from my wife. I plan on doing the carrot & stick of plan A.

since my last posts my wife has returned from her crazy work schedule. I am moving forward with Plan A and working out a lot of the Emotional Needs that she needs from me. It's frustrating as I want her to open up to me, but she doesn't like to talk about it and it is difficult for me to figure out US if she doesn't want to talk about her issues. For instance:
She is considering leaving her line of work, yet she has no real savings and I have been covering most of the costs. When I raise questions about her lack of cash reserves I am accused of being a dream smasher. In reality I am trying to raise question & issues I see with her lack of planning for her new career. For instance today she mentioned her need for another car, yet she can't stick to a simple budget and seems to always overspend. Seeing & hearing this is hard for me, as I do financing for a living and I see people do cashout refinances all the time because they can't stick to a budget.

Gar,

Twice you said that you analyze, plan too much about the future and not your present...

Then you say you raise questions about her lack (right there is a flag) of cash reserves (is that separate finances?) and issues YOU see with her lack of planning her new career.

Does this career mean she won't be travelling? If so, why not take the FS hit...it's cheaper than a divorce, isn't it?

You wanted her to stop travelling...now, are you sabotaging your marriage and yourself?

You have problems with her having an A, fiscal irresponsibility and a other things...

Seems like you're focusing on her stuff a lot...instead of your own personal recovery and affair-busting.

When you said OBF was separated from his current partner for six months...why have you not exposed to her? I ask because many couples who aren't married but live together have trial separations...and in their play marriages, separations are not endings...why not get her name and number and call her as a courtesy that OBF is having an affair with your wife?

Natural for you to be a big fragmented...can be lethal to your marriage. Get your focus set in Plan A to be authentic...not wanting her to open up, making sure YOU open up...do active listening (listen and repeat)...do O&H statements about your stuff...inject respect and hand back what she says with choice...not guidance. Teaching her (about FS or anything) is a big LB.

Disrespectful.

She's can take all that you posted and say, "See! That's why I need to have this A!" No admiration, appreciation or respecting she's as capable as you are...begin now...you can't change her wayward justifications...only YOU can control yourself and know your intent.

You can do this. My DH was a shopoholic SA...isn't one now. Lots can change...and yes, I beat him down with planning, analyzing, living in a future which I couldn't possibly know (as much fantasy as A's are)...stop.

What are the LB's you've identified you do and have you stopped them?

LA