Yes, in times when a person is not questioning their very perception of reality, when they are not questioning their ability to reason and to make good decisions, when they are not questioning their own sanity...

when all reason has not been blown to smitherenes because of the major inability to trust themselves and their own perceptions of the truth -

I would agree, that the individual needing the answers is the best to decide.

but that ability has been shattered, at least temporarily. Especially in the case of long term affairs where the BS has been lied to, lied to, lied to and has lost his ability to discern fact from fiction.

An outsider, who can be trusted, may be more needed by the BS then at any other time in his life.

I get a little crazy when I discover lies. I need help to settle me down and help me find my equalibrium again. I need help until I can trust my own instincts.

I wouldn't trust myself very much in the beginning of recovery.

Edited to add:

Des, I see you are still here and talking. Good. I had started a thread for you so you wouldn't disappear.