I heard from my lawyer today stating that the papers are ready to be signed for my LSA. Feeling a little gloomy about this. I know that I am protecting myself and my son financially, but emotionally, it hurts to know that WH is okay with this. Meh, I'll feel better once I get used to it, I know, but today, it's a bit depressing.

It's just another reminder that my WH is okay with this, with separation, with preparations for divorce. I am happy that this is finally done, as I've been waiting for so long; more like relieved I guess, because it gives us no other reasons to contact one another. I'm sad, because it gives us no reasons to contact one another...

((((((((((SL))))))))

I sorry to hear that you are hurting today...it must be difficult to have that reality hit you even thought you THINK you are ready...

How can we ever be ready for something like this? YOU have done SO WELL! It's okay to feel the way you do...and know that tomorrow will be better.


Would it make YOU feel better to talk to him one last time? To say one more time that YOU wish things were different, that you really want this M...

What would this do for YOU? Would it give you serenity?

I find that what I expect to happen seldom does...are you expecting something from him?

Just offering my shoulder to you...me and my gift of God...

....psst...did you hear we got a puppy??????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This is an awful time for anyone to go through and seeing carelessness in the eyes of your spouse makes it an even more difficult pill to swallow. Rest assured that things will improve for you, however the same can not be said about your WH. Although he seems fine, deep down he has tremendous conflict that he will have to deal with.

When I signed my LSA I felt empty and extremely sad. So many questions and so little answers. Stay strong and know it will get better.

I'm happy you got the LSA. It will protect you and your son. I wish I'd gotten one about 3 years ago. It would have saved a lot of heartache.

Rin,

I know that talking to WH would only bring upon me more chaotic thoughts and panic; it's not an option IMO. It would, however, be nice to talk to my H, even if it was one last time, just to hear his love for me; WH holds no such love, not close enough to the surface to allow him to break free from whatever is holding him back. The truth is, he may be immensely happier now, I wouldn't know, as none of us do, and that is the struggle. If he would only tell me to go away, I'm not wanted, and mean it, well, that would hurt, but it would be CLEAR; I hate this damned limboland...

HTW,
I continue to get up every morning, breathe in and out, and get on with living. I still have WH in my thoughts throughout the day, questioning what I should do; this special torture has subsided quite a bit since October, and I'm grateful for every moment of peace in my head. I know it will get better, because there is really no place to go but UP! I plan on going tomorrow afternoon to sign the LSA, and I know that it will be difficult, but I must take care of myself and my DS.

Believer,

I remember right after the first Dday, I went to my current lawyer for a consultation, even though my head was full of clouds and smoke. I was so distraught, and yet I still had the presence of mind to take care of my family. I'll always put that ahead of my WH and anyone who tries to hurt me.

SL,

I think more then anything I admire you for moving forward.

I would think that this milestone in your life sucks right now but it is a milestone none the less.

From being here on this board I see many people, myself included, not moving forward. Sometimes unfortunately moving forward means an LSA or a D or being a doormat.

I felt much better when I decided to move forward. I was done waiting.

In one way or another you will be ok. You are stronger and better off for the decesions you have made. YOu have your pride and dignity and without those two things you wouldn't have much.

Keep your head up. Good luck and best wishes.

Thanks Frog!



Um, you've got me worried here, sounds like you're saying something here Frog...is there anything you need to talk about? I could be wrong, but this isn't a positive statement.

Anyhoo, this does suck, but I keep going back to that night that I received call from WH, him believing he was contacting OW, hearing the excitement in his voice to be meeting up with her....it still hurts to the core, and that image that I've developed in my head, of him being happy-go-lucky, well, I see it as his truth.

He may be fighting within himself, struggling with his choices, and thoughts of home, me and family, but no one can hear that, much less someone who is completely separated from him, so I have to go on what I've heard and actions taken.

I SEE nothing from him, and NO ACTIONS toward recovery. It hurts, but it's the truth--he's currently happy with the situation. I must let go, for myself...

I've thought about recovery, and how VERY difficult it would be, on many levels, and I'm beginning to lose faith that it could work for us anyway, as the last time we tried, WH didn't want to 'deal' with me. I fear false recovery again. It's so deeply painful once, much less again. It would take sooo much more than I believe he is capable of for now. We'll see, I'm watching out of the corner of my eye, but I'm letting my heart and mind work together now.

Mimi was right, contact only causes panic, and in the end, is fruitless with a WS...

SL,

NO!!!! I am actually now moving forward in a very positive direction. One quite honestly I didn't believe was possible but I didn't do that until I definitively(sp) decided to do that. I was moving forward with or without the FWW. That is when things started getting better. Thanks for asking though. LOL.

I wouldn't contact him either. What you are doing is what is best for you and your son.

Like I said it is a milestone. You are doing great.

Thanks for the concern. I am moving forward. One day I will update my sitch. LOL.

Whew, frog, you nearly gave me a coronary!!! I'm so glad to hear about you BOTH moving on; that is superb news. Whew, again...

I've been ready for the LSA for a while, even wishing to get it over with. It will allow me to go even darker, and completely shift focus back to me. I know that I still have a bit of depression to deal with, and I think time will help. I used to be an active girl, but have been a slug for a few years now. I hope to get some 'get up and go' soon, but will not FORCE the change. I have changed my diet a bit. Have put much more protein and lowered my fat intake, and fast food stuff. I am working toward changing my lifestyle bit by bit. I'll be 35 in a couple of weeks, and I want to be the 'cute' 35 yo mommy, not that frump...I have begun to visualize my body being more healthy, and that gives me drive to achieve it. Slow and steady

I have a 80lb heavy bag in the basement, as well as my weight bench, which I was using before the holidays, but the depression put me in a slump. I just need to find the 'get up and go' like I said...(it's also tough, because I can't get much done when DS wants to hit the heavy bag with me; I can't get the heartrate up with him around)

SL,

Going through the legal process was both empowering to me because it allowed me to actively impact my own life as opposed to just observing chaos. But it was also quite sad.

Going dark and working on yourself is the only way to go.

God Bless.

HL

HI, I didn't feel like I had to say exactly what you wrote...

Did it help to write it all down?

Have I told you lately how proud I am of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I see you continueing to climbing that staircase! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Arghhhhh. I started posting and freeking closed the page on accident. I hate that. LOL.

So Silent I love MB but now that my head is a little clearer it seems like some are spinning their wheels. I was one of them.

Let me explain. Plan A, Plan B, then Plan D, what I think most are missing is the PLAN part. A plan has a goal in mind, a place to get too, and acceptable results. If in plan A for how long and what do I want to get out of it. If plan A isn't successful then Plan B etc.

If you do your part and the WS/FWS doesn't contribute then keep moving toward the next step. If that ends up in recovery for the M great if it ends in D great. You worked your plan and during that time you should have gone through some personal recovery as well.

You can only control you and your actions. You have done that. You are a testement to how it should work.

When I said I was one of those people I was. I wanted something, I wasn't moving forward. I kept waiting and waiting to get the same thing I wasn't getting. Then I got up and started ACTING and then things started to come together.

That is why you are an inspiration.

The depression is understandable but it is something you can overcome as well. Go hit that heavy bag work out some. That will help.

I think you are doing great and you are an inspiration. You have a goal and you are doing what you need to do to achieve that goal.

Thanks Rin and Frog,

Eating habits being changed was a HUGE one for me, as I've been eating a lot of crap lately, and I feel better about the choice, not to mention the energy levels and mood.

I do have a plan, to be happy, and to heal slowly and surely; to hear the thoughts, process them, learn what NOT to do, and move on to the next one. I'm in Plan B, and it is working for me; I don't plan on being here forever, but I don't plan on going back to having WH in MY life; I plan to move to Plan D when I'm ready, unless WH files before me; if WH files, it's a clear response to my Plan B. I will not fight it. I will fight for what's mine, for my DS, but not for a unwilling WS.

I have good days and bad, they're probably 60/40, respectively. It's getting better. I'm getting better. I have started to ACT on what I want in my head; the healthier diet, healthier lifestyle, bringing my friends closer, and working on my own demons. My choices are more reflective of the happy, confident person that resides inside myself. I'm gettin' there. I hope others stop by and get a chance to see that change does happen, as well as setbacks, but through it all, you will come out fine, happy, and ready to move on...

See that is what I am talking about.

You are at point A and want to get to Point B. You have a goal and there a several ways to get there.

IE losing weight. You can go Atkins, Weight Watcher, Lindora the list goes on and on.

Sitting there for a year not choosing one gets you no closer to your goal. If you chose one and it doesn't work for you then either try another or give up.

I am heaping praise on you today because I see someone that isn't an M at all cost person.

You have a goal and I know you will achieve that. YOu are already started.

Good for you.

I think you pointed out what needs to be a crieteria and that is a Willing FWS or WS. If you don't have that then the plan becomes simpler.

Good for you spotting that and doing what is best for you.

Ok, well I just returned home after signing my LSA; it says such matter of fact, horrible things, legal crap, but most of all, it says that we can now exist as if we were never married. Ouch! I remembered that statement from the original that I had written (actually I didn't include the 'as if we were never married', my lawyer did). I have only seen notes about changes to be made, so I haven't read the entire document since Aug '06. That part really set me back. I was VERY tempted to TM my WH to say that I just signed our M away, but I didn't, because all I would here in return in blah blah blah. I've come to the conclusion that it is better for me not to be a part of his triangulation of life; yeah, I would get morsels of attention here and there, but, all in all, it would just serve his happiness and wreck any hope of mine...

I'm getting better at withholding my thoughts and waiting for calm clarity. I'm ready to get this behind me, and let the pain subside. I knew that we were living as if M didn't exist, now I have a piece of paper that says it. Whew, one more thing completed. This 'coaster can be a bit rough sometimes, and does give me pains in my neck from the jerky moments, but I'm gettin used to that too...

FROG...I'll be sure to reread your last post here tomorrow, when I can better soak up the praise; right now, I feel like a quitter; I know I'm NOT, I haven't failed anyone, but my old brain still allows the emotion to flood in. I'll be more receptive tomorrow. Thanks...

SL,

GEEZ I am about to beat you about the head with this. You are not a FAILURE. You are a success.

That's just it you have reached an inevitable conclusion with what was presented to you.

A failure IMVHO would be someone that stayed in that M as it existed.

If the WH decided to change and become a man of conviction and morals that sought forgiveness through making amends and being repentent and remorseful then maybe staying in the M would make sense.

Then and only then could I see how maybe just maybe you would consider yourself a mild failure. But nobody says a BS has to forgive.

We have every right to a D even if the WS or FWS is the best S in the world after an A.

Either way you are a Success. You are what others should strive to be after an A when the WS isn't remorseful of repentent.

That is just my opinion.

SMACK!!! BOOM, and silent takes a 2x4 to the head...

Thanks Frog, I do feel changed and better, and [email]d@mnit[/email], you are right; I want a good man, one who seeks forgiveness and strives beyond recovery for happines with me again; I'm not seein it, so I'm not buyin it. I feel better already.

Good for you!!!!!

SilentL:

Go back and read your Plan B letter.

Did you give it to your WH?

Did he respond in an appropriate manner?

Then pick that head up. No 2x4's required.

The signposts on the road to your destination are hurtful.

LSA
Child Support
Dispositions
Visitation
Final Decree

Etc.

H, not WH, but H, can stop this at any time. Plan B details the path back.

WH has decided to go down the other path.

YOU just have to go because of this.

But YOU will be stronger before it is all over. And ready for it. OK?

LG,

Did I give WH Plan B letter? Yes

Did he respond in appropriate manner? I would have to say yes, he did not try to contact me, and followed instructions per dropping off/picking up son, contacting me through intermediary...

I'm ready to move on from this...I'm sure that I will be as ready as I can be for D, when/if it happens. I look forward to having many months of Plan B before any of this occurs; I'm just now starting to 'get it' myself...It takes a long time to get through your own fog as a BS. I prefer reality. Since this afternoons meeting with the lawyer, my thoughts are already turning toward moving forward from this. I don't dwell NEARLY as much as I used to, and that is so relieving to know.

I love that the same people keep watch over me; it's like my own little therapy hour....no more dang pity parties here...Ye-yay-ye-yay!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />