i see you already replied to the question about contacting Steve.

Do you think your H would make the call with you?

I couldn't be happier for you. I just long for the day that my WW will say that to me. You should be proud of yourself for fighting so hard. Talk to SH, take it slowly, and make sure all your PBL conditions are met. Wow. I'm seriously crying I'm so happy for you right now. God bless MB and everyone on these forums.

SL,

A heart tugging letter.

Ditto what everyone else has said. Recovery is hopefully around the corner.

SL, I would suggest giving him SH number and ask him to put his money where his mouth is (in a nice way of course).

Remember...look at his ACTIONS...not his WORDS!

Eav,

Listen to Jennifer. I hear you when you say you want to contact him to let him know where you stand, and I hear Jennifer telling you that she's okay with that, through your intermediary. Look at ALL of the stories here, some are doozies. I'm still right there with you eav, nothing has been determined yet.

LG, Mimi, eav, Marsh, cat, Jim, HTW, thank you for the posts, and advice. My heart has slowed it's pace. I will be able to think more clearly tomorrow. I need some sleep. I will change the thread name tomorrow, and be vigilent about posting. I will need you all more than ever.

MB worked for me, as it got me to Plan B, and I am, right now, calm, collected and ready to fight some more.

Even without this letter, I was telling myself just this evening (this was actually me talking to myself) C. stop that negative thinking, you are going to be okay, you will be happy again, even without your H; you don't want him as he is right now. No settling, don't contact him.

I've had to tell myself over and over not to contact him. I get where eav is coming from; I yearned to talk at him, to take crumbs. But I came here, and posted instead.

Please stick by me now. This is going to get bumpy...

SL
I know, I know...go slow...yada, yada...what they said (like I'd know from my vast experience being blown off by my WH)

But, DANG, GIRL! I'm GIDDY...yeah, that's right...GIDDY for you! You have come a long, long, long way. Let yourself bask in the light that you see at the end of the tunnel for a while. Yeah...don't go crazy...but breathe! Smile! Let yourself feel warm inside for just a few minutes. Indulge that...you deserve it, don't you think?

Worry about IC, MC, etc. tomorrow, Scarlett. It is another day.

((((SL!!!))) Yay!! (little jump)

LilSis

I would suggest for you to talk to Steve FIRST and STEVE will tell you EXACTLY how to proceed with your WH. He will inform you of how to broach the subject of speaking to him..

I love your response "BABY STEPS"...

You ssking him to speak to Steve is too big of a step right now, IMO...

PLAN B..PLAN B...I hope everyone is noting that you can't know whether it's WORKING are not...

SL,

I barely ever log in at night. For some reason I did.

GREAT JOB!!!! Listen to others little toe in to test the waters.

BOUNDARIES. LOL. May I also suggest a post nup. Get to an MC and an IC too.

Congrats for where you are. Remember regardless of how this turns out you are a great wonderful person.

He would be lucky as all get up for you to take him back. Tell him the luckiest man alive and he needs to act that way.

SL, like everyone else, I am ecstatic for you!

It sounds like you're on the right track with how to respond. Coming here first before contacting him was a good move. Going slowly and taking lots of deep breaths makes sense.

Don't take crumbs! You've endured the pain and agony for so long--be strong for a while longer! Talk to Steve. Or whoever suggested "Lose the OW--click" was on track (like I know). Slow.

Wow. Great job. I'm so happy for you!

i said a prayer for you last night

your H's e-mail sounds like everything we all hope to hear....now on to setting your boundries

I went back and re-read some of your thread and i saw where you said that you were jealous of other's whose plan B has worked. well i'm sad for me when again i realize that your plan b sees to be working very quickly.....it should give me hope but it makes me again realize how long we've been apart and how he seems to have "moved on with his life"....in my eyes, that's an indication after all this time that OW IS meeting his needs..... i think you understand

I do understand EXACTLY what you are saying. I was under the impression that my WH was having his needs fulfilled with the bachelor lifestyle. I felt that there was no way that I could compete with that. I THINK I was wrong. As Mimi says, these are assumptions, not based in any fact...

You have no idea what your Plan B is doing. Eav, I'm still waiting to see what comes of this, and I do have more hope now that I have seen these words from my H. He does not sound wayward in his letter. My fear is that the romance of his words will not match his actions. Words are just that. They can OBVIOUSLY instill hope, but they do not quell my fears, nor do mine quell his fears. All in, I was in a pseudo Plan B from July until October, when I entered into a REAL Plan B, so I've been at this for 6 months.

I get it, eav. I know you, In many ways I AM you, just in another state at another time in another body. The pain and fear is the same...

I can take all of the prayers that I can get right now.

I'm so happy for you, SL. I hope he meant everything he said to you and follows through with it. As we've learned here, love is an ACTION....

I hate to admit it, but I already broke Plan B last night. And I did, not WH. This news from you reinforces that Plan B can and does work and I have to stick with it.

I can just imagine what you were thinking as you were reading that email.....after your heart slowed down I'm sure one of them was, "what the heck do I do now?" Do what is right for YOU. Slowly.....

I'll leave the advice to the experts, but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and so happy for you.

I have an appointment with Jennifer this evening, 8PM Central (9PM my time). I filled out the love bank questionnaire, and have the email ready to reference, and I know the website fairly well, but will be reviewing the Basic concepts again (I haven't read them since last year).

I've read SAA, Love Buster, HNHN, and other books about working through infidelity. I hope I'm prepared...

YOU (guided by Harley advice) set the standards/terms/conditions for surrender

RECOVERY is HARD

so do not begin without a PLAN

I love this !!!!

Pep

Don't get your hopes up crazily. I have lots of letters like that from my ex - a whole stack of them written in Plan B. Your husband doesn't sound as fogged out though.

The problem is the email IS just talk. The email is not an action, like he seems to think. I would stay in Plan B, and my only reply would be "Is the OW out of the picture?"

But check with the Harleys.

I know, I'm very nervous. I really don't know how to even begin. Well, first part of my Plan is to talk to Jennifer.

No other women, complete transparency with regards to his daily activities, and all that entails, and counseling.

Slow slow slow slow...

In Plan B, a lot of the pain of the ORIGINAL sin has faded, but I know that it will rear it's ugly head when we are working toward recovery. The wound dressing must be removed and debrieded, and that's gonna smart...

SL- WOW, I'm very happy for you.

You are doing the right thing talking to Jennifer she will able to give you a plan. If she is a good as her brother she's going to knock your socks off.

Stay still, Gods will be done. Like everybody else said actions not words will tell you where he really is.

My WH just couldn't unload the OW. I broke Plan B because I was so excited about his "words", and that is all they were. I told him that MB had a plan for recovery, and he was encouraged by that. But somehow, he could never actually DO anything. The only condition I asked for was NC with OW.

Oh, I plan on having my boudaries in place, especially with OW's involvment in my M. This is all a bit early, I know, but I need to think of how to proceed.

There is much in the letter that points to him being honest. Him taking responsiblity for his prior actions by stating that his email is just words, but he doesn't want to TRY he wants to DO. These words do sound like my old friend/H. He used to be this emotionally honest, and it would floor me when he was.

So now, I just need to go slowly, and if he balks at my pace or doesn't back his email with more, then I have my answer...

I OH SO want to be over the moon about this, and in some ways, just the statements of his wrongdoing, with more sincerity than he has mustered in two years, I am over the moon. I'm still very tentative right now. I'm living in the RIGHT THIS SECOND mode. I'm not moving outside of that.

SL,

Ok now here is what I like to do in my life.

What is my goal and don't sell myself short. From my goal I work back wards. Reverse engineering if you will.

Then you will be able to figure out what to do.

I would definitely not break plan b until you speak with Jen. So that part of your plan is great.

In addition to what you don't want him to do, you might want to put in what you want him to do.

Also remember none of us our perfect if you decide to reconcile you may need to make changes as well.

This is a change and at least you got that. Be careful.

Like I have said before you deserve a wonderful man lets hope that can be your WH one day.

Don't sell yourself short.