I must remember to thank believer...

Thank you schoolbus, my GUT told me that I remember this man. He's that guy I met YEARS ago, and fell so hard for that I think I broke something...

I have replied in more detail to his email and stated that part of how we got to this place is that I pushed him, and didn't listen to what he was SAYING. I heard what he said, but I wasn't listening. I blamed myself inwardly, and pushed him away. I also mentioned that I am woman, mother, sister, auntie, daughter, but I CANNOT be MAN, daddy, uncle, brother, son, and that he is valued in all of these capacities. His son needs him, he needs him every day...

I then said AGAIN, baby steps. I wanted him to know that I am aware that I have a tendancy to overwhelm with NOW NOW NOW. I have learned to quelch that until it is more appropriate. I'm learning...

I actually said, in my response, that he sounded like somebody I used to know...

SL,

You will most likely find that HE is the one who will be saying "NOW NOW NOW".

His letter speaks of an urgency for himself to put things right, to hurry back and fix what he knows he has broken.

You might want to date him for starters. But I think your H is there and back for good. The clarity in the letter does not indicate fogspeak - too much apology, and talk about what he has recognized as his own wrongdoing, as well as what he now sees as what he knows to be "home". He has a sense that YOU are "home" for him, and he wants that back. OW could not give him that - and the fog has lifted in the most important aspect of his thinking, which is that his heart is with you and his life is with you and DS. If it were me, I would go forward with a recovery effort. Too many reasons here that indicate he is ready, and the time is right for that effort to begin.

Prayers are answered.

Glad I could help!

Thank you! I really do feel like WE again, even apart as we are now.

I think I'll let him be the one to rush in this time...let him set more of the pace, and roll along side with him...

SL

In early recovery my husband did nearly all the heavy lifting

I was too much a wreck
too full of resentment

so I let him set the pace
mostly because I was depressed and ugly inside-out
he was not

he felt inspired to do the work

I was more like
"Oh yeah? Whatever. Show me."

and he earned my respect

you will do better than I did

this was pre-MB
and I was ill-prepared

you have TOOLS you have learned

lucky YOU

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pep

SL,

I am so happy for you.... you FWH's e-mail sounds so sincere. I hope to get something like that from my WH.
Right now I'm still trying to plan A as much as I can and plan to move to plan B sometime in March. Still want to put a hold on my divorce but I'll update my thread a little later.
My prayers are with you that this is moving in the right direction.

SH01

Pep,

I do feel lucky, I may not have found this place in the height of the A/A's but I found it when I needed to...



SH01,

Will keep a lookout for your update.

Had my session with JC, spoke for about 50 minutes.

We talked of MB Basic Concepts, and how they apply to the situation NOW.

She basically said to introduce him to MB, ASK him to look at the website, especially the basic concepts; she said to give him a path to MB, by stating that this is the type of life that is best for both of us. She asked me to offer suggestions to him, non forcible.

She said, tell him about the website, as he doesn't appear to be wayward; he sounds committed. Ask him to read about the concepts, then ask him to call either her or SH, then to tell him once this occurs I will follow along like a stream...

To tell him that I am weak and can't 'prime this pump'. She says to relate to him that I will not be the teacher, I will be by his side, MB will be the teacher.

She said that the sooner we get this part done, we can be living together again. I was leary of this, and asked is she believed this was wise, she said, "Lookit!, Strike while the iron is HOT!". I almost giggled when she said LOOKIT.

I still expressed being leary about moving in together so quickly (as she said once he agrees to talk to them, and schedules it and does talk to them, if he agrees with the process) we SHOULD cohabitate, as recovery cannot truly start until then. Makes sense...

She said, stay in the present. I told her that I was more focused on this myself, and that I think H will be responsive to this. She said leave the past in the past. Discuss what you must, but leave the emotions there, and if emotions rise to the surface, stop discussion until you can come back to it.

She even mentioned starting a NEW MARRIAGE, NEW RINGS, NEW PROMISE...I agree with this too, I think it will be a way showing how you learn from the past, and live in the present...


She said I have more than just a reason to be hopeful, I have a Husband that WANTS recovery. She said that she has told sooooo many to hang on, and work the program.

Eav, IHC, Fox, Marflow, sdguy, LilSis, Rinder, AmI, and whoever I forgot, think about her last statement to me, HANG ON, Work the program. Especially you eav, work it, you are doing the right thing.

One last thing she said is to tell H, (he's not wayward anymore, but I don't think he can get the F without MB under his belt), that he can rest assured that there is a way out of this.

I then called H, and mentioned the website. I mentioned it again, then he asked, and I told him that I think he could understand better where I've been and where I'm coming from if he looked at the Basic concepts here. He agreed to look over it this weekend. He sounded leary, but agreeable. I think it's just the newness of all of this. I told him that I appreciate all that this site has to offer...left it open to him to decide to read the archives and such.

Jennifer is ready for us to jump in, and assures me that we WILL make it. I'm just amazed. Oh, Oh, my H mentioned how he saw the changes that I was making, and knows that they were and are real. He was very honest about how I became more of a mother figure instead of a mate, and I told him that I appreciate the honesty, and agree that I took on that role, due to many circumstances, and that I didn't want to excuse the behavior, but I DO NOT prescribe to that behavior anymore. Oh, geez, there was a lot said in the span of 30 minutes. I may recall more later...

I think the theme was, Find a PLAN/PATH, then GO WITH THE FLOW...

SL, I am so happy for you. Two great success stories within a few days with you and Mortarman. You worked the plan and planted the seeds, now you can reap the harvest.

I hope and pray that God will lead WW back to me and we can start a real recovery.

Blessings to you in your recovery. Rejoice!

Hooray!! Does it feel like you sort of got the "stamp of approval?" I've got to get to bed, but I'm so glad I got to read the results of your talk with Jennifer.

"You WILL make it." Wow...what does it feel like to say that to yourself? After all you've been through, can you even believe it when you hear it?? (I'm saying this with this silly grin on my face, I'm so happy for you.)

Sleep tight...

(((yay!!)))

I think you have to go with what she said. I asked my WH to read here, and he never has in 3 1/2 years. I also gave him the number to call the Harleys and told him that I would be on board immediately. But he did NOTHING.

At least this is kind of a litmus test. You will find out soon if he will follow through.

Now, do we need to let this thread sink to the netherworld, and you start a new one?

Great news! I'm so happy for you. You must be walking on air. A lot of hard work still ahead of you, but the "You WILL make it" quote must be incredibly uplifting.

Awesome.

My H doesn't do computers or websites BUT I WAS SHOCKED HOW WILLING HE WAS TO TALK TO STEVE HARLEY even when he was a WAYWARD!!! I used the words to him that Steve had recommended.

Right, Mimi
That's exactly what Jennifer said, she said to give him the information and let him choose, but reinforce with how sold I am on the process.

My H said that he realized how much of a [censored] that he has been, and how horrible he has treated me. He realizes that this is not going to be a walk in the park. He thinks we can be great; AND admitted that he knew that we WERE great, before his choices to muck it all up.

He's in the midst of interviewing for a new job, and is even looking to work from HOME; OUR HOME. I'm just so, geez I dunno, AMAZED.

I almost feel HAPPY. I do feel happy, I'm happy that the mother ship has landed and left my H behind.

SL, for those of us in Plan B, this is a perfect example of how things can change quickly. We really have no idea what our WS is feeling even though they put on a strong and happy face as your WH (FWH?) did.

I agree with pep, you have the tools now to make this the M you have always dreamed of.

Good luck!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm not afraid this time around, either, because I do have these tools. I feel confident that WE will be able to have a new marriage, a better marriage.

I pray daily for everyone suffering here, and have found it difficult at times to come and read, knowing how I felt when everything started. I feel, now, like I owe atleast my experience so far, to MB, and this forum. I'll help however I can...

Oh, also, my H said that that phonecall that he received from me, when I broke my Plan B in early December, well, that was a huge wake up for him, and that was when he started thinking about his life with/without me, and COULDN'T picture how it would work WITHOUT me. He said that a number of times. It's as if he took a picture of the two of us, and systematically tried to remove me from it, but he couldn't do it. He said his life didn't make sense without me. I'm think I'm numb...comfortably numb (Thanks Pink Floyd)

I don't know what you think about this but..I set up the appt. for my H...maybe should not have done it that way..but he did keep it and that appt. was SOOOO CRUCIAL...

ETA: I first OFFERED and he AGREED...

I mentioned the phone 'coaching' to him last night, guiding only, and he sounded overwhelmed, so I will hang on to that for another day. I think digesting the website will be a HUGE step for him right now. Jennifer wants me to try and get him in next Thursday, so I will mention that to H when we talk again.

It was HUGE for him to put his neck out on the chopping block with that email, and the following call. Sincerity and commitment abound when we speak.

Mimi, I am just so SURPRISED. I actually feel confident. I'm not afraid, not if we both try. It's not just me, H believes too, that we will make it, and be GREAT. BELIEF, what a beautiful thing...

"Anything is possible when you BELIEVE"..

I think that's my sig line... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It is Mimi, it really is...

Much love from me to you