SL,

My thoughts are with you today...you are strong and will definitely make it through this latest error in his judgement (or lack thereof). I am praying for you.

IHC

((((Silent)))

Gone for a day and so much has happened. My heart hurts for you. I was so hoping that he would at least try....

I don't know what else to say but I'm thinking of you.

Still

oh silent

i am so sorry this is happening!!

if it makes you feel any better...

i spent a huge amount of time researching MD divorce laws and got lots of information from my lawer

you said that you will NOT file for D....well YOU are the only one who can file right now

......in case your H isn't aware. he CAN'T file for D because he has NO grounds to file.

AND...... HE RESET THE "SEPARATION" CLOCK WHEN HE CAME HOME!

so it appears he's [censored] outta luck for at least 2 years unless YOU change your mind.

even if you DO agree to a divorce but YOU do not file based upon adultry.....you both have to wait until you have lived apart for ONE year to file on the grounds of a voluntary separation

MD laws state, that without fault, a person CANNOT file for D until they have lived apart from thier spouse for ONE YEAR and if the spouse did not willingly agree to separate, the requirements are that you must then live apart for 2 YEARS before a divorce will be granted.

*************************

[color:"blue"] Grounds for divorce in MD [/color]

A permanent and final divorce is called an "absolute divorce" in Maryland. All divorces require proof of grounds. (you have to give the state an acceptable reason why you should be allowed to break up.)

The grounds for an "absolute" or final divorce in Maryland are as follows:

-One Year's Mutual and Voluntary Separation. (Living separate and apart for one year without interruption and AGREEING to D after this amount of time has passed)

-Two Year's Involuntary Separation. (Living separately and apart for two years without interruption, even if the parties did not agree to the separation)

-Adultery.

-Desertion. (For one full year without legal cause)

-Conviction of a Felony or Misdemeanor. (Requires incarceration for one year under a sentence of three or more years.)

-Insanity. (Confined to a mental institution for at least three years.)

-Cruelty.

-Excessively Vicious Conduct.


Any one of these grounds, if proved, will result in the complete dissolution of the marriage (look to each ground in order to find out how to prove that ground). You can file for divorce under more than one ground: for instance, adultery and desertion

[color:"blue"] YOU have grounds to file...you can file NOW on the grounds of adultry OR you can wait until he has "deserted you" for one year and then file on those grounds...or both together

(we all know a WS is insane also but the courts won't buy this!)

but your H has NO GROUNDS to file for D from you so he MUST wait until you have lived separate and apart for 2 YEARS unless YOU agree to the divorce after living apart for ONE YEAR [/color]

WAITING PERIODS FOR ABSOLUTE DIVORCE

Under each ground for an absolute divorce, there is a provision for when you can bring the lawsuit against your spouse to the court.

However, if you claim that your spouse committed adultery, you can bring the action for absolute divorce at any time. As long as you can fulfill the residency requirement (discussed in the residency section) there is no time limit when claiming adultery.

In a claim of desertion, however, you may have a time-limit problem. Whether the desertion was actual or constructive, you must wait a year after the event of desertion before you file for an absolute divorce.


VOLUNTARY SEPARATION NO- FAULT DIVORCE IN MARYLAND

The State of Maryland has a "no fault" divorce known as voluntary separation. It usually means that you and your spouse have separated after mutually and voluntarily agreeing that you no longer wish to live together as husband and wife and that there is no hope for a reconciliation. Your spouse cannot threaten or blackmail you into leaving; you separate because you both want to.

To get a divorce on this ground you have to be separated (not living under the same roof) [color:"blue"] without interruption [/color] (not even one night) without cohabitation (not a single incident of sexual intercourse) for one year and there is no hope of reconciliation. Remember though, if this is not a mutual and voluntary situation you will have to use another ground to get a divorce.

There are two types of voluntary separation: one for limited divorce; and for absolute divorce.

Remember that a limited divorce does not completely end your marriage.

[color:"blue"] Your H CANNOT even file for a limited D or legal separation because he has NO GROUNDS against you [/color]

GROUNDS FOR LIMITED DIVORCE OR LEGAL SEPARATION

A "Limited Divorce" in Maryland is similar to what is called a "Legal Separation" on other states.

Limited divorces are very much like an absolute divorce with the major difference being that the parties cannot remarry. You are, in effect, still legally married at the same time that you are legally separated.

In order to obtain a limited divorce in Maryland, you must meet residency requirements, grounds, and other legally prescribed laws just as you have to in a case for absolute divorce. Limited divorces can also can involve property settlements, alimony, and child support and custody.


A form of legal separation in Maryland is called a "limited divorce". It also requires that you have grounds. The grounds for a limited divorce are different than the grounds required for an absolute divorce, and they are as follows:

-Voluntary Separation. Without reasonable expectation of reconciliation. (No Minimum Duration).

-Desertion. (No Minimum Duration.)

-Cruelty.

-Excessively Vicious Conduct.

************

so you have plently of time to allow his A to end

IF you choose to

Eve,

I wish it was that difficult to get a D in Maine. I know a couple who divorced and they stayed in the same house until it was final.

It suxs that D is way to easy in this state. With no complications a D could be final in 61 days. Isn't that sad.

Still

(((((((((((((SL)))))))))))))

just warm and fuzzy thought for you...I hope you are hanging in there...btw thanks for starting the party thread...I think we all needed it!!!!!!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

NP, fighting, I love party's.

I'm glad that the quiet is back. I was becoming so frustrated, and it was good to enforce a boundary. NO OW! It's a pretty clear boundary.

I sent my final email to WH this evening, and in it I told him not to contact me via ANY MEANS unless a dire emergency with our son or his health, etc. NO CONTACT.

He is moving his things out next Thursday, and I'm okay with that. I really don't feel like packing anymore crap up for him, so he can do it. Really, most of his stuff is still in the garage, but THIS TIME I told him to remove it ALL, including my wedding bands. He gave them to me as a sign of his FIDELITY and COMMITMENT, and without that, they're just glorified hula hoops for PLANKTON (from Spongebob Squarepants).

Thanks for all of the well wishes. I will be going through a small bit of withdrawal again, but I'm finding this much easier the second time around. I'm also prepared for D, as much as I can be. The thought is not so overwhelming anymore. I may WANT a D, we'll see. I need this time for getting used to the sitch and letting the decisions come to me, instead of forcing every issue.

I look forward to the warmer months with my son and friends. It's gonna be great!

I'm so glad people are taking to the party thread. It's good for EVERYONE here to focus on something other than Marriage now and then, and just do some PERSONAL PEOPLE BUILDING...

I feel the need to try and find the OW's parents and expose this A to them. Does anyone know a way to find people that you have no clue as the where they may live? I don't know her, or any of her friends, family, nothing. I have never met this piece of [censored] OW, so it's difficult to know who to tell. My WH's friends ALL know about this OW, and WH's family is all but gone, so there is only this OW's family to expose to.

When I looked up a reverse directory with OW cell number, it said that it was based in New Jersey, so she may be from there, but I don't know much about her. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas.

One site you may want to try is www.zabasearch.com. You enter in a name and it gives an address if available, and previous addresses. ???

I think I may have found her parents, but I will have to dig deeper to see if I can find a current address through the white pages.

I would feel better just knowing that her parents know.

I've found names and addresses and phone numbers, I'm just unsure which to call. What is the best pay site for narrowing down this info?

I've been attempting to contact the OW's parents, but I end up with the answering machine. I would like to get this off of my chest and onto someone elses (whether they think I'm nuts or not, I don't care) I just want to get this out of my head.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do if you keep getting the answering machine?

Anyone?

So you are getting the ans machine at the home of the "right" people? Have you narrowed it down?

???

Why not leave a vague message. "My name is silent (no last name) and I have something very important, very private, and very personal I wanted to discuss with you. It involves your daughter and I'd appreciate if you did not share with her that I am calling you."

Or you could just keep calling until you get someone. Problem is, they could be out of town for the winter or any number of things...

No reason to keep exposure a secret from the OW or the WH. It IS best to make sure you are calling the right people, though.

Heck, I'd send a letter out to everybody in that area with the same last name. That way, you're BOUND to hit the exposure jackpot!

I got her mother on the other end of the line, and whe was FLOORED! She just kept saying, "ok, ok, ok, uh huh". I told her this is not a prank call, I gave her my name and number, as well as my WH's name. I feel better now that I've done that. The woman may think that I am nuts, I don't really care.

IT WAS HER FOLKS' HOME! Jackpot.

Thank MB for Plan B! I think I'm gonna need it...

WH called, I did not answer, but he left a voicemail, asking me what I was trying to do or trying to SABOTAGE by calling OW's parents. Heh.

Needless to say, I will not be responding by any means (email, voicemail, TM's, NUTTIN). What a doofus! What's funny, I guess he forgot me telling him the first week he was home, that if he went to be with OW, I would expose to all that I know.

I'm not kidding, this is almost comical at this point. As Bugs Bunny would say, "What a maroon... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> "

are you sure the number you are calling with the machine answering is her parents?

If so, i would leave them a message giving them the information and your phone number.

tell them that you thought it would be easier for them to get the information and have time to think aboutif they would like to talk to you about it

that would show that you are a kind, caring and considerate person and not trying to hurt them by calling

be sure to tell them:
-how you knoe for a FACT thier daughter is in the A with your H
-how long the A has been going on
-you have a 4 year old son
-the recent reconciliation that you had, and that your H left again saying he couldn't give up the A
-ask for thier support in ending the A so that you can save your marraige

sorry silent....i didn't see that you had already called before i posted above!

WAY TO GO!!

eav, check out the above posts that I made. OW's mother already called her regarding the A, and my WH has ALREADY called me asking me what I'm doing by calling her parents.

I gave them my name, my WH's name, told them we have a 4 yo son, and that I believe that he has gone to live with her since leaving here this week.

what are your trying to do? end the A you moron!

you can see you did the right thing!!

Good job. No matter what the outcome, you did the right thing. Her parents need to know. Some parents don't care. But even if they don't seem to, OW knows she is doing wrong, and that her parents know.