Hope you decide on a FUN COLOR for your FRONT DOOR to symbolize the NEW YOU!!!

I'm not sure yet. Our siding is plain ole gray. RED looks great against gray, with that touch of brass on the kickplate and door handle, but I want to add shutters to the house (only ~$200 all in), and I don't want red for those.

I just remember watching the movie "American Beauty" and they had that amazing bright red door. Maybe black shutters would complement that well.

My 'signature color' (Steel Magnolia's reference) is pink. I have a deep red sofa and a cushy velvetty red chair. I'm not afraid of color at all.

Mimi, I like the fact that your sig line is sans your prior journey facts, and now speaks of YOU today and tomorrow. That must have been a difficult, yet freeing decision.

This is an email that I received today. I so want to slam him with things that are rattling around in my head. Alas, I'm in Plan B and will not. No reply will be sent.

And he's right, sorry isn't enough. There's no love or respect in sorry, only in choosing not to hurt by making better choices do we avoid the 'sorries'.

I think the recent events concerning our DS have pushed WH toward the edge.

You know what to do . . . no reply to the Fogged-out Zombie. Post your reply here. I'll read it.

Sorry clearly isn't enough, but at least he indicates that he would like to go in the right direction. Or A right direction.

Seriously. All that stuff running around in your head right now--post it. Get it out of your head. It might help you calm down.

Meh, I'm pretty calm. I decided to write a response, but NOT to send it. It's my way of dealing now.

I basically said when he decides that his wife his son and his M are the most important things in his life, that will be enough, until then, nothing said is enough.

I think it bears repeating I DID NOT REPLY AND WILL NOT! You would think that is in these moments that it would be good to reply; I've learned it is not. This is a person wracked with guilt finding any way to assuage that. He sounds pretty low. I hope that he does get help. There is still hope that he can be a good, caring father to his son.

You mean good to reply because he is down? I agree that you should NOT reply. He's down, but he's not down far enough yet. Let him sink.

It sounds evil of me, but I hope he sinks like a stone, and FAST. Since his natural mother died, and even before, he has been depressed. He never once talked about his mother's HORRIFIC death (her whole body shut down following cirrhosis). He had to see her physically waste away, with severe jaundice and tubes coming from everywhere, and then hear about her progression toward death (liver shut down, followed by renal failure, toxicity building, then coma, then death). SHE KILLED HERSELF with alcohol. His real father shot himself. His adoptive parents (his grandparents) both died while he was still quite young (his father - lung cancer, his mother- ALS). He's seen it all.

Not to mention the affair that his adoptive mother had, taking him along to have an excuse for the time away from home. He was considered COLLATERAL DAMAGE. How awful is that!

I won't have my son dealing with that crap. NO WAY--NO HOW!

My WH has glossed over all of this for so long, I wonder what would happen to him if he REALLY started to deal with it.

I had to say hi so your post count wasn't 666

Frog, The devil must have been present, because I used the word EVIL. oooooooo, creepy. Thanks for getting me past post 666. I owe you one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

How weird is that.

I didn't even see the evil thing.

So now your post is safe.

You owe me one.

Wow, your WH is a mess. And one can see why.

It's completely natural to want him to bottom out sooner rather than later. My WW is on the way down, and it's only because of Plan B that I'm not constantly coming up with ways to chain an anchor to her.

chain an anchor to her....

GOOD ONE!!! I'm just going to jot that one down for future use...

SL:

Thanks for the nice words about the SIG Line.

I changed it after reading Mimi's thread and why she changed hers.

Your WH has alot of issues.

When you bring that many to a table, it's easy to understand why he makes the choices he does. Because the easy choices are just that, easier.

And chaining an anchor to WH may help. But really it never will. They can only one day wash ashore and accept that is who they are, and that the only way to fix it is to change. And do the hard thing.

My father never did. So I see the line that follows from that. I washed up on shore. And here I am today.

And that's why I changed my SIG Line.

(((SL)))

LG

It's nuts, but I still hope that he gets the help he needs and finds his laugh again.

I don't expect anything from him anymore. It's still quite hard to let go. I STILL feel tethered to him, but I refuse to sink along with him.

I TRULY realise the uphill battle WH has, and how far down he is right now.

I have always believed that he was suffering deep down, and was unwilling to deal with it.

I have NO idea what will be a year from now, and I'm fine with that. I'm really just working to get my son the help he needs and arm myself with more information. I really cannot afford IC right now, so I'm hoping that a group atmosphere will help me. I, too, have my own issues, but luckily, have always been proactive. I've been bringing up the buried issues over the last year or so, and deal with things one day at a time.

My sister said something the other day that struck me, hmmm, lord what was that, oh, yeah, I remember. She said that I have always liked/wanted to see the good in people and that it takes a lot for me to see the whole picture. She also said that I was not one to take decisions of great importance lightly, but once *I* made a decision, you may as well carve it in stone.

We'll see...

I guess my M has been a hard habit to break

I'm not attaching any anchors, I'm removing his buoy (ME). It's sink or swim for him. My Plan, outside of Plan B, is to live out my days with my son and my friends. I look forward to warmer weather, the pool, the dogs, and general summer fun. I like to sit on the deck at night and watch the fireflies create their beauty in the trees, like yellow-green lights dancing in the dark. I also enjoy listening to the frogs; it's like a serenade.

I've taken another large hit to the psyche, and am suffering a bit. I'm VERY tired. I push through, though. I keep on keeping on. I'm concerning myself with my health now, and my son's health. I'm freakin' Scarlett O'Hara over here...after all, tomorrow is another day...

SL - great analogy about the bouy.

Sometimes I wonder if my WW thought that I would just sink and let her go. I don't think she was prepared for this fight at all and it is impacting her tremendously.

Remember to pace yourself and take care of YOU. You ARE worth it and your son is worth it.

Being a single parent is HARD - that's why God's design for a family unit includes a mother and father.

I salute all you mom's out there. Since I am essentially a single dad right now, my eyes have been opened to a whole new world.

But what a beautiful world it is.....

AH, looks like I missed all the fun today...anyone got an extra anchor or two...

I know a man in South La that could use a few...LOL...we;ve got plenty of water and marsh! I'll take the credit for being the sinker in my sitch...

Ok, SL, where do you live? I want to sit on the deck and watch the fireflies! I too like to do what you talked about! With A FIRE! and when it's cold a good cup of coffee (whispering) perhaps with a shot of something...Shhhhh!

Don't tell anyone, okay?

Silent,

I'm with Rind. I would love to sit out on a deck and watch the fireflys. Althoug I do have a back deck.... but let me see in April and May it's black fly season. Don't know if you get them in Michigan...very persistant pesty creatures sort of like WH <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Then after that the State of Maine Bird comes into season... the mosquito.

I also liked your analogy about the buoy... it's really hard not to want to save someone from themselves. I think it's human nature esp when it's someone we love. And if we didn't love them we wouldn't be here would we?

You had mentioned not being able to afford counciling... you might want to look into alanon also. Meetings are free... and it teaches us to focus on the one's we do have control over..ourselves. Just an idea. Last night found out you don't neccesarily have to have an alcholic, that they stress how to manage ourselves from minute to minute.

Wishing you a great day today.

Still

sl........you have been such a great help to me....I find it hard to offer advice, as you are so far ahead of me....but my thoughts are with you. I appreciate your support.....it is helping me to cope and deal with all this garbage.........it is so hard to cut those ties.....you are very strong......I will channel you for strength!!! keep it up.

still....lol.....I hear you about the black flies.....and the state bird.......they are so anoying.....but it does mean the warm weather will be coming...how far up are you in ME?? I am in Southern NH.

WOW, I thought we were the only one with that "State Bird"...LOL

You know South Louisiana here...go figure, L is allergy to them! Or was...we were in the hospital for a week b/c he got bite under the eye and developed cellulitious (?)

Cat scans and the whole nine! That was three Easter's ago!