Well, I am at the hotel. I have packed my stuff and can go, but I am scared. I know she will be upset when I walk in the door. I am scared of pushing her away even farther. I am scared that I will find him there and I don't know how I would take that. I will remain calm, of course, but still.
I am scared.

GO HOME!

Take courage in the fact that you are saving her, you are saving your marriage, you're doing the right thing. She wants you back or she wouldn't have acted the way she did when you left. Be honest. Tell her "I don't want to leave without trying to work things out the right way." if she presses the issue when you walk in.

If he's there, just say "we need to talk".

No matter what happens you'll get through it. Remain calm, no love busting, no argueing!

I know, no love busting and no arguing. We haven't argued since the first day I left (Last Wednesday).

Just some background. Someone asked if her friend and mother know about the affair. They do.

Her mother left my wife's biological father when she was 7 for another man. My wife even made the comment "Like mother, like daughter" and shook her head. BTW, her mother is currently very unhappy about her current marriage, but is in denial over it.

Her biological father does not know about what is going on.

Stop posting and rationalising and get your [censored] home NOW

I posted this just yesterday to another BH. And I've said the same thing to several other BHs here.

Stop Being Afraid Of Her Anger.

She's counting on being able to shout and threaten and bully you into backing off so she can continue her affair without your interference. As long as you allow this to work, she will have not one drop of respect for you and she will have not one reason to stop seeing her boyfriend.

Again: Stop Being Afraid Of Her Anger. You will get nowhere with any of this as long as you are. You are going to have to Man Up and stop letting her scare you. Be prepared for this.

Man Up, Dude

Are you a knight or a peasant?

If you refuse go home and fight for your marriage, here's what you have to look forward to: Your WW and her boyfriend having sex in your house and in your bed.

Go Home and Fight For What Is Yours, or else cower down and lose it all.

Where is B0b Pure when we need him?
Mulan

Ok...last post. I am on my way home now!!!!

Dogfood,

Your M can survive her anger. It can't survive a continuing A. The goal right now is to put pressure on the A. Exposure and a good and well executed Plan A are what you need.

Don't make yourself crazy over what she says or might be thinking. None of it is relevant right now. She's like a crack addict that just had her stash confiscated. You must break up the A.

Every WS threatens divorce. They all say they aren't in love with you any more. They all say the same things. You must learn to listen politely and remember that it is all just "Blah...blah...blah." Let whatever she says go in one ear and out the other.

Read as much as you have time for on here. Read past posts by those that preceded you. We ALL went through the same things. Learn all about Plan A and have a good one. It will keep you from going nuts trying to figure out what to do next. As an example, I'd point to the football game yesterday. Florida had a good game plan and executed it very well, on both sides of the ball. The Buckeyes tried to respond and were eaten alive. The game plan and the execution of it won the game. When OSU scored on the kickoff, the Gators didn't panic, they executed their PLAN. That is what Plan A must be, a PLAN that is executed without panic.

If she says she wants a divorce, tell her "I don't talk divorce. I only talk saving our marriage." If she wants a divorce let her file. ALL WSs try to get their BS to do the dirty work. Don't do it!

Mark

Am I right is seeing here she was 17 and you 27 when you met? Is that even legal?

DF,

I have been where you are now - left the house on 11/20, scared to go back, went back once on 12/3 and let her scare me into leaving again on 12/5, then I finally went back home for good on 12/16. WW left and is still gone. Read my thread.

Please go home and do not leave. You need to be the strong one for your marriage.

Ok...I am home. She wasn't here when I got here, so I checked the parking lot. Her car and the OM's car were there. She came home about 10 minutes after I got here. She asked why I was here and told her because I love her, I miss being home and I miss our cats.
She immediatly went into the bedroom to make a phone call. I can imagine who she called. We made some small talk and now she is even refusing to look at me. She is very fidgety and restless right now and looks very stressed. I am not sure what my next step is.

DF:

There's another option here.

You are young, she is very young and imma2re. She's from a family that values short-term happiness over integrity and commitment, even though her own mother is unhappy after having prioritized happiness over her first marriage.

Some role model for a gal who "committed" 2 you at 17, huh?

You have no kids?

Accept the promotion and move. Let her go with you if she will, and if she'll commit 2 working on your M with a good coach (like one of the Harleys). Let her stay there if she wants, and let her file if she wants a DV.

best,
-ol' 2long

Well, I don't know if I did the right thing. We talked a little bit. She asked if I was staying and I said yes, that I do not intend to go anywhere. She gave me an angry look for that one.
I also told her how I felt about her relationship with the OM. She insists that they have not slept together. I have my doubts, but did not express them.
I also told her that, because this is her decision, that if she wants to be alone, that she should be the one to leave.
I told her today about making an appointment with a marriage counselor, and she says that makes her feel like I backed her into a corner and that I am trying to manipulate her. I said, that is not my intent.

She is very angry right now. But, we kept it very civil and did not raise our voices. I did not accuse her of anything or try to say anything that would put her on the defensive.
She said she is going to leave tonight to go to her friends place to stay.
I know she will not go to the OM's because he lives right up stairs.

She was out with him having dinner when I got home. She did tell me that much.

I am scared right now and don't know what is going to happen.

This would be my suggested plan: other options are always out there as well.

Investigate, get proof, Expose, and kill the A.
meanwhile
Plan A your Butt off.

Take the new job and move her and you out of there.

Advise MIL that you intend to work on your M and she needs to be supportive of the M rather than enabling the A.

Work on Recovering your M.

But you cannot force her you will need to show her by action that you are one she needs to be with.

Yes it easier said than done.
Get busy.

Yes it is the right thing.

You need to be strong but not confrontational.

My guess is it has already gone PA regardless of what she says.

Why would she leave otherwise? If there was no reason to be defensive why would she?

Get on a plan.

I would love to take the job and move us here, but she is pretty steadfast that she wants to end this. That is what she keeps saying to me and right now she is packing her bags to go to her friends house...one of the ones that is telling her to do what she has to to be happy.

Like I said, I am not sure what the next step will be. She won't even look at me right now.

I think your best bet right now would be to expose to anyone that can have any influence on her in a positive way.

Do not DJ or LB.

She is angry that you are messing up her little fantasy world.

She will say and do many things that will hurt and meant to get you to cave in.

Don't

Just remember she is a WW now, she is not the W you married now. Anything that comes out of her mouth is Fog Speak.

Well...she left. She said she would be by tomorrow at some point. Don't know what that means. I asked her to stay and she said she can't because she has too much anxiety right now. She looks really stressed out.

I am thinking of calling her biological father and discussing this with him. He has been a positive influence on her life our entire relationship. And, we (Meaning her biological father and I) are pretty close. I know she hasn't talked to him about it because she would not get the support she is looking for from him.

Don't let her take anything from your home except personal items.

It is still your Marriage home correct.?