That is a good start. Do it ASAP.

Expose to OM family. See if they can help save your M.

We live in an apartment. She only took her clothes and a CD player and some CD's.

She said she was angry that I came home un-announced. When she asked me to leave about a week ago, she said it was because she needed space to think without me there. When I would come over to talk, I always asked and she said yes, it is ok. Now, tonight, she stated that by me coming over and talking with her, I was disrespecting her space that she needed and it is what influenced her to want to end the relationship. I just nodded and said ok.

She also told me the reason she is seeing the OM is because "He listens". Of course, I have been activley listening to her for the past few days.

Now, tonight, she said that by me coming home and not leaving is dis-respectful to her because I am not allowing her the space she needs right now.

When you talk to her again don't be pleading etc.

Be upbeat, positive,

Dressed neatly, clean shaven, smell good.

All to show her you are not letting her get you down.

Get in and talk to a Lawyer about protecting your financial assets etc.

Now get this straight. The only reason she wants you out is so she can work on her A with OM unimpeded.

That is the same old story they all say "I need space so I can work on me". The only thing they want to work on is the A. It's all Fog Talk.

Oh, I understand the reason why she wanted me out. By coming home, I totally messed up her plans and she is upset by this.

I know of an attorney in the local area and will probably see him tomorrow, if he can squeeze me in.

I am probably going to call her biological father tomorrow to discuss what is going on, but I have a feeling she will take this very negatively.

After that, I am still unsure of what to do.

Here is a question. Should I confront the OM? About the best I could do is maybe leave a note on his car as I am sure he is going to do what it takes to avoid me.

Everything she has said tonight it straight out of the WW "handbook".

"You are being manipulative, controlling, etc".
"I need time and space"
"You disrespected my space"
"In doing this you have caused me to need to end the M"

All she wants is for you to allow her to have her A and not get in the way.


You may want to give serious thought if this is the Wife you want after all. Often enough someone this young already cheating is not a good sign for a strong M in the Future. Just a thought.

I have given it serious thought. She is/was a very good person. What led to this was this guy would always show up in the morning where she works to get a coffee. Small talk over the course of the last month led to bigger talk.

They all react negatively when their fantasy gets blownup.

She will Rant and Rave.

Just remain calm. Tell her that what you are doing is because you love her and you are trying to save your M.

If you confront the OM it might be good to take a friend with you so wont be tempted to do some physical harm to him.

Make it a Really Big Friend that cna look really intimidating.

No, it would not be physical. I was thinking of writing a note to ask him to do the right and break it off. I would want to be as non-confrontational as possible when dealing with him.

We (the OM and I) have talked in the past. Just small talk as we passed by each other in the stairs or going to our cars.

Oh I think think a much stronger impression from you is the only thing he is going to respect. I would think if he already knows you and is already moving on your W a note is not going to deter him one bit.

Get your big friend and pay him a courtesy call. But nothing physical.

Talk to your Lawyer about those options as well.

a Cease and Desist order, an Alienation of Affection law suit I think another one was called an Cand D of "illegal conversation" order are just some that come to mind.

Point taken.

Any idea of what to expect next? What my next move with her should be?

I hope you can get some rest tonight. Tomorrow promises to be interesting.

remember to look good when she comes by tomorrow.

Don't give her the satisfaction of looking like she is beating you down.

I have to go but will check on you tomorrow.

There will others on here tomorrow that will have a lot of good advice to give you. And if it conflicts with I've said most of those are the real experts.

I don't really think it will though.

Good Luck I now how hard this is but you are getting started and that's good.

Thanks, JKG. I appreciate it very much.

Funny, I'd be talking to him about him having an accident falling down the stairs if he ever spoke to my wife again.

Maybe that's just me.

BigK,

Sounds good to me. Accidents do happen.

Ha ha <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
No, I will not resort to threats, veiled or otherwise.
I think that would provide an enironment for some serious backlash.

I do intend to speak with him, however. It might be a few days as he leaves very early in the morning for work (he is an elevator repair man) and doesn't return til late. I might just keep an eye for him tomorrow evening when he returns.

...probably to tell the OM that staying over tonight in her apartment was no longer an option...!


Your next step is to expose, expose, expose. To the OMW or GF, if he's not married. To her parents. To yours. To anyone you think can help bust up the A. Do it not out of malice, but because you want to work on your M and that can't happen until the A is over.

The OM is single. During our small talk stuff way back before this started, he stated as much and I have never seen him with another woman during the year he has been here.

I am going to talk to her biological father today. The same thing happened to him and her mother. She left him for another person.

As to her mother, well, apparently the first words out of her mouth were "Well, at least you guys were only together 7 years, as opposed to 15 like your father and me". Don't think I am going to get much support from her on this.

Beyond that, I don't know of anyone else to talk her. Her closest friend isn't being supportive of the "Give the marriage a try" camp.

I was going to talk with the OM this morning. After only two hours in bed, I woke up wide awake. It was about 4:30 in the morning. As I was throwing my clothes on, I heard his car start. Normally, he warms it up nice and good before he leaves. This morning he satrted up and just left. By the time I was done putting clothes on, he was gone. Looks like he is feeling the pressure of me being here too. He babies the heck of his car. Very unusual for him.

I have a deep down feeling they are meeting at the coffee place where she works. Maybe I can talk to him there in the morning.

Here is another question. I have been searching and searching, but can't really find where to look for info on planning "Plan A" and "Plan B".
I read the online articles, but that's it. I did order the Surviving an Affair book, but it won't be here for another couple of days.