Let her know that she is always welcome to stay in her own bed, but you will be staying there also.

We will see when daddy calls though.

That's what I am going to do. Thank you.

Don't foget to invite your big, burly friend over to confront OM tonight. Nothing physical, just a stern conversation. In it you should include.

1) I love my wife, and I am fighting to save our M.

2) You may not contact my wife in any way. If you see her in the parking lot, look away. If she calls you, do not answer. I will not accept any interference in our M.

3) I will be monitoring the two of you to make sure there is NC.

3) If she continually attempt to contact you, do not be afraid to let me know.

Then you an your burly friend will tell him that you EXPECT him to cooperate (with a glaring look on both of your faces).

dogfood, why is a grown woman asking her H if she can go shopping?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I thought that too???

Instead of the glaring look

I have always been a fan of the "confident knowing grin"

The look that delivers the message:

I know more than you
I know I am better than you
I know you are a lowlife and don't need to prove it
Whatever happens...I will be OK and you won't
You aren't worth hostility
You aren't worth crap..I know it; and, you know I know it.
ETC.

Depends on this sitch...but you are likely to see him around anyway over the next few weeks or months. Never let them see you sweat. This is war.

BTW...I've never tested the theory but if is my understanding that a piece of lunchmeat place on a car in the sun over time leaves and indelable (sp?) stain on a car's paintjob. May be a bit juvenile....perhaps just lowering his tire pressure to 20 psi so he gets crappy gas mileage will suffice. oooo...just thought of another one..."Penny him". Apartments usually have solid doors and frames for protection against intruders. If you push hard against the door and squeeze in a few pennies between the frame and door the resistance can freeze the catch thus inexpilicably locking OM in or out of his apartment without any real damage whatsoever. Another college prank...the pee puck. Freeze some in a thin manner and slide it under his door if possible.

Sorry...I'm in a juvenile mood.

Mr. Wondering

Epoxy in the keyhole

The really thin stuff so it's hard 2 tell why it's frozen

Thanks for the tip on dealing with the OM. I am not going to glare, get angry, raise my voice or show any emotion whatsoever. Kinda Mafia style. Do not let them know what you are thinking, yet convey that attitude that he is nothing to me.

Well, my wife just called from the mall to tell me about the new sunglasses she bought. She was cheerful on the phone and I said I am glad you found a pair that you like.

Now she is going to go wander some more and I said have fun! She laughed and said thanks.

Oh yeah, I thought I would share this. On the drive home from the bike shop, when she was sitting the car fuming at me over the fact she didn't get the bike, I was along side an Ambulance. The ambulance decided to change into my lane, turned on his signal and started to get over. I sped up and got in front of him to avoid a collision. The Ambulance honked it's horn and the driver flipped me off. I didn't even respond to it. In the past, sometimes these things would get to me and sometimes not. I made it a point to not let it get to me in front of my W.

After about 30 seconds, she goes "What a JERK! He had no right to honk at you after moving into you like that". That shocked me. I said, "yea, what an idiot. But what can you do? These guys are all over the place." She went back to being grumpy after that. She even said, "Sorry...I'm in a bad mood right now". I said, "yea, it's ok to be in a bad mood." and then dropped it.

Alright alright, I know I am posting like a freakin' madman here, but I just found out his last name.

When the OM first moved into the complex about 18 months ago, we started getting mail from a union representing the line of work he is in. At the time, we didn't know who this guy was, so we would return to sender. It had our address on it. Didn't think anything of it at the time. In fact, I didn't think anything of it util I went to check the mail and lo and behold there is something from the union representing his line of work addressed to the OM.

Let the exposure begin.

YES

This conversation needs no burly man. It only needs calm honesty. You just sit down, and tell him how much you love your wife and how you are working things out and that he needs to step aside. If it is done right you will morally crush him weather he shows it or not.

I'd escalate a day later if he is still IC. You need to be the front on this discussion. To me physical intimidation should not be present at this juncture. Moral intimidation should be effective right now. He lives upstairs so keep it civil for now.

Also I think bringing a friend will show extreme weakness. YOU ARE THE LION here. Say the things Jim says, but do it yourself.

I agree, that is why I did not ask my friend who is skilled in the use of hammers.

I will do it alone.

When she left for the mall she told me whe doesn't know how long she is going to be and to not "wait up". I said sure.
She is back now. Actually got back 90 minutes ago. She looked stressed when she walked through the door, but it slowly started to go away. She is very tense right now and I am tense too, but am not showing it. I am being light, happy, making small jokes that sometimes get a smile or little laugh or no response at all. That's ok. I play with our cats, etc...

I still don't know if she is going to stay or not. Guess I'll let you ya'll know in a little while.

She showed off her new shades and shoes. I said "Dang baby! You look stylin' wearing that!!!". And I meant it too...she does look very good.
She smiled and said thank you. She is in the bedroom right now talking with her friend. I snooped and listened in thru the door to determine this. I was relieved it was not the OM.

Dogfood, you do have a right to ask her what she is doing. She is your wife and is not entitled to carry on her affair right there in front of you in your own home. So, if she contacts the OM in your home, I would ask her politely to take her affair converstation elsewhere because it is disrespectful to do so in your home.

And again, why would she ask you if she can go shopping? You are her H, not her poppa. Is this something she would normally do? And why?

The agreement we have had ever since we held a joint bank account is to tell each other about significant purchases. Like more than $100 (exceptions are necessities) Usually we would say "Hey, I am going to go and buy a XXXX".

But today, she asked me if she could buy this stuff. Kind of weird.

On another note, We were sitting out on the patio and she turns to me and says "When the OM gets home, I am going to be heading out". I didn't respond and she quickly changed the subject to her new shoes.

Just when she was going to head out, I heard the bleeping of her cell phone that a text message arrived. She read it,got a frustrated look on her face, went to the bedroom and changed into some old clothes and started heading out. I told her I wish she would not leave and that when she talks about him, text messages him or is out with him, it is like I am being stabbed over and over again in my heart.

She said with obvious frustration that she isn't going to see him. I asked what happened and she snapped "nothing happened" and started for the door...she stopped and turned around and looked at me with a pained expression on her face. She said "I don't know if I will be back tonight". I responded that she is more than welcome to stay here. She said she would think about it.

Apparently he either isn't coming home tonight or is out with friends or something. He is usually here by now.

I am going to keep an eye out for his car so we can have our talk.

You know, thinking about it more, she probably is going to meet him somewhere and that is why the OM is not home yet.

I wonder if the sudden change in her behavior is due to me not responding in an angry way, like she has been expecting me to all along. Maybe she is finding it unsettling?

When she changed the subject to her shoes, I enthusiastically joined in on the conversation.