perhaps she is just seeking agreement before spending family money during a shopping trip. I think it is good she asked... even if it is not the norm.

You NEED to have that talk very soon. Are you going to contact the landlord?

ok, gotcha. That makes sense. It sounded like she had to ASK you to make a simple purchase but I can understand the value of checking off with each other before making bigger ticket purchases.

Could very well be a motel in the works, but she left behind her overnight bag and tolietries.

Guess all I can do is wait for his car to show up.

Like I said, all I can do is wait for him to come home.
I was going to do it this morning, but he didn't wait his usual 5 minutes of engine warm up time before he took off. Perhaps he sensed something. He has an expensive car and babies it to no end. The car I mentioned that was being towed to the shop in an earlier post is his clunker commuter car.

As to the landlord, I will talk with them tomorrow, but I don't expect any help from them. The complex is owned by a large corporation.

A large corportaion will be very interested. Let them know that you expect trouble and that they should step in before that happens. I would also make sure when you speak to him that you let him know that if he does not cease and desist contacting your wife that you will come after him with every legal means available to you. Put fear into this man.

Where is your WW staying the night? She owes you a location if for no other reason so you can get a hold of her if she needs to. Then verify if she is telling the truth. Don't let her just hook up with the OM at a hotel or something. Make it hard for her to contact OM. If she refuses NC with OM, cut off her d*mn cell. Afterall, do you pay the bill? I wouldn't pay for my WW to have an affair.

Thank you.

Could I get a restraining order against him? I wonder what my legal means are. Someone posted some stuff, so I will go back and check.

She didn't say she was staying anywhere tonight. She just said she might not be back tonight. She didn't pack her toiletries or her overnight bag and she didn't have extra clothes with her. Don't know what that means.

DF wrote:

Just when she was going to head out, I heard the bleeping of her cell phone that a text message arrived. She read it,got a frustrated look on her face, went to the bedroom and changed into some old clothes and started heading out. I told her I wish she would not leave and that when she talks about him, text messages him or is out with him, it is like I am being stabbed over and over again in my heart.

M2L:

Could it have been from her father and she knew what was coming next from him?

Don't think so. He is a techno guy, but he rarely text messages people. He is straightforward and prefers to talk to them either by phone or in person.

You're welcome.

No, to the restraining order. But I can tell you I WOULD call the police. As a cop I would have walked up the stairs and had a talk with the guy. You do your talk first... let him know you plan on contacting the landlord and have already spoken to an attorney. Go back and read the terms int he thread. I can tell you that your local police MAY decide to have a talk with him about this... just so things do not escalate. He's not breaking any laws that we know of... but some people don't want the hassle of having their landlord, the police, neighbors... etc... getting into their business.
See how he responds to your talk. If that does not go well... and I would suggest that part of that talk will be asking him how long before HE moves out....then escalate it as far as you need to in order to see changes occur. Feel free to email me and I can offer some suggestions later on if this does not go well.

Here is a thought. Why not just ask her where she is going, and when she'll be back, and if not, where she is so you don't have to stay up and worry about her.

I suspect she is out with the neighbor. If so, she is being very disrespectful to you. When she comes home, I think I would tell her to leave if she is going to flaunt her affair.

Does she have a job?

Ditto. But I would still have that TALK with him.

Yes, she has a job, but doesn't make enough to get her own place.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice.

I did some snooping around and discovered she didn't start text messaging him until just before the new year.

I wish I could read what she wrote, but I have a number now.

As of yet, I haven't heard anything. From the looks of it, it does not sound like my FIL has called. He might have become busy, as he is at a conference and is entertaining some big wigs.

He is not home and neither is she.

I am toying with the idea of contacting my MIL and explaining everything to her. I am not 100% sure my W has told her everything.

Df,

He you have done very well today and the advice you are getting is absolutely spot on.

Has FIL talked to her yet?

Also what was said about cutting off her cell phone is good. Add to that any other means of communication or anything else you support financially that she is using to continue the A. Does she have internet access put on a key logger. or cut off her access with password protection.

Make the A as difficult as possible.

Yeah I think a One on One with OM may be the best first step.
But have backup plan in case he doesn't get it.

When I talked to the OM in my wifes A it was over and exposed all in one fell swoop.

Stay strong and know you are doing the right thing!!!!!!

JKG,

Well...the cell phone will be difficult as it is in her name and we have both of our phones on it. It ended up that way when we moved to where we currently live. She came out about 6 weeks before I did found the apartment and set other stuff up.

As far as I know, my FIL has not contacted her yet. If he has, I have not heard anything about it.

I would like to have my talk with the OM, but he is nowhere to be found. Of course, niether is my W.

If it doesn't work, I do not have a back up plan, to be honest. I am going to talk to the landlord of the complex tomorrow to let them know. Other than that, I am out of ideas.