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Good that she is home! Just keep home with you the safe place for her when things get bad everywhere else. You are doing a great Plan A so far. Keep it up. How about making a favorite breakfast in the morning for the two of you. Just a thought. Maybe get her to bike riding with you. Or NOT! Find something the two of you can participate in beside Puffing on a Cig. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
JKG
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Good that she is home! Just keep home with you the safe place for her when things get bad everywhere else. You are doing a great Plan A so far. Keep it up. How about making a favorite breakfast in the morning for the two of you. Just a thought. Maybe get her to bike riding with you. Or NOT! Find something the two of you can participate in beside Puffing on a Cig. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I hear ya on the smoking. I really was going to quit when we got back from our planned trip. Right now, I am not going to worry about that as sitting on the balconey smoking relaxes her somewhat. It is comfortable for her to do. She has the weekend off, but I have to go back to work for the day. I will be out of the house from noon until 4pm-ish. My big worry is a two night trip I have to take the weekend of the 20th. I am scheduled to be gone from the 21st thru the 23rd. I am going to talk to the boss to see if I can get out of it.
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Actually, I have an idea. She loves fresh fruit, breads and cheeses. We would sometimes do that for lunch or even as a dinner. Her appetite went south tonight, but I think I will go to the store and pick up some stuff and present it to her.
Of course, now that I made these plans, she will be nowhere near here when I want to do this.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Good idea. You need to dig out that guy that she was attacted to in the beginning and get him busy doing those kinds of things. Think back and remember events places and maybe something there could be useful.
Plan A is about building up her memories of the best things about being with you.
So that when and if Plan B comes about she will remember how good it was with you and not just the bad.
JKG
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Good idea. You need to dig out that guy that she was attacted to in the beginning and get him busy doing those kinds of things. Think back and remember events places and maybe something there could be useful.
Plan A is about building up her memories of the best things about being with you.
So that when and if Plan B comes about she will remember how good it was with you and not just the bad. I'm trying! According to SAA, the most severe withdrawal symptoms occur for three weeks or so. What should I expect after three weeks, if all goes well.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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I would say probably that is whether there is further contact. More contact will mean continued simptoms etc. That is why you must continue to be vigilant. Snoop like crazy.
The most optomistic possibility would be her starting to open up but probably only a little at a time. Most likely she will continue to be conflicted but probably more with how she can possibly return to you when she has betrayed your M. How could you begin to forgive her. etc. She will still not believe you have made permanent changes. etc.
Still in a fog but for somewhat different reasons.
The job of recovering will just be beginning. And That's possibly harder than dealing with the actual A. Just be Patient and ever the safe place.
JKG
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I would say probably that is whether there is further contact. More contact will mean continued simptoms etc. That is why you must continue to be vigilant. Snoop like crazy.
The most optomistic possibility would be her starting to open up but probably only a little at a time. Most likely she will continue to be conflicted but probably more with how she can possibly return to you when she has betrayed your M. How could you begin to forgive her. etc. She will still not believe you have made permanent changes. etc.
Still in a fog but for somewhat different reasons.
The job of recovering will just be beginning. And That's possibly harder than dealing with the actual A. Just be Patient and ever the safe place. Thanks, JKG. She was laying down, but is currently experiencing a pretty hard anxiety attack right. She went out for a bit, returned a few hours later and packed a bag and headed out the door. I asked where she is going so that I woudln't be worried and she said she didn't know. I told her she is more than welcome to remain here. She said "I know". She has been sitting in her car for about ten minutes now. I don't know if she will be back tonight. Guess time will tell.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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After 50 minutes in the car, she came back in. She looks terrible and has been crying. She wants absolutely nothing to do with me, but I am remaining calm.
I am at a loss as to how to approach this. Maybe the morning will be better.
Should I approach how she is feeling, or just ride it through?
Last edited by Dogfood; 01/13/07 03:58 AM.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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DF,
your wife will go thru ups and downs also. She is lost and hurt too. It is hard to think that way, but she lost someone - the OM.
I told my wife that I thought our sitch was harder on her than me. How? "Mrs M2L, I lost you, my wife. You lost the OM and your feelings for your H. I lost one, you lost two."
This came after NC for a few weeks and it stunded her. How could I still feel bad for her after what she did to our M?
Give her room and don't smother her right now.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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DF,
your wife will go thru ups and downs also. She is lost and hurt too. It is hard to think that way, but she lost someone - the OM.
I told my wife that I thought our sitch was harder on her than me. How? "Mrs M2L, I lost you, my wife. You lost the OM and your feelings for your H. I lost one, you lost two."
This came after NC for a few weeks and it stunded her. How could I still feel bad for her after what she did to our M?
Give her room and don't smother her right now. I am giving her her space right now. I did tell her I was sorry that she is hurting and she broke down and cried. After that, she searched for images of the OM and divorce stuff on the internet, even to where the local courthouse is. Kind of concerned about that.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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M2L... I agree with the vast majority of your posts... but this one.. Mrs M2L, I lost you, my wife. You lost the OM and your feelings for your H. I lost one, you lost two." makes me gag.
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Hey,I didn't say that I thought it was true. I was trying to show her that I feel for her. Made me gag to say it, but I did and that was then ans this is now anyway.
I think Bobpure used that line also.
Anyway MEDC, any advise for DF?
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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[email]M@L[/email], That really puts it into perspective for me. I don't know if I will use that or not, but if I do when do you think would be an appropriate time?
She is at work now. she originally wasn't snceduled to work the weekend, but picked up some extra shifts...I think to earn money to try to move out.
When she gets off, I will be gone as I have to work this afternoon.
My issue this morning is I am very angry right now. I am angry at her for how I am being treated. I know that it is normal and I am trying to let it not get to me, but for the moment it is hard.
You remember in the Peanuts comic strips how when one of the characters would get irritated and they would have all these scribbles over their head? That is how I feel and I can feel building.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Man I know the feeling. The hows, whys, what was she thinking?
I used that line when my wife was well into withdrawals.
Your wife my be thinking that she works more, gets more $ and then she can move out. Sure, she is confused herself. Life and M were never to be like this so the easy way out would be to run. Let her think what she wants right now. As long as there is NC, her mind will clear little by little.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Anyway MEDC, any advise for DF? I've provided my input throughout this thread. Thanks.
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I know you have. I was just looking for pointers for DF. He is having a bad time right now and thought that you may have more insight than I do.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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I called her best friend, but she didn't answer (surprise). I just left a voice mail telling her about the fragile state my W is in and the emotions she is going through. I asked her to please keep an eye on her. I kept it as neutral as possible so her friend will not feel like I am trying to put her in the middle.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Here is another question. I have been invited over to a friend's for dinner tonight. Think that would be a good idea to leave the home for a couple of hours to give her some space?
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Were you both invited? If so ask your wife to go, if it's just you then go and have fun. Let your wife know where you will be though.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Were you both invited? If so ask your wife to go, if it's just you then go and have fun. Let your wife know where you will be though. We were both invited and I will ask her. I am also going to leave a note for her telling her that I hope she had a good morning at work. I need to get now and head to work myself. My feelings of anger have passed.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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