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Joining the Gym is good. You will need to find a way to detach from this a little to keep your sanity through this Madness.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Plus a better looking physique can't hurt. and no smoke, that's even better!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
JKG
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Joining the Gym is good. You will need to find a way to detach from this a little to keep your sanity through this Madness.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Plus a better looking physique can't hurt. and no smoke, that's even better!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Well, she came home around 11pm tonight. Her mood is exactly like it was when the OM first broke contact. Kind of subdued, but open to small talk. She smiled at me when she said goodnight. If he keeps up the NC, I guess it will start getting worse tomorrow. I'm looking forwrd to the gym. I am going to go with a buddy from work.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Really the key is NC, None, Nada, Zip, Zilch!
Any contact whatsoever just sets you back to day zero.
That is any contact txting, email, cell phone, calling, even just seeing him in the building.
Any contact means hope that the A can continue. And you will never get her past that as long as there is any kind of Contact.
The thing with FIL and anyone else you have exposed to. They need to tell how they feel. Let her know that the A is wrong etc. Put pressure on her to end it. They don't help you in this if they don't say anything to her.
JKG
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Really the key is NC, None, Nada, Zip, Zilch!
Any contact whatsoever just sets you back to day zero.
That is any contact txting, email, cell phone, calling, even just seeing him in the building.
Any contact means hope that the A can continue. And you will never get her past that as long as there is any kind of Contact.
The thing with FIL and anyone else you have exposed to. They need to tell how they feel. Let her know that the A is wrong etc. Put pressure on her to end it. They don't help you in this if they don't say anything to her. I know that. I did talk with him again for 15 miinutes this morning and he agreed to stop it cold turkey like. Did I mention, he showed me a message he sent from Saturday night telling her to go back to me to work it out? Surprised me. Maybe that is why she was short and snippy with me this morning. When she was having a cigarette tonight on the balcony, she was text messaging like crazy, so I snuck up behind the window and peeked through the blinds. It wasn;t to him.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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If you can truely get "Cold Turkey" along with pressure from people who have influence on her then it might start to take hold. The more pressure the better....IMO
A few dirty tricks... setups, in the way of exposure, pressure, but looks like it came from somewhere else instead of you.
They say this is War... In a way it is Think like a spy, interrogator, Navy Seal or what ever, search and distroy all attempts at keeping th A alive.
JKG
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If you can truely get "Cold Turkey" along with pressure from people who have influence on her then it might start to take hold. The more pressure the better....IMO
A few dirty tricks... setups, in the way of exposure, pressure, but looks like it came from somewhere else instead of you.
They say this is War... In a way it is Think like a spy, interrogator, Navy Seal or what ever, search and distroy all attempts at keeping th A alive. The Exposure part is becoming n issue. I have talked with her FIL, he either has not called or she is not taking his call. I talked with her uncle today who told me she isn't returning any family members phone calls and her friends are in support of dumping me. Ugh...This gets discouraging.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Yep!! I know
Tell her inlaws there are other ways to talk to her. Face to face, registered letter, block phone number and call. If I had something to say I wouldn't let her not taking my call slow me down.
Put the pressure on in some way.
As for her friends. I say it is time to play dirty. Figure out what skeletons they are hiding and expose or set them up in some way so WW sees them for what they are. If they are going to interfere in your M all's fair. After all this is WAR. (No slander, just facts)
Do her friends know the real story or just WW version.
If they were her real friends they would encourage her to do what is right, not to have an A and dump her H.
Some things to think about. OR NOT!
JKG
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Have you talked to her friends and explain what is going on and what you are trying to do. Asking for their support instead of their interference.
Might be a place to start instead of the commando tactic as a first option.
just a thought.
JKG
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Have you talked to her friends and explain what is going on and what you are trying to do. Asking for their support instead of their interference.
Might be a place to start instead of the commando tactic as a first option.
just a thought. Out of the two she is haning out with, only one I know real real. The other one she just started spending time with and I have only met her once and wouldn't recognize her if I wanted to. The first friend isn't taking or returning my calls. They have only received her side of the story. I hope that my talking with her uncle, it will start to spread. They all love to gossip. I'm going to try to talk to her grandmother today and also her store manager. She just left for work not too long ago. I told her to have a good day at work and I got nothing in return. She didn't even let the car warm up before she left (ouch...poor car) and drove off in a hurry. A good sign of the bad time coming. Should I continue to do things like her laundry? I have always done it in the past and am wondering if I should continue that trend or not.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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So, what are you prepard to do to make this uncomfortable.
If as you have said your landlord will do nothing (but I still don't think you told them about the drug arrest).... then you NEED to break that lease and get out of the apartment. You and your wife should be packing the Uhaul today. Frankly, she doesn't have many options right now because of finances. NC is key and you will NEVER have it so long as he is living right above you. NEVER. So, find another apartment... or better yet... accept another job and move far away... but do it now... you do not have a home to sell and any lawyer could get you out of that lease since you have a drug criminal living above you... that creates a hostile living environment.
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I agree with MEDC..... GO NOW! Get away from her "drug" of choice (sorry for the pun), the OM. Don't worry about a lease or anything else. YOu have good reason to break the lease.
You do this and you will also see what commitment your WW has to the M when you confront her with moving far away and rebuilding a new M.
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DF wrote:
Here is a question. I wonder if she is trying to goad me into a fight. I was able to find out about the oontact because she left her phone on the kitchen table, with me standing in the kitchen. She has been gaurding her phone very carefully since I came back.
M2L:
Yes, they (WS) will sometimes try to pick a fight. They do this to make themselves feel better. She can say "see, all DF does is fight with me. I was right to see OM and make myself happy for once."
Just let it go. Don't deffend yourself, don't say anything. Maybe a "I'm sorry you feel that way" is all.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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My problem with the lease is that it is in her name. When I arrived about 6 weeks later, we had intended to get my name on it, but never did.
I can get out and go somewhere else, and even have my company pay for it. The problem is, she will not follow. And that includes me not paying the rent on our current place, etc...
Last edited by Dogfood; 01/15/07 11:45 AM.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Start a fire!!! Just kidding. Thought you might need a joke <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Maybe2late; 01/15/07 11:46 AM.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Start a fire!!! Just kidding. Thought you might need a joke <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Her not following is an assumption on your part.... What yu KNOW is that you NEED to get away from the OM now. The ONLY way to do that is to move out immediately. So, you make the choice....do you stay or do you go?
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Her not following is an assumption on your part.... What yu KNOW is that you NEED to get away from the OM now. The ONLY way to do that is to move out immediately. So, you make the choice....do you stay or do you go? You are right, but I am scared she will not follow me. And then what?
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Then you have a few answers as to her committment. But really... what options does she have for where to live right now?
But bottom line... maybe this, maybe that... YOU KNOW living in that apartment is a problem. You can tell me what might happen if you leave... I CAN tell you what WILL happen if you stay. Do the math and start packing DF.
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Then you have a few answers as to her committment. But really... what options does she have for where to live right now?
But bottom line... maybe this, maybe that... YOU KNOW living in that apartment is a problem. You can tell me what might happen if you leave... I CAN tell you what WILL happen if you stay. Do the math and start packing DF. Even though I will not pay for her place when I move out, she is very smart. She will probably find one of her friends to move in as a roommate. Her cousin has been looking for a place to stay for the past couple of months. I would move to a place about 2.5 hours away. All her friends and family are here. One thing she told me is that she hated it when we lived in Florida because she had no family there, granted we were 2500 miles away. I will move out, probably within the next week or so. But it is more of me giving up. Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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What do I take? I bought a couch, kitchen table and chairs, and a huge entertainment center before we were married. Should I take that? What about the bed? We bought it about two years ago with money my father gave us as a gift.
Last edited by Dogfood; 01/15/07 12:12 PM.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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