So now as I sit here, I very suddenly got very tired. I can barely keep my eyes open. First time since Jan. 3 that I can recall wanting to go to bed. One last question.
As I was walking tonight, I noticed that I currently feel emotionally detatched from this all, but at the same time I want to crawl into bed with my W so I can listen to her breathe as she sleeps.

MEDC I understand why you feel this way but as abhorent as it is I believe you are wrong. When his WW fully understands what she did she will suffer far worse than Dogfood is now. It's not a nice realisation what you did to your husband. Dogfood for now needs to suck it up or else he will lose his marriage.

This morning she left her phone out. They have been text messaging each other. I told her if she is going to stay here, she can't see him or communicate with him anymore and she said "That's fine", meaning she is probably going to leave soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Oh well...I tried.

BK... I disagree that a WS suffers more. I have heard all the reasoning here... but I don't buy it one bit. And frankly, if they do... that is one of the consequences of their actions and it should fall squarely on their shoulders. I stand by my statements about it being a mistake to give validity to these feelings. I hear you... I get what you are saying.. I just think you are wrong.

You NEED to walk upstairs and have another talk with him. What did your landlord say???? What about the drug arrest in the building? They would be interested in that. You are ALLOWING this stuff to go on without putting up a fight. If a man that is screwing my woman lived one floor above me... I guarantee you by weeks end... one of us would not be living there. If the landlord does nothing... break your lease and move. Man up and take control of what you can.

See, this is what bugs me about your story. I just don't see the details... your landlord would most certainly have something to say if you pursued this. You haven't followed up with her dad yet... why the heck not? What are you waiting for? Why are you LETTING this all happen without fighting?

I asked you how old you are.... I get the impression from your posts that you are quite young.

I just got back from going upstairs and talking with the OM. I told him I know that you guys were text messaging each other last night and that it needs to stop. We actually talked for about 15 minutes. He showed me his text messages and one of them even said that she needs to work it out with me.
I asked him to just stop. Cold turkey.No contact. If she messages him, not to respond. If she calls him, not to answer. If she sees him, look the other way.
He agreed and apologized to me. He told me he intends to stop, he has no romantic feelings for her, and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to trust her because of the circumstances.
After I went back to my apartment, he came back down to me and asked if he should tell her if we talked or not. I said, no...not yet.

I am going to call the FIL in a couple of hours. He sleeps in late on Sunday mornings.

The landlord said "There is nothing we can do, have you talked with the police?".

I am 34, as it says in my very first post.

Not... "no...not yet." Tell him to NEVER speak to her again.

I didn't catch that. Good point. I will see if he actually stops it when she gets home from work tonight.

If she asks me if I spoke to him, should I tell her I did?

If she does decide to move out, make sure you cut her off financially. Do not enable her poor choices. I made much more than my WW and she knew she couldn't make it without my financial support. I let her know that wasn't going to happen. Cancel her car insurance, health insurance, cell phone, forward her student loans to her new place, everything. Once she finds out that she doesn't even have money left to hang out with her friends she might start thinking that living with you wasn't all that bad. Make her feel the consequences of her actions.

yes

I have already moved some money to another account that is in my name. I am also going to get my work to direct deposit into that one.

I already told her I would not support her financially if she leaves. I spelled it out. No money for rent, food, student loan payment, utilities, nothing.

If she moves out, I would change the locks as well. Don't let her come and go as she pleases.

Here is another question. If she asks why I talked with the OM, what should I tell her?

To put an end to this A.

Let her get mad as long as the A ends. She will not come around until they stop talking to each other.

Let her know that you are fighting for your M and that there is no place in a M for 3 people.

Also, tell her that the OM was only too happy to dump her because he said "she can't be trusted."

I was thinking that very same thing. I came home later than anticipated. I had coffee with her uncle, whom she is very close to. I found out something interesting. She has pretty much stopped all contact with her family members. He has tried to get ahold of her, and so have several other people from her family and she is not returning their calls. He got a text message from her stating that "I am alright and will talk to you soon" and that is it.
I found an email to her grandmother (who she is close to) that said "Sorry I haven't called, but am going to be getting a divorce and will talk to you soon".

It is like she pretty much cut herself off from them.
I called her FIL and left a voice message, but he hasn't returned my call yet.

She is out right now, the OM is home.

Here is a question. I wonder if she is trying to goad me into a fight. I was able to find out about the oontact because she left her phone on the kitchen table, with me standing in the kitchen. She has been gaurding her phone very carefully since I came back.

She didn't pack a bag, so I expect her home sometime tonight.

Oh, something worth mentioning. Her uncle is a BH. Happened about 22 years ago and now they have a daughter as the result.

Df,

How's it goin tonight?

I got home around 5:30 pm tonight. I haven't seen my WS at all. She isn't with him, so that is good. She didn't pack her bag, so I suspect she will be home at some point.

I went for a run tonight to try to clear my head. Just made matters worse. I feel pretty hopeless right now. Down to my last half a pack of cigarettes, and even that depresses me.
I am going to quit when I finish them.

Joining a gym tomorrow night.

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