|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 675
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 675 |
Just curious I guess but, Has she ever explained to why she feels she "has to leave"?
Anything ever come of the Dr. visit?
JKG
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
Food:
Offer 2 help her move.
Others have done the same.
leave her with nothing but pleasant thoughts (even if only in the back of her foggy mind) of her last moments with you.
Give her something 2 compare with sharing a 1 bedroom 500 sqft apartment with a bipolar child. SHEESH.
-ol' 2long
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959 |
Looks like the stars are aligning a bit in your favor...LOL!
Consider yourself fortunate that she's allowing you to do the backrubs, etc. Those are EN's, many wives will keep you at bay for months. That's good.
Couple that with LOL! bi-polar LOL! room mate, and you are going to be looking like a pretty good alternative.
If she moves out, I'd use text messages to keep filling her EN's. Little notes, teasers, if you will, even asking her out on dates. May be just enough of a curiousity to get her interested. Especially if her room mate is yowling with the cats.
Plan A, dude, Plan A
SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979 FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003 Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
Just curious I guess but, Has she ever explained to why she feels she "has to leave"?
Anything ever come of the Dr. visit? Nope...no explination other than "she just has to". I think this is an attempt to show the OM that she is serious about him by saying "Looks, I left him and am filing!! See!!! See!!!". That would be my guess. Her last ditch effort to get him back. Shes's gone now. Had her friend pick her up. Said she needed to be alone and asked if I was planning on going anywhere. I siad, "Yeah...gonna go to the gym in about 5 hours". She said "terrific" real sarcastic like, because that was not soon enough. Real agitated and anxious. The same thing happened about three nights after I moved back home when the first NC happened. I just might offer to help her move (boxes and such). I was going to tell her tonight that I will stay in the apartment and take the lease, but she definitely doesn't wnt anyting to do with me right now. Thnaks for the tips post-move about staying in contact. I will use TM and the cats as an excuse. In all honesty, I am glad she is like this right now. If she stayed nuetral all the time, I would be worried that what I am doing is not working.
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
Oh, JKG, Yes...a lot of good things talking with SH this morning. I like his style. He suggested I stay in the apartment so she will not view it as a door closing behind her. That way, she has options when she realizes that life is going to suck big time when she moves out on her own.
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
Oh, and one other tidbit I noticed. When I first moved back in, if you recall, she went out and bought an expensive jacket and a new pair of Oakley shades. For the past few days, she hasn't touched her jacket and today when we went to the auto store, she wasn't wearing her new shades.
I know, don't read too much into it, but I always notice little details like that. That, and I can catch people lying very easily. People say I should have been a police officer!
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959 |
That reminds me...if we haven't told you yet, change your after shave or cologne, dress up a little and just look really sharp every time you'll be in her presence. Look and act like you are happy, busy, and have places to go and things to do.
This will also make her wonder what going on in your head...sort of a nice turn of events. It's almost comical how they react.
Just a thought... SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979 FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003 Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
That reminds me...if we haven't told you yet, change your after shave or cologne, dress up a little and just look really sharp every time you'll be in her presence. Look and act like you are happy, busy, and have places to go and things to do.
This will also make her wonder what going on in your head...sort of a nice turn of events. It's almost comical how they react.
Just a thought... SD I haven't gotten new colgne yet, but have been dressing better. Also thinking about growing a goatee type of thing. I did that in the past and she loved it, but it didn't fit the requirements for work (no facal hair....why I don't know). But, I might do it anyway. I have been making sure I am slobbing around in my sweats in the morning when she is there and generally dressing nicer. I am down 20 pounds now, and look a lot better, physically. The gym is starting to show, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
Any suggestions on a cologne? I usually wear Obsession for Men or Bora Bora (which she bought me a couple of years ago).
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 675
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 675 |
Oh, JKG, Yes...a lot of good things talking with SH this morning. I like his style. He suggested I stay in the apartment so she will not view it as a door closing behind her. That way, she has options when she realizes that life is going to suck big time when she moves out on her own. I was kind of leaning that way myself. Just had some reservations that it might also be too enabling. But hey he's the expert! Wish this place had been around when we were going through our mess. I would have been much more proactive rather that reactive and withdrawn for sure. I have learned so much about dealing in our M from this sight.
JKG
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959 |
Don't ask me about the colognes. I buy the cheap knock off's at Walmart.:o One spray bottle last about 6 weeks and costs around $7.00. LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm a few years into recovery and contribute the savings to my golfing fund...
BH - me 53, ONS 1979 FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003 Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
Oh, JKG, Yes...a lot of good things talking with SH this morning. I like his style. He suggested I stay in the apartment so she will not view it as a door closing behind her. That way, she has options when she realizes that life is going to suck big time when she moves out on her own. I was kind of leaning that way myself. Just had some reservations that it might also be too enabling. But hey he's the expert! Wish this place had been around when we were going through our mess. I would have been much more proactive rather that reactive and withdrawn for sure. I have learned so much about dealing in our M from this sight. Yea, he mentioned that at the same time it would be enabling her, but it might be the best bet. Soo...here I stay.
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
Don't ask me about the colognes. I buy the cheap knock off's at Walmart.:o One spray bottle last about 6 weeks and costs around $7.00. LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm a few years into recovery and contribute the savings to my golfing fund... Guess I will ask the counter people.
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
Member
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816 |
In all honesty, I am glad she is like this right now. If she stayed nuetral all the time, I would be worried that what I am doing is not working. Remember: The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. She's NOT indifferent 2 you, and that's a good sign! -ol' 2long <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
In all honesty, I am glad she is like this right now. If she stayed nuetral all the time, I would be worried that what I am doing is not working. Remember: The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. She's NOT indifferent 2 you, and that's a good sign! -ol' 2long <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I like to think so. When she got all ticked off at me tonight, I felt happy.
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 675
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 675 |
Remember when she is agitated it a sign of inner conflict. She hasn't been able to justify her actions to herself and you are being son darn nice, considerate, and supportive. And your making yourself more attractive too. Must really be throwing her for a loop.
She thought she had this all figured out and you just had to get in the way and mess it all up for her. You were the reason for all her unhappiness and that just pushed her to OM in her mind.
Now that has all been screwed up in her mind and with you acting with such love and care for her she is in real turmoil. Just won't admit it. Yet!!!
JKG
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
Remember when she is agitated it a sign of inner conflict. She hasn't been able to justify her actions to herself and you are being son darn nice, considerate, and supportive. And your making yourself more attractive too. Must really be throwing her for a loop.
She thought she had this all figured out and you just had to get in the way and mess it all up for her. You were the reason for all her unhappiness and that just pushed her to OM in her mind.
Now that has all been screwed up in her mind and with you acting with such love and care for her she is in real turmoil. Just won't admit it. Yet!!! He he. With her being sick right now, it is actually easy to show her love and support. Things like tucking her into bed, the backrubs, getting her food and stuff. I am still holding out a very slight glimmer of hope she won't move out this weekend. As of right now, she doesn't have any where close to the amount she needs.
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,306
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,306 |
Couple of ideas on cologne: Cool Water - Davidoff Aqua Di Gio - Armani Pi - Givenchy Check this list for others http://www.askmen.com/fashion/trends/33_fashion_men.html
Divorced on 3/25/2008 but I have primary legal and physical custody of my 2 kids. Plan A Thread Plan B ThreadEphesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 541 |
Thanks! I will check those out!
BS - 36 (me) WS - 25 D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA) Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 675
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 675 |
Just curious I guess but, Has she ever explained to why she feels she "has to leave"?
Anything ever come of the Dr. visit? I was wondering of these were interconnected. Her insisting on moving out and the Dr's visit seemed to coincide in the timeline if I recall. Was there anything there maybe?
JKG
|
|
|
0 members (),
137
guests, and
55
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Children
by BrainHurts - 09/28/24 06:19 PM
|
|
|
Depression
by ClarencePeterson - 09/22/24 11:19 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,608
Posts2,323,426
Members71,872
|
Most Online3,185 Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|