Thanks SD. She is going to take the cats, however. That was one of the reasons her future roommate was over, so she could meet them. She, of course, fell in love them.

They secured a 550SQ, one bedroom apartment...two people and 5 cats. I don't see her being happy with that for long.

When/if she does go, I plan on setting up "visitation" for the cats. That will at least get me personal contact with my WS.

HA HA HA!!! I was thinking the same thing. Wow, she figured this out just to help me. I thank you, honey...with all of my heart.

I can be a little sarcastic because I know it wasn't my W talking to me. She was a little too calm and reasonable for a time of this amount of stress. Kind of like a child approaching their parent with what they think is a reasonable offer to get that new video game after the parent said no.

Yep! You got it!!!

Later!

I have my appointment with SH in a bit. Gonna do it away from home, as the wife will be here.

In the meantime, I have been doing some thinking. Maybe her moving out will be for the best right now. The OM isn't going to go back to her, so she would be sitting in a lonely apartment with nothing. I know ya'll have told me this before, but I am dense. I'm sure you have figured that part out.

I'll let eveyone know how the appointment was. Thanks.

Got everything ready I assume, notes, questions, etc.

Good Luck!!!!!

Have you thought about telling her "No matter what you have done with OM I still love you and want to be with you- no matter what!"

I know when I was a WW that alone would have made a huge difference. Because I was so ashamed after the affair I was just sure he wouldn't want me anyway- especially if I admitted everything I'd done.

Try telling her that- perhaps she doesn't know it???

I have said that, but then she will get defensive and say that nothing was going on. But I will again.

Had my appoitnemtn with SH. Good stuff, basically enforced how I am thinking, but gave me some good ideas that I will try today.

As for the apartment situation. I asked him about that and he suggested I stay in the apartment, otherwise my WS could view it as a door closing and that she will have no choice but to keep going forward.

He agrees with me that my WS is going to grow tired of living with her roommate, real quick. But, this is a double-edged sword. She might also find that she really likes her new found freedom. Hmmm...

Is it economically feasable for you to maintain the lease on the apartment until her lease expires? If so, maybe that is a good idea.It may demonstrate your willingness to help her financially as well as having a place to "fall back on" should she become disenchanted with her other choices, as SH mentions.

...but, at the same time, enable her to live with her bad choices. Difficult decision.

What direct advice did SH give you on rebuilding your marriage?

My notes in my car so i am sure I will miss some things, but to start out by saying to her "Wouldn't it be great if you are actually in love with your husband?" Wait for response, then say "All I'm wanting to do right now is do some research to see what is possible for us to do"

Basically, she is going to be negative at first, but keep brining it up every other day or so, just to keep the seed planted and to get her thinking.

He also wants me to taka the LB quiz and try to do it from her point of view. I would tell her it is to improve me as a person so I never do these things again. Also, it will show her that I am looking into myself to become a better person.

As for the apartment, like I said, SH even said this is a tough situation. If I stay, I am helping to enable her to move out, but if I leave, she will probably view that as a door closing and that she will have no choice but to keep moving forarwd.

This morning was good. I went to a shopping center and conducted my call there. When I got back, my W was on the couch. I made us some coffee and she didn't look to hot. This cold is kicking her butt.
She commented on how sore her back is, so I started rubbing it for her. This lasted about 40 minutes (my longest backrub ever). During this time, she stated that she is going to miss the apartment. I said, "you don't have to go, if you stay we can keep the same arrangement and I'll make sure we keep a roof over our heads" She said "I can't".
I continued with the backrub and during the 40 mintes, she would start to move closer to me. At one point, her back was leaning against my chest and the back of her head was leaning into my forehead. We were close like that for about 20 minutes while I gently rubbed her arms and hand, making it sort of like a quasi-hug. She even let out a few "mmmm's" while doing this.

Weird stuff.

There is a possibility that she will miss you once she is gone since the OM seems to be out of the picture. If she doesn't find someone else right away, she may come back to you. How is your WW? Is she outgoing and flirtacious? Or is she more of an introvert? Do you see her going out and being able to find a new boyfriend quickly?

Yes and no on finding a new boyfriend. She is young, attractive and has a great personality. When she is out with friends, she always acts happy, whether she is or not.
The one thing going against her, is as soon as she finds someone she likes and wants to be friends with, she latches on to them, and a lot of people find this a turn-off (whether it is romantic or not).
She did this with me when we first met and even the OM commented on this when we spoke.

The roommate situation gets a little more intersting. She has a myspace page and I was reading her blog. In it, she mentions she is bi-polar. There are entries in her blog like "Today sucked, I wish I were no longer living" and then a week later she is happy and then the following week she is down again.

My sister is bi-polar and we have had a lot of discussions concerning her and how difficult it is to live with someone like that, even on medication.

My WS won't be able to tolerate that for long.

Oh yea, forgot to mention, SH suggested I try to get my W to read the first three chapers of HNHN. Might be a hard sell right now, but I am going to suggest it.

Next time she says that "She can't" in relation to her staying...reply quietly with "It's your choice to leave, or your choice to stay. The only person making you leave is you."

Excellent!

DF,

I'm proud as he11 of you. I wouldn't have been able to handle these turn of events as well. I actually have felt sick about your situation. Most of the time when I give advice, it works and shows results quickly. It still may in your case, but your WW is very young and immature. My WW is 27 and she is almost too immature to be in a M. You obviously are more mature and grounded than I was when my situation was at its worst. Whatever happens, you will be happy with someone. I wish you the best, and you are in my prayers.

As far as showing results quickly, well...like I said there are moments where I see my W. Most of the time, she is distant with a sad or stressed out look on her face.
This is truly the 1st week of NC, so it is now a waiting game.
I am still holding out hope that something will happen and she will not be able to secure the apartment. She needs about $700 to get in, and only has about $150 right now.

And, even if she does leave, she probably won't like it. She won't have money to go out and enjoy her freedom and her roommates bi-polar stuff will get on my W's nerves.
It also gets her away from the OM, as in he won't be 10 feet over head.
The move might actually prove to be very usefull right now.

Patience is the key and I am learning I have more than I ever thought. I still get anxious, but try to work on that.

Gotta go. Meeting with my attorney in 30 minutes.

Back into the fog she goes. I got home about 3:30pm to find her walking to her car. I asked what was up and she said she was having problems with changing one of her headlights, and they ended up giving her the wrong ones.
So, we go to the auto store, where she vented the whole way about how stupid they are. As she is making the exchange, they ask for her name. Now, legally...again due to laziness...she never had her name changed. She gave my last name. Hmm..weird.
Anyway, we got home, she figured out how to change the light (she didn't want my help) and now she is up here getting boxes ready to put stuff in.
Very agitated and anxious right now and very short with me. I'm just giving her some space and staying out of her way for the moment.

Oh, and her work called to see if she was still sick, she is...they told her to stay home. This was an 8 hour night for her, so now that is less money in her pocket. She is feeling it.