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Talking to the OM, and giving him a, pardon the verbage, sniff, that your WW is pining for him, may put him into an active pattern of pursuit.
The OM is a sleeping dog I'd let lie...
and most likely he will, if given the opportunity.
I reasoned, I implored, I cajoled the OM in my case to stay out of it, even to the point of not so veiled threats, and it made no difference.
Any thoughts or information you give to him is a gift of the power you should hold. Hang on to it. JMHO
SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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I just got back from speaking to the OM again. I didn't get into specifics, but I wanted to reiterate that under ANY circumstances, he is to not contact her.
He said, "I agree...I don't want anything to do with this anymore".
So, we will see.
Next is to contact the her step FIL so he can hear my side.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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one step at a time
one day at a time
one issue at a time
keep it up man
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Remember... a day without chaos is NOT a reason to start some...
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Foget about the OM DF. The world is full of em. OM is not the cause of your problems at this point. OM could be daffy duck. If not this OM then it will be another one. He is a waste of effort.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Step FIL didn't answer his the phone, so I left a message wishing to speak to him to get his perspective on things.
I doubt I will get a call back, but I will keep trying.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Here is something relating to my situation that hasn't been really discussed. If it was, I missed it.
Ok, she is going to move out probably on Saturday or maybe even by tomorrow.
Assuming that NC is maintained, that I can maintain some sort of Plan A (Haven't figured that out, yet) and given her financial situation, how will this move affect my chances for recovery?
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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How good are you at text messaging? How good are you at writing and mailing notes? How good are you about driving by with treats for the cats? How good are you able leaving a rose on her windshild at work? How good are you at trading a food massage for fixing your headlignt or something else you can do, ******, break your own tailight!
Court her creatively like you just met her at a dinner party last week.
When she moves, stay deathly silent for a couple of days, then start slowly. Make her miss you a bit...
Just a few thoughts...
SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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How good are you at text messaging? How good are you at writing and mailing notes? How good are you about driving by with treats for the cats? How good are you able leaving a rose on her windshild at work? How good are you at trading a food massage for fixing your headlignt or something else you can do, ******, break your own tailight!
Court her creatively like you just met her at a dinner party last week.
When she moves, stay deathly silent for a couple of days, then start slowly. Make her miss you a bit...
Just a few thoughts...
SD Well, I would be able to leave stuff on her car at work. I wouldn't be able to send anything until I get the address, and right now that is a secret. I will remain silent for a couple of days, that is a good idea. It will be hard, but yup...I will. Ok...time to get creative on that front. Thanks.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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"Plan A is like an extended first date"
Heard that somewhere!
JKG
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"Plan A is like an extended first date"
Heard that somewhere! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hmmm...trying to think of who I heard that from. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
JKG
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DF,
I have been in the situation you find yourself headed towards - if you have not ready my thread take a few minutes to do that.
SD is right on the money - it's all about doing little things like when you were first dating. Find way's to meet her ENs, start small, don't get frustrated.
For example tonight I was at WW's house helping rearrange furniture - meeting her EN for Domestic Support. I took dinner over. I left her a card under the covers of her bed, thanking her for asking for my help (it hasn't been that long that since she told me she hated me)- but I also wrote that I wanted to meet all her ENs, not just one or two.
Divorced on 3/25/2008 but I have primary legal and physical custody of my 2 kids. Plan A Thread Plan B ThreadEphesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
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Eph525, I have read your story.
I just text messaged her. When she left for work, she left the remote for the gate on the counter. I asked her if she would like me to bring it over for her. Her response was "No".
I replied with "Ok. Hope your night is going well".
No response to that.
Just gotta keep it up.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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As for helping her move, as of right now she will not even tell me where she is moving to. I know, already, but she doesn't know that. I wouldn't be able to send anything until I get the address, and right now that is a secret. These two posts of yours which are in cronological order seem to contradict each other. Do you know where she is going or not????
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As for helping her move, as of right now she will not even tell me where she is moving to. I know, already, but she doesn't know that. I wouldn't be able to send anything until I get the address, and right now that is a secret. These two posts of yours which are in cronological order seem to contradict each other. Do you know where she is going or not???? I know the complex she is moving to, not the physical address (apartment number).
Last edited by Dogfood; 01/25/07 11:38 PM.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Food unit! Put your helmet on. Ol' 2long's getting out that ebony 2x4 he keeps handy for these occasions. I just got back from speaking to the OM again. I didn't get into specifics, but I wanted to reiterate that under ANY circumstances, he is to not contact her.
He said, "I agree...I don't want anything to do with this anymore". Well, $h!t. I hereby submit 2 you that this conversation was an utter waste of your time and effort. "Reiterating" with an OM anything that you already said 2 him could simply reaffirm 2 him that he still has influence on your W, should he choose 2 wield it. When my W asked me why I didn't contact Rat Meat more than the one time that I did, I simply replied "I didn't want you or him 2 get the impression that I think he has a right 2 exist by acknowledging that he does." You give the OM power over you by acknowledging, even if indirectly, that he can still destroy something dear 2 you - YOU. Not if you do this right. You'll simply never hear of him ever again. Or, you won't care if you do. You certainly won't seek him out. -ol' 2long
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Food unit! Put your helmet on. Ol' 2long's getting out that ebony 2x4 he keeps handy for these occasions. I just got back from speaking to the OM again. I didn't get into specifics, but I wanted to reiterate that under ANY circumstances, he is to not contact her.
He said, "I agree...I don't want anything to do with this anymore". Well, $h!t. I hereby submit 2 you that this conversation was an utter waste of your time and effort. "Reiterating" with an OM anything that you already said 2 him could simply reaffirm 2 him that he still has influence on your W, should he choose 2 wield it. When my W asked me why I didn't contact Rat Meat more than the one time that I did, I simply replied "I didn't want you or him 2 get the impression that I think he has a right 2 exist by acknowledging that he does." You give the OM power over you by acknowledging, even if indirectly, that he can still destroy something dear 2 you - YOU. Not if you do this right. You'll simply never hear of him ever again. Or, you won't care if you do. You certainly won't seek him out. -ol' 2long SMACK! Thanks..I needed that. I understand what you are saying, but what is done is done.
BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07
"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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