And let her know you will fight ever having to give her alimony. That is ridiculous. Start taking notes of these things she says... date and time stamp them if possible. They can be used against her later on.

It's only over if you walk.

She is angry. She has had contact. She will get over it if given the opportunity. The OM said he going to move. When?

You need to get her away from him somehow is what I think if this going to work. Another call the OM father may very well be in order as a matter of fact mandatory. He doesn't respect you but he sure does Dad's wrath.

Oh yeah,

MEDC is right I forgot the AOA Lawsuit. Follow up on it. You have all the documentation you and need in your online record to at least start the process.

DF... email me if you want... get me this guys phone number and I will make a call to him directly... it can't hurt at this point. Or give me his dads number... it sounds like you could use an ally to help you in this battle.

Food:

What did i tell you about pretending that the OM exists?

He'll take that as permission 2 exist!!

What could you have possibly had 2 say 2 that jacka$$ for THIRTY MINUTES! How long can it take 2 say "Go directly 2 H311! Do not pass GO!"?


Mrs Food:

First of all, Welcome to Marriage Builders! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Do yourself a favor and read the articles on the main page.

I hope you realize, sooner rather than later, that all the things that 'food is doing that you think are inauthentic, are perfectly legit behavior modification techniques designed 2 make him a better companion.

Let's cut 2 the chase, here. You're having an affair, and that's not becoming of a married person. Heck, it's not becoming of a live person.

If you want help in ending your affair, you'll find it here.

Again, a warm welcome. Would you be interested in posting your story on a thread of your own? There are many former wayward spouses here as well as betrayed spouses. I'm sure you can find many who'd be willing 2 help you work through your problems.

best,
-ol' 2long

Ugh...she wants to file yesterday. Wants to know why I haven't sat down with her and gone over the division of assetts. I have laid the boundries, but they are being walked all over. I want to fight, but am at a loss.

MEDC, no...SH said to stay. I explained the situation and even he said it is a tough one.

She kept going on asking why I am trying to save something that is not there. Why do I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Very depressing stuff.

So let her file yes2rday.

Find out how long you have 2 respond, and respond on the last day you are required 2 by law. Then, see how long it takes her 2 file.

Don't discuss division of assets until the day you're legally separated.

Fight the divorce by refusing 2 discuss it with her. If she insists on getting one, let her do all the work and pay all the fees. Fighting for the marriage is doing what you're doing and refusing 2 engage her about DV.

She'll keep going on about the things she's going on about because she's fogged. Someday she'll understand what that is, what it does 2 otherwise sensible people. But she can't and won't now. Hence her questions.

-ol' 2long

Df, Dog, Food, Dogfood,

Have I got your attention?

Do not leave no matter what she says right now it will blow over!

Get back in control and start again. You can and will weather this storm as well.

These are just some of the pros talking to you. Listen and use the advice they are giving you. It has been good advice up to now and you know you can make this work if you stick with them.

I do not advocate you leaving your home DF unless she moves out. If she stays... you stay....
If she leaves...there is NO reason that you can't get an apartment 15 minutes away and let her know where you are and that she is welcome there. That would help with NC and would let her know she has a place to return to. I think SH would agree with that and frankly, if he doesn't with all due respect to the doctor... he would be wrong because as long as OM lives there your M cannot recover. Get a new apartment close by and let her know it is her home when she wants to be there...but only do this IF she moves out.

I just took a full broadside and am fillig up with water. At least, that is how I feel right now.
I can't even write about what I would like to do next and get opinions from people because it will be read.

I feel alone.

Remember what we said. You do not do D. You let the lawyers handle that.

You work on the M all the way. No talk about division of anything. We're back to day one now. Pull yourself together and start again. You know the plan now stick to it. EXPOSE again to OMF and work the plan.

Df,

You are not alone, I'm not a pro but you can talk to me privately at justkeepgoin47@aol.com

If you're worried about her reading everything posted on your threads, you could change your username and let these threads die.

But she knows what she knows already, and is reacting rather than responding 2 what she's read - interpreting it as attacks on her personally.

But, Mrs Food, you and your H (even that pesky OM) are anonymous here. We don't know your names or where you live. You reallly could say anything you want (within limits of the terms you'd agree to when signing on2 this forum, that is), vent all you want here, and nobody would be able 2 use anything you say against you because they don't really know who you are.

Love is a choice, not a feeling. Sometimes making the choice 2 behave lovingly isn't a very attractive path 2 follow, but we married individuals promised that's exactly what we'd do - particularly during hard times like the one you and Mr Food are going through right now. And that is why 'food's behavior seems so different 2 you now. It's not so much that he's different as it is your outlook is, for the moment.

And those of us who've sticked by that promise for years, or renewed it after infidelity, have experienced the joy that the deep caring love that comes from making that choice, that promise. And standing by it.

best,
-ol' 2long

JKG, shot ya an email

Yea, I can do the new username, but she will figure it out pretty quickly. She is pretty smart that way.

Tell her I suggested she create one of her own, and tell us her story.

We'd like 2 help her if she'll let us.

-ol' 2long

I will mention it.

Df,

Resend your email. i didn't get the first time.

Justkeepgoin47@aol.com

sent again, check your spam folder maybe?

I sent it using another email address.