DF, when I was served I had something important to do about fifteen minutes after, so I tried to be cool, but I shook for an hour. I thought my heart was going to stop. I must have aged three years in that first hour.

Do you intend to continue living with her? I wouldn't.

GC

How so?

t_e:

I just learned that you personally served Mrs. Food's divorce papers 2 DF...

You ought 2 be ASHAMED of yourself!!!

That's what courier's (or Mrs. Food herself) are for.


ASHAMED!!!

-ol' 2long

the enemy - perhaps some day you will learn.

Very disappointed that you think it's okay to put yourself into the middle of Mr.& Mrs. Dogfood's problems.

Co signed

~ Marsh

"I worry about fast forgivers. They tend to forgive quickly in order to avoid their pain. Or they forgive fast in order to get an advantage over the people they forgive. And their instant forgiving only makes things worse...People who have been wronged badly and wounded deeply should give themselves time and space before they forgive...There is a right moment to forgive. We cannot predict it in advance; we can only get ourselves ready for it when it arrives...Don't do it quickly, but don't wait too long...If we wait too long to forgive, our rage settles in and claims squatter's rights to our souls."

Lewis B. Smedes - The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don't Know How

"All the years you have waited for them to "make it up to you" and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life. And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get."

Lewis B. Smedes - The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don't Know How

I Concur!!!!!!

The Law of Karma
In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.' A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)

Therefore, the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful actions is born by the person who commits them.

Translation:

What goes around, comes around.....and it will come back to bite you, young lady....

TE - What you will find out is that you've just been USED! This is the way of the wayward spouse. Karma - you'll get that too, but first, you'll find out that once you've served your purpose, Mrs. DF will be done with you, just like she's "done" with DF. She may have at one time been a good person, but when a person violates all their internal moral compass, they can and will skew every other moral boundary, including your friendship.

Just dont say you weren't warned when it happens!

DF... I am not sure about the laws in your state but I do not know that TE serving you papers is binding. You can always just say you didn't receive them! Did you sign for them? Since she is not an impartial person without a signature, her saying you were served means nothing.

Check on this.

How To Serve Divorce Papers
Once you've decided to get a divorce, you may be wondering how to serve divorce papers on your spouse. To begin with, the initial paperwork is called a divorce petition or summons, and it outlines all the important information about your marriage and what is being asked for in the divorce. This paperwork needs to be filed with the proper court, usually in the county where the filing spouse resides.

The next step is to have divorce papers served on your spouse. This lets your spouse know that papers have been filed at the courthouse to start the divorce process. It also lets them know what is being asked for and how much time they have to respond.

For the divorce to actually proceed, the court will need proof that your spouse was served with the petition. If you have a lawyer handling your divorce, he or she will probably take care of all this for you. If you are doing the paperwork yourself, below is a description on how to serve divorce papers, and how proof of service is obtained:

1. Acceptance of Service: The paperwork is personally delivered to your spouse, by someone over the age of 18 (and not your child). You must get your spouse to sign and date the Acceptance of Service paper to verify that the petition was actually received.

3. First Class Mail, with acknowledgement: The petition can be mailed, along with an acknowledgment form that your spouse will need to sign, date, and return. If it's not returned by the specified period, you will need to use another method of service.

3. Certified mail, return receipt requested: Serving divorce papers with way requires that your spouse sign a paper that is attached to the envelope when he receives the petition in the mail. This “return receipt” is then mailed back to you after it is signed, and will serve as proof of service.

4. Personal Service by Sheriff or process server: You can hire a Sheriff or professional process server to deliver your divorce petition. A proof of service form will be filled out by the person serving the petition, which will then be filed with the court.

5. By Publication: When all other methods fail, the court will allow service to be made by publication. This involves announcing the divorce petition in a newspaper where your spouse is likely to be living for a specified amount of time. You will need to return a copy of the newspaper notice, with a statement for how long the notice ran, to the court for proof of service.

California

Yep, in Ca the man usually gets screwed BIG TIME, no matter. But in this case there is no real property or children involved, so it should not be too bad on DF.

DF. Now is the time for growth. Keep busy, get out and don't isolate. The best revenge is living well bud.

Been doing a lot of thinking.

When this started, I was lost. I didn't know where to turn, or what to do. I found MB. I felt it was my safe haven. I got some advice, some good, some bad. I have read books, read articles, spoken with therapists to help improve myself.

I was told what to expect and that helped how I reacted to it.

Now, I am lost again. The week after I spoke with the OM's father, I had some hope. I saw us starting to connect a little bit. She can deny it all she wants, but she knows it is true. It was like we had our hands reached out to each other, and just missed because I screwed up.

Since that has hit the fan, they started seeing each other again and it has now advanced to the PA stage.

We talked about uncontested dissolution. That would be the best bet, but of course she read stuff on here and now that is no longer an option. I feel like I am being punished. I will get screwed. She wants and will get money for an attorney. I will not be able to afford one. I will have to represent myself. I will lose everything.

This is effecting my work. I was told today I am on the road to losing my job real soon. This just adds to it. I can't concentrate on anything anymore. I have a stack of reports to go through and I can't even focus on one word right now.

I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff flailing my arms trying to catch my balance, and she is watching just shrugging her shoulders with him standing behind her. Splat! Doesn't sound like a bad option, anymore.

This is the most painful event I have ever gone through. This is worse than when my mother died.

I am going to miss my companion, my Pooh-Head, for the past 7 years. I will miss our cats. I will miss her family. I have grown closer to them than I have my own family.
I will miss our home, and bed, the messy closet. I will miss our morning coffee and cigarette. I am going to miss my wife. I love you, my dear wife. I never meant to hurt you.

I want to thank everyone here for their help and support. Both the good and bad advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JKG
MEDC, 2LONG, Melody, JWMC, SD, FH, Q and a bunch of other letters, to everyone who I forgot to list, Thank you for everything.

I walk alone now.

-John

Just wanted you to know you were heard.

((((HUGS))))

Thanks again. The hardest part for me will be when I move out. I know once that happens, I will never hear from her again. That crushes me. I took my ring off and threw it aside. I'll never have a need for it anymore.

John, this is probably the hardest thing you'll ever go through. No matter how it ends it's going to hurt. I know because I have been *exactly* where you are right now.

I'm sorry information from this forum is being used against you. I don't see how it could have any effect. None of what's discussed here is meant to be secret, though many mistake it as such.

Regardless, here's some more non-secret info.

For you, for a good while, every event and circumstance is going to feel like a bigger deal than it actually is. But your life is not ending. It's just going to be tougher than he!! for a while.

Get a lawyer. Find a way. If the one you mentioned before is too expensive, and you haven't paid him/her a retainer yet, consider a new one; do some more consultations. Not all attorneys are the same. Some will make it sound like you have a horrible battle before you and are going to get reamed. Others will make you feel like there's hope of not getting raked over the coals. Pick one from that second crop.

See a doctor. Get anti-depressants if you have not done this yet. You need to keep from feeling overcome by all this. ADs will help. In case you don't have experience with them... they will not make you a zombie. They won't make you feel good either. You'll just be marginally more capable of facing your days.

Get armed, get healthy, and get a full toolbox. Your life isn't over. You're going to win. With or without your wife. Punch yourself in the face and get moving. You're the good guys.

GC

As you can see from all these fine people posting to you (the best of the best), you definitely do not walk alone. So please, please do not ever think that.

John... I have been in your shoes.. I thought my life was literally over.... I even know what the end of my 9mm tastes like. But you know what... it isn't over brother. Not by a long shot. I am happier now and in a better place than I have ever been. I demand respect from those around me and will never tolerate abusive people again. And guess what... it works... when you show people how you expect to be treated... suddenly you find yourself around people of a like mind. Your WW is immature... she will regret this all one day... and while you find this hard to believe... you will hope she finds her way, but you would NEVER go back.
We have been there. You are not alone brother... I and many others, while we can't take away your pain, can help you find your way to a brighter day.
Hang in there.

MEDC

My prayers go with you Dogfood.............