Alrighty (again)

Finally got the paperwork from her attorney.
My divorce will be final 08/07/07.

The irony in all this, in the begining she was dependant on me financially.
Now that "she escaped" from me and is "On her own"...she is still dependant on me financially.
Way to go. That's freedom.

Does that mean you have 2 pay spousal support? If so, for how long?

-ol' 2long

Yes, and it is for two years. Started paying in April.
It is a modifiable order, so if she makes more, than I can petition to pay less.

Typical. they want to be away and Free, but that doesn't mean they don't want your money...

If I were you, I'd guilt her into a better settlement. Ask her why she deserves to receive a support check from you. See if you can manipulate her into lowering the amount or duration of support. She should be paying you.

Hey all!
Just thought I would drop in and say hello to everyone and give an update.
I am doing good. Getting out, meeting people, doing things. The usual.
I look back on the past 7 months and cannot believe how far I have come. I am still, for the most part, the same guy I was. But, there are subtle differences. I am definitely a stronger person and I believe in myself.

I wish my story would have had a happy ending, if anything to help inspire the people who are going through what I have. But, I am content that I did everything I could.
I still think about her. I still miss her. I miss the cats.
When I think of her, though, it is not with malice. I think of of all the wonderful times we had together. I smile when I am reminded of her. I wish her well.

We do communicate every now and then through email or text message. Sometimes it seems she is trying to reach out, and then it will abruptly stop. I have offered to get together for coffee or lunch, but the question is ignored. Nothing I can do about that, so I do not worry.

I stated that I made up my mind. I guess I am only about 99% sure of what I would do. I won't actually know until if/when she will ever want to try us again. I honestly do not know if our paths will ever cross again But again, there is nothing I can do about that, so I do not worry about it. I just live my life the best way I can.

I am happy.
And, if anyone is wondering, I am not dating anyone or otherwise romantically involved with anyone. I have, as a few of you know, been reunited (thru a really bizarre series of events) of sorts with someone from my past whome I haven't seen in 12 years. We get together and hang out and talk. There was the potential, but I pulled back as I am not ready for a relationship of that kind right now.

Anyway, that is what is going with me. I hope everyone who helped me thru this trying time is doing well.

But it did!

Darn right it did. You're a hero Dogfood.

Who said anything about a relationship? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, it's good to hear from you and know that you are doing well.

When you emerge from the dark cloud of infidelity with your wits about you, your self esteem intact and a plan to move forward in life, you are a success story!

Best wishes, Dogfood!
SD

I think Dog is doing awsome.... He is my pathfinder or being an avaitor, he is has the lead, I am just the wing man. So you doing great Dog! Thanks for all you did the insparation and takin the lead, you flew a good course to follow...

Friends
Jim

Just another update from Dog.

Earlier this month, I spent something like 10 days down in southern California for work and personal stuff (read fun stuff).

When I came back to my office last Monday, I had little package from her attorney. It was the final papers that I need to sign.

My reaction was mixed. I didn’t feel all that sad or depressed, just melancholy. That funk continued on and off all week.

Then today. Today sucked. I was given the news of a friend of mine being killed while performing at an airshow in Ohio.

The combination of everything hit me hard tonight. I haven’t cried in a long time, but I did tonight.

I had an interesting email exchange with her. I stated before, in her emails to me, she would never answer any questions, etc….

I finally sent her an email that more or less asked what the deal was? That if you feel uncomfortable, then we need to cut it off communication or we need to communicate with each other to work through it.

Her reply was that “that it is very hard to see me in this light. That I don’t even know who you are anymore and it scares me. I don't know what to expect from you, or if you have ulterior motives ”

She then filled me in on the cats, what was going in her life, her friends, etc...she opened up to me in ways I haven't seen since we were married.

Interesting, in that that was the last time I heard from her…that was 10 days ago. Weird.

Hi 'Food:

I'm very sorry 2 hear that was your friend. I saw the snapshots on the news. Heart wrenching. I love stunt flying. It's amazing what those people can do with an airplane.

As for your STBXW: Sounds like plan B is having an effect, and still might 2rn things around. People have gotten back 2gether after divorce. Not that I'm suggesting that's what you should plan 2 do. I would think going dark would still be helpful 2 you.

-ol' 2long

I'd tell her that you're the same guy you've always been. No ulterior motives...no one she doesn't already know.

Tell her that the difference is HER. She changed...which is why everything seems so much different to her now.

You're still the guy she fell in love with. But when she changed, she couldn't see that anymore. It wasn't you changing...it was her change in herself that distorted her view of you...and of everything else.

Just my thoughts.

Dog

I don't have no advice, your in uncharted tettory for my experience... I will tell you you need a ear to bend, you how to reach me and that is 24/7 365.

Jim

DF,

It gets way better.

I'm a few months ahead of you in personal healing. It's been a little over a year. I took a good break from everything and sort of isolated myself for a while. I didn't date and barely hung out with others. It was a smart move on my part (not dating).

One day it struck me that I was tired of the pity party and I needed to turn things around.

I joined the gym at the Pentagon and started going all the time. I also joined eHarmony.

Let me tell you, dating women in their 30s is so refreshing. Most that I've been matched with are independent, fun, and mature. I feel hope again.

Take a break from talking to ex at all. You have no children to keep you in contact with her. Go completely dark.

Honestly, find a woman, when you're ready, that has morals and strength and who won't do this to you.

My standards for dating now are so different than when I met my ex. I settled for anything and the more problems I could try to solve the better.

Now? I don't want anything to do with a woman with problems and I want independent women who don't need a man in their life.

I'm happy being alone and it is a good place to be. You'll get there too.

Happy flying. I miss flying myself. 1400 hrs in a KC-135.

I'm now a contractor at the Pentagon. How things change!

Stay in touch.

As the final day of my marriage draws closer, I have been reflecting a lot on my marriage. I guess that is typical. I think about what I could have done differently and why what happened took place. No need to rehash all that, because it is the typical stuff you see written here and elsewhere.

Why did I love her? Why did I stick by her for 7 plus years? She was something special.
I wrote out a long list of whys. From her physical appearance to little things, like how she would cover her hand with the other while she entered the PIN number on her ATM card…even if I was the only one there. It always made me smile. Always. Her determination in being the best in everything she tried. Her compassion for everything and everyone. It hurt her when she couldn’t help someone who needed it. She is smart, funny and creative. Her eyes…There are many, many more reason I could add to this list. It makes me smile, and cry at the same time when I think about them.

Obviously, she isn’t that person anymore. In our email exchanges, I can see that.
But, the person I loved will live on in my memory. At this stage, I doubt I will ever physically lay eyes on her again. That hurts. I have accepted a job on the other side of the world and will probably be departing for it sometime this Fall.

People ask me, a lot, if I regret marrying her. I do not. The time we had together will always be special to me, and I will never forget. She will always be in my heart.

Tonight, I will put my ring on one more time. And take it off tomorrow, where it will be placed back in it’s box. I will take it out every now and then to look at it….to remember what it stood for. To remember her.

This final chapter of my marriage is going to end, and it hurts. I don’t want to close this book, but…it is done. Time to begin the next book.

“I wonder where you are, I wonder if you think about me
Once upon a time, in your wildest dreams” - Moody Blues

I'm in awe of you DF.

(((Dogfood)))

I'm with big K. Godspeed, dog.

SD

DF-
You are a noble, caring man. I wish you well!
Sadmo