Due to a clerical error, the D wasn't final on 08/07/07.
It was, instead, final on the 14th of Sept. I found out today when the papers arrived in the mail.
It totally caught me off guard.
I asked her, via TM, if she knew about the date and she did not, and that it caught her off guard too.
But, there you have it, I am divorced. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I sit here, munching on dry corn flakes I cannot even taste...numb.

DF-
Chin up!
I know it is hard, don't let it consume you. Make sure you have your support system around you, and keep busy!
I hope you feel better soon....

Sorry this has set you back further Dog. You're a good man.

DF,

While this may seem to be the end, it is but the closing of one chapter.

Hang tuff, my friend. You will get through this part of life as well.

This too shall pass...

I know they are all cliches, but that doesn't prevent them from being true.


Mark

and you didn't call.... Buddy that road runs both ways! I am here for you 2 any time any place!

Hi Food!

I almost missed this.

Every time I've read about someone here getting "the news" that their divorce was final, whether on schedule or late, it's been kind of hard for them.

My thoughts are with you 2day.

best,
-ol' 2long

Thanks guys. I feel better today, as the initial shock wore off. I knew it was coming, but I feel robbed that I got blindsided like this. I wanted to know in advance what my last day as a married man was, instead of finding out about it after the fact.

DF,

Please don't take this as trivializing your pain. You will look back one day and be glad she's out of your life. You have no kids. You will recover from this sooner than most of us, who still have an ex with a sense of entitlement to deal with and constant, neverending disagreements and legal battles.

You will mourn and grive and feel pain for a while, but will be able to get through it sooner than some of us who have to deal with the alien on a regular basis.

You're still young enough to meet someone leaps and bounds better than your ex and have children.

Believe me, it will open your eyes when you finally move on. Make a conscious effort to date people that are nothing like your ex. Look for women in their 30s, who are on their own, independent, and mature. It's been wonderful on my end to experience that with someone new.

Mourn and grive first. Don't date till you're ready. But it will be a great thing to do so when you are ready.

Best of luck, friend. I felt the same pain you feel and know exactly what you're going through. It WILL get better. I very highly recommend you go to Divorce Care. It's a great program, even if you're not religious.

BD (and others),

To say that I will be glad she is out of my life or better off without her is very subjective. If I enter a relationship with someone, I do not wish to, nor will I, compare it with my marriage. What is, is.
By doing that the “glad she is gone” and “Better off without her” statements simply cannot be quantified. My marriage was my marriage; the future is unknown.

With that said, I was told I will need to grieve and mourn. I have already done that. That started in earnest in April when I moved to another city. I have mourned my loss and it is now behind me.
I came out on top. I am a better person and have never been as happy with myself as I am today.

During some message exchanges with my EW, she said that “I don’t even know who are you anymore”. I remember thinking “I’m still me”, but then I really thought about it.
She is right. She no longer knows who I am, as I am not the person she married. But, this statement is double-edged. I am still, essentially, me; but I am not.
I gave up old interests and have new ones. New hobbies, a new circle of friends. I am doing and trying things that I never thought I would do. I am more spontaneous and do a lot less just sitting around.
I am more optimistic, as a whole, and if things do not work out the way it was anticipated, I do not let it get me down. I dress a little differently and look pretty good doing it. I have a few more self-improvement items to work on, and then I will satisfied.

On the other hand, I am still me. Does that make sense? I didn’t give up on my beliefs or change how I think, I just look at the world in a different light.

This whole ordeal has forced the changes. When I began the process of rebuilding me, I made a conscious decision of just exactly WHO I wanted to be; the type of person I wanted to be. As silly as it sounds, I made a list of objectives and am doing the necessary things to achieve them. I have become self-reliant and realize being alone is not bad. I am not lonely, as I have great friends whom I can call upon at any time.
My future is wide open and even I do not know where I will end up. It is rather exciting.

Another update from me.
It coming up on a year since my life was turned upside down.
As December is coming to a close, this is a rather melancholy month for me.
This December marks the 10th aniversary of my mother's death. For some reason, it hit me kind of hard on two occasions. The 12th, which marked the last time I spoke with her and the 14th, the day she passed.
Also, the 28th of this month would have been the five year aniversary of my marriage to my now EX-wife. And, to top things off...I get to spend Christmas alone in a hotel. As a result, Christmas spirit is nowhere near me right now.

I talk with my EX occasionally thru email or an occasional phone call. She seems pretty happy with everything and she just moved in with him in his new townhome.
I hope the cats (the two remaining) are doing ok. I really miss those little guys.
But, it is nights like these....cold and away from everyone, where my thoughts will turn to her. I guess it is normal. I also realized tonight that I do not have any pictures of her and can barely remember what she looks like. I saw her once about a month or so ago, but she looked so different from what I remembered...and even that memory has faded. She called the other day to discuss a business matter (it turned out to be a pleasant conversation), and I didn't even recognize her voice when I picked up.

But, despite that, I am doing good.
I decided against the overseas job and am still at my current position. This turned out to be a blessing because I was hired to fly widebody airliners for a freight company. I start in January.
Also, for the past two months, I have been seeing someone.
She is really a wonderful person. She has also been the victim of an affair and knows what I went through.
She also knows how this December is for me and is being as supportive as possible. She even offered to change her plans to be with her family to stay with me over the Holidays. I declined the offer, but it was a very nice gesture. She is 34, in case anyone is wondering.

Anyway, just thought I would drop in. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas.

YAY Dog!!!

Good to see you post mate!

DF,

Good to hear from you...

Sorry the season isn't so jolly. The future should be nothing but better.

Drop me a line sometime. My email is in my profile.

Mark

Food!!!

I was wondering about you.

I hope you know that we'll all be thinking positive thought for you over the holidays.

Perhaps, since your X has 'move on' with her affair partner, you should consider severing contact with her if it triggers you,.

Your girlfriend sounds like a good person. What about going with her to visit her family? Or is she already gone?

the very best,
-ol' 2long

Hi gang! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hmm...contact with her isn't an issue for me. I am ok with it, and as I have stated before, I wish her well. Statistically, her relationship doesn't stand a chance, but that no longer my concern. I truly hope that one day she finds true happiness within herself.

As to my new interest...wow. She is an amazing person.
Since she has been through what I have been through (she was engaged to a man who cheated on her), we have had numerous discussions on the subject and what we did for ourselves in order to heal. We were both amazed that what we did paralled each other and found a lot of common ground in that.

I wondered if this is a rebound relationshp and have come to the conclusion it is not. I have had one of those before and I find myself not doing something I did throughout my rebound....compare.
My current relationship is just that...current. I make no comparisons to my previous relationship with my EX. The only thing I am taking from my relationship from my EX are some hard lessons learned that I will apply to my current relationship to build something with a strong foundation.

Oh yea..to answer the question, we talked about me coming with her to meet the family, etc...but I have to work for most of next week. Instead, I get to meet and greet the family in April when we go to her family's winter home in Florida.

Food, Dude:

I think you've got a good head on your shoulders. Give yourself credit for that on my behalf, okay?

Merry Christmas!
=ol' 2long

Agree with 2long....Dog, you are wise beyond your years. The lessons learned here will carry you forward with relationship skills hard earned, but invaluable for your future.

Hold your head high, as you did all that could be done, and worked hard to save your marriage, to no avail. Your WW will eventually come around and wonder if there's anything left of your feelings for her...

Happy Holidays, and keep the updates coming. We enjoy hearing how you are doing along life's way... SD

Thanks 2long and SD.

Well...Jan 03 is the one year anniversary of my journey to that rather warm place just south of here. So, below, was and my current state of mind during this whole thing. Very brief, but to the point. Maybe it will give someone some hope as to their future. I am living proof that life does get better thru this.

Jan 07 - Confused, Scared
Feb 07 - Confused, Scared, Depressed, Suicidal
Mar 07 - Depressed
Apr 07 - Depressed, releived
May 07 - Depressed, Angry, Hopeful
Jun 07 - Angry, Depressed but looking up
Jul 07 - Sad, Neutral
Aug 07 - Just exisiting
Sep 07 - Looking forward to the opportunities that my future holds
Oct 07 - Optimistic and for the first time, truly happy
Nov 07 - Happy
Dec 07 - Very Happy
Jan 08 - Estatic!!

Mark sent me and TMTS over here to read this.

Congratulations and I will have to go back and read your story.

It's nice to see someone recover personally from such depths of despair and pain.

DF,

Great to see you back. I'm an old friend under a different name. I shared your pain in the past.

Great to hear about the flying job. I hope to be able to do that someday as well.

Healing is a little faster for those who don't have kids and you have a diamond now with your new GF. That helps tremendously.

I really wish you luck and am glad to see you back.

Stick around and keep us updated.

Just some more random stuff from me.

I am doing fine. My relationship with my girlfriend is doing fantastic. We are about 6 months into this dating thing.

Hmm...ran into an old friend of mine who also knows my Ex.
She told him about the divorce...which is fine. It is what she told him that had me going "huh?".
She said we had moved to Fresno and that she didn't iike it, that I was away from home too much and that made it hard for her.
The latter part I can understand...but if ya'll recall, I moved to Fresno after the seperation when I took over the job as Chief Pilot for the airline I worked for. Interesting that she would say that. I haven't heard from her since before Christmas, FWIW....which isn't much.

I still look back and am amazed at how far I have come. I learned that being alone isn't bad. Affairs do not kill you, but can be used as a tool to grow stronger and better (believe it or not). I am looking forward to my Birthday in a few weeks...it will be a darn sight better than the last one, where I was sitting miserable in the apartment and get a text message from her wishing me a "happy 35th"....that she sent while sitting in his apartment 8 feet above my head.
People still wonder how I was able to do that for three months. LOL