So did anyone ever see the comet? I didn't. I've never seen any comet, in fact, including Halley's. *sigh*

Ya, it's behind the Windex in the laundry room. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey 2long! Don't know how I missed this but I wouldn't want the OP's mug seared into my brain. Good for you for not making a huge deal of it.

I already forgot about it. I think I could recognize him now if he were 2 show up somewhere, though. Useful, I suppose.

I 2k pic2res of the comet from our tower window. Very pretty, but not big (mostly because it was in bright twilight). It wasn't supposed 2 be visible after Friday evening from northern lati2des, but I 2k pic2res on Sa2rday evening, and saw it visually Sunday evening (but lost it before I could get a pic2re).

-ol' 2long

I never say any comet - except the comet behind the windex.

SS

Okay, so I was poking around on the internet again, because something got my curiosity up.

My W has a pic2re on her bulletin board in her home office of a bunch of coworkers standing outside a field office trailer, from about 16 or 17 years ago. My W isn't in the pic2re, since she was holding the camera.

I suspected one of the people in the pic2re is Rat Meat.


Anyway, RM has a new website and a new business. With another pic2re. I 2k my computer with the webpage on it and compared it 2 the pic2re on her bulletin board. Sure enough, it's Rat Meat in the earlier pic2re.

I still feel numb about RM himself. But I don't know how long that pic2ure has been up there. Probably quite a while, but I don't know. She's never said anything about it. Never showed me a pic2re of RM before, either. Never acknowledged she has any pic2res of him.

And that bugs me.

-ol' 2long

Hi 2,

Why don't you Google Bomb him? Set it up so that whenever anybody searches on "Rat Meat", they'll be taken to his web site!

I've heard that the goog has made some changes to make this harder to do, but here's a link about the basic concept.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_bomb

Oh, and HERE is a recipe for Rat Meat for dinner.


-AD

I revived this thread because I only just this morning told my W I was aware of the pic2re. Here's how that transpired:

My W said that she was talking 2 our daughter when she was over a 2ple days ago, and DD had mentioned that she and her H were looking at their wedding album recently, and her H asked her why she hadn't deleted the family photo that included her grandmother and aunt (the one who sued us for not giving her the house we were renting 2 her), or edited them out in Photoshop like we were joking about doing last year. And DD replied that she didn't want 2 delete the memory of her grandmother, or even her aunt (though she never liked her). That she wanted 2 keep the photos, not just as a record of their wedding, but as a reminder of the things she's learned in life.

And so my W and I were agreeing with that thinking and philosophy when we were talking this morning about a recent letter from MIL, that has us concerned about her mental state. It was then that I said something like "I can understand that and agree that DD is being very thoughtful and intelligent, but I can also understand what her H is saying, regarding the reminders of people who've hurt you in the past (sadly, my son in law never really knew MIL in "good times" so he only has recent events 2 go by).

My W asked me, "What do you mean?"

I: "Well, I've been aware for some time now that you keep a pic2re of Rat Meat on your bulletin board, and that bugs me very much."

W: (and this is where my "scenario prediction video" that I've played over repeatedly since I realized the pic2re was of RM, breaks down): "That pic2re is a reminder of the crews I've worked with, and it's just that I have so few of them anymore, I just posted the ones I still have."

You see, my prediction broke down because I thought she would get defensive, but she didn't. I thought she would ask me how I knew what he looked like first, but she didn't. She did next, though:

W: "I thought you didn't know what he looked like." (not stated defensively, only a neutral tone).

ol' 2long: "I didn't, until several months ago."

W: "How did you find out what he looks like?" (again, not stated defensively).

ol' 2long: "What if I wait 2 tell you in 5 years?" (still trying 2 play back that video!)

W: "Well, it doesn't really matter, I suppose." (she giggled a bit when she said that. Again, not defensively, or offensively, more matter of factly and with some humor, though I didn't feel it was at my expense).

Now, reflecting on the convo, I note a 2ple of things:

*I ended up trying 2 play my predictive video in real life!

*It didn't work! And it's good that it didn't work.

*My W doesn't appear 2 be attached 2 RM at all anymore. So far as I could sense, and I can sense things like this a lot better than I ever could before.

In this conversation, but in several prior ones that we've had over the past few weeks, I can tell that my W may have completed withdrawal from RM some time ago, but she's still very detached from our relationship. But not just our relationship, because the whole MIL/SIL experience has her very wary of attachment 2 anyone. So, it's not quite a "healthy detachment" or a "detachment with love", though even that is a judgment on my part. But it is movement in a good direction, I believe.

We actually talked about detachment some, but then she had 2 head off 2 school 2 give her students an exam. I think my W is slowly starting to "get it" (though that 2, is a judgment on my part, but hopefully a positive one).

Hopefully someday we can get the love back. But it'll be okay if we can't, 2. Still, there's a lot going on that I can't post here, that we need 2 resolve before we can truly focus on our M.

-ol' 2long

To keep a picture in a closed photo album is one thing but to leave it visible for you to see on a bulletin board? Hm.... very rude indeed.

2L, u r too nice. I would rip that pix big time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

Me too; I'd like to rip it off the bulletin board and rip it up too...

But, I think you would prefer she respect your feelings now that she knows you know who it is and take it off and get rid of it on her own, wouldn't you?

Orchid:

You have no idea of the restraint...

Trix:

How delightful 2 get a post from you!

You know me better than I would have thought. indeed, it would be marvelous for her 2 do that on her own, wouldn't it?

Maybe she will. It's going 2 be interesting what happens.

-ol' 2long

2L,

Ok, just think that if you kick RM in the [censored], you might miss and hit his face! LOL!! Oh well....what's the difference? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Over the weekend, my W got a letter in the mail from her mom, who's been angry with us for not giving my SIL, in effect, a quarter of a million dollars by selling our income property 2 her at 2002 prices.

In a letter last week, she did all kinds of blaming us for all her woes and basically demanded that she give back the OOSP property (MIL had quit claimed it 2 my W about 12 years ago because she went bankrupt and couldn't pay the taxes), so my W sent her some money on the assumption that she was short on November's rent (without addressing her demand for the house). At the top of the new letter was "FU" in red ink. I've never heard her use that word before, and neither has my W.

So, we had an interesting discussion about an article that SC had posted on the iloveulove resources page about "The Faces of Victim".

This is an example of "parallel evolution", or learning lessons about relationships that pertain 2 infidelity but without specifically addressing infidelity. It is also the first time I feel that I was able 2 forward something 2 my W that didn't come across as "educating" her. In fact, she asked me 2.

-ol' 2long

The miracle behind the grievance.

And with that said...

She really sent it back with an FU on it? It was from her mom and not her sister?

My God, I am so sorry.

2Long-

Have you simply considered asking her to take down the pic of rat meat? Just tell her how it makes you feel to see him on her bulletin board, and how it would make you feel if she cared enough to take it down now that she knows how you feel?

Just a thought...

Or how about drawing devil horns, crazy eyes and a mustache on it? When your wife asks you can say, I just didn't think the picture did him justice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

weaver:

Yep, it was from her mom. She included the check my W sent her, only in a lot more pieces than it was in when she got it. She said that she wouldn't alleviate my W's guilt for not doing the right thing re the settlement with the SIL, by accepting the check.

So, she sent this angry letter just a couple of days after demanding that my W quit claim her OOSP property back 2 her. Weird way 2 enamor us 2 give her a house. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Ac2ally, we note a few interesting things here. First, the letters and an INSANE voice mail message early last week are coming from my MIL. Not a peep out of the SIL, who simply refused the settlement check a month ago (we're expecting another ridiculous lawsuit any time now).

2nd, her demand letter, and one of the voice messages, starts with an insistence that she's sane and rational. Who would have 2 insist that with someone they're in conflict with if it's really true?

3rd, she's attacking my W. Not me. And *I* am the one who insisted at the very beginning that we adhere 2 the settlement agreement.

I'd love 2 respond 2 her mom myself, but that isn't how one gets off the "drama triangle" talked about in the Victims article. Just like dealing with a wayward, my MIL needs 2 hit bottom on her own, and figure this out for herself - if she's inclined or mentally able 2 do so at all, that is.

Both my W and I realize that no response is the right response.

-ol' 2long

Owl:

As with some other BHs of LTA WWs, I will gladly point out how her pic post makes me feel, but I will do no more than hope she removes it (I can voice that, though). I can't expect her 2 do it because I insist on it. Because, as other LTA survivors also know, it means little if they comply out of a sense of obligation when they'd rather do something else.

-ol' 2long

I've thought about that many times. Or "photoshopping" him out of existence, like some skiffy story about someone who was never born carrying around a family portrait and watching themselves slowly fading out of the pic2re.

Fun fantasies, but I want my W 2 want 2 remove the pic2re. I don't want her mad at me in 30 years because she didn't get 2 choose whether 2 keep it or not.

It's up 2 her what happens 2 it. It's up 2 me whether I stay married 2 someone who doesn't care if it bothers me that she keeps the pic2re.

-ol' 2long

Ouch !

So sorry, and I know words don't come close to telling the feelings behind your post.

Would say more if I knew how, but wanted you to know I care.

And I did see the comet in the end, and it was cool.

SS