and by the way - I just saw Peps post, and I have to be honest with you, I agree with her.

I want to support you, as a woman, and I hope my post above is helpful. But I have serious concerns about your WH's lack of remorse.

Let me ask you this question - why do YOU think he cheated again?
And
What is HIS reasoning for this?

yeah ... brings me no joy to write what I did

but, there it is

Pep

Pep and WOF5

Your words and advice put alot of things in perspective, I guess right now I probably am coming off as needy, Is it needy to ask to put the divorce on hold? I just think I jumped the gun here and would like time to possibly work on our marriage.
Or does this sound like a lost cause? Can people change ? Has anyone out there pulled through and ended up having a great marriage after multiple affairs?
He does have some good qualities, but I think his morals wipe all that away.
I really don't remeber FIM, did she end up divorcing her H or did they make it?

Thanks in advance for answering my questions.

SH01

FIM divorced (he filed, he was living with OW)

FIM re-married (quickly) and has had another baby !!!!!!!!

of course they can

does he tell you he wants to change and he'll work to make you happily (and faithfully) married?

what is is position of why he broke your heart, yet again?

Pep

[color:"red"]still seeing MOW [/color]

is in your tag line

is this true?

Pep

The reason I think he cheated again... I want to say it was because he likes to flirt and help people at work out with thier problems. And I think this may have started off as flirting and her SIL and BIL really do not like my H (hockey) and I guess he was the topic at thier Thanksgiving dinner in 2005. I think this gave them a common bond... thier dislike of this particular woman. I've heard from people they both work with that she played it real big for him. She's 29 and he's 45 and I'm sure he found it really flattering. I'm not putting all the blame on this person. My H is an adult and knows how affairs start. We even talked about it and he just said they were just friends.
I know he never forgave himself for the first affair and I think it just made it easier to do it again. Then I think maybe he was jsut looking for a way out and this was his way to do it. You know like an exit affair. As you can see I have given this alot of thought.
For a long time I didn't think I could ever forgive him for doing this again, but as time went on and I guess I got lonely, I missed him. I really believe everything can be forgiven, the BUT here is there must be remorse. And I know he feels badly about hurting me... not enough to stop what he is doing though.
I was posting I think at the same time as you were and lost my post. It does hurt to read that but doesn't the saying go the truth hurts.

SH01

forgiving him is not the point


looking squarely at his chances of re-cheating is the point

no !!!!!

the question is:

what does HE say is the reason he BROKE YOUR HEART and TORE IT TO SHREDS the second time

Yes he still is seeing the MOW. They are probably together tonight as a matter of fact.
And no he hasn't told me he wants to change. He says he still is the same person he was in September when he left. I don't see that all the time. He was very cruel and angry towards me at that time. The anger and cruelty are gone at the moment.
So it didn't work with FIM w FWH. But it makes me happy to see she is now happy, I just feel so old to be starting over.
It's me who wants to hold off a little longer. Then maybe it's just prolonging the pain.

SH01

I think you should Plan B

and put the divorce on hold for a year or so....

you need to get away from him ... altogether ... PLAN B

let him feel the space you took in his heart ... and that may be your only tool to get respect from this man

Pep,

You're right forgiving him isn't the only point. I think at this time with no IC he will cheat again.
And he has never told me why he tore my heart out a second time. Only that he was unhappy and couldn't stand to be with me. Boy that hurts to write. I wasn't perfect by any means but I did love him.

Chances look pretty slim I guess.

SH01

Pep,

I think you're right... my plan to start plan B is early March. And I will ask about possibly changing this to a legal separation.
And I agree he doesn't have any respect for me it shows with the way he was treating me before I discovered this second affair.
I think I was getting all cought up with LS and SL situation thinking maybe I could win him back.
But I'm going to start seriously thinking about plan B, right now seeing him is messing with my head.

SH01

you can forgive him every day for 10 years ... that will not change him



and maybe with IC


let's test that theory

go pitch black Plan B



his feelings drive his bus, not integrity


long term chances are better with Plan B

your H needs to suffer losing you

REALLY
SERIOUSLY

that is the only shock to his system that might wake him up

but, he probably expects you to be too weak to follow through

Pep

SIT DOWN
I am going to YELL at you now
....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ready?

WHAT THE HEII GOOD IS IT TO
"WIN BACK"
A SERIAL CHEAT
WHO CANNOT TELL YOU WHY HE TORE YOUR HEART OUT AND RIPPED IT TO SHREDS MULTIPLE TIMES ????????

IF HE HAS ANY VALUE TO YOU AS A FUTURE HUSBAND HE NEEDS TO BE THINKING

WHAT CAN I DO TO WIN MY WIFE'S HEART BACK AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH HER?

NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im done

go apply ice (((( SH ))))

Pep

Pep,

Do you know my H? He does need to see what it will be like without me in his life. Now I need to get there. Because not only will he be losing someone who only wanted to be a good wife and mother. Someone who supported him even when I didn't completely agree. He's losing respect from our community and friends. Not many people ask him to go out anymore. He'll lose his DD's respect and I don' t know if he'll ever be able to get that back.

I know he does think I'm to weak to follow through... he was very controlling and kind of beat me down (not physically) so that my independence and strength were gone.
Do you think I should start plan B sooner ?
When it does come to that I am going to need all the help I can get.

By the way WOF I really like your ide about what to text on our S B-day, much nicer.

SH01

Ice being applied...

Still...

Pep's got you covered....

LISTEN TO HER!!!!

I really need this encouragement...

I want someone who will love me for me.... I don't want to walk on eggshells all the time. I want my H to want to come home from work.

I've been lonely and just remembering the good times.. not all the cr*p I was going through. I need to remind myself I will not settle for crumbs.

I think I'm having a senior moment and need to get back to the real world, my real world. And plan B is the way even if it doesn't bring my H back.
Should I still continue to plan A for another week or so we have our son's hockey tournament coming up next weekend. Maybe after that.

SH01