Being left for a younger woman really stinks. It doesn't do much for our self-esteem.

Do you ever wonder what the heck they can talk about. When old songs on the redio come on they have no meaning for her.

Everytime I hear songs that we listened to while we were going out I think she was barely out of diapers.

It still blows my mind.

It is so hard to explain. This is my Wh 2nd affair with a younger woman. The only thing I can think of is he has alower self esteem than I do. And she must make him feel so knowledgable.

If they do stay together she has a DD7 and DS2... my WH is going from kids that are old enough to not need babysitters. Being able to go where and when we want. To diapers and potty training.

And I have to laugh and think that I started going through bad PMS in my early 30's. He may be going through it again with her.

I just wish he would wake up... Every night I pray for God to open his heart to HIM and to my love.

Still

He definitely traded down. I'm not saying I'm a raving beauty, but she's nothing to look at. Might be younger than me, but that's it.

I agree in what do they have in common? Probably sex. And that she strokes his ego and at his age he probably feels like he conquered something. That he could still attract a woman 1/2 his age. I truly think he's in a mid life crisis.

She has no kids, and I thought WH didn't want to start a new family at his age, but who knows?

My Wh is definately in MLC mode also. And I also believe he traded down.

I'm not drop dead gorgeous (sp) but I can hold my own especially since I lost 50lbs on the infidelity diet.

I don't even remeber what MOW looks like...I have only seen her from a distance (has long dark hair). I did meet her once a couple of years ago. I guess she didn't make that big of an impression on me.

Fortunately neither one can have more children <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

WH had a vasectomy and her H told me she had her tubes tied. So at least I don't have to worry about step siblings.

Although I could still get pregnant <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

But you have to have sex for that.... I think it's getting past my bedtime I'm starting to think dirty.

Still

Hi Still...and cat.

Please use whatever you want from my PBL. Maybe you want to wait and see how well it works, first...but that would be a loooong wait. I haven't even delivered it yet (that's tomorrow), and here I am already considering myself in Plan B. What a big wuss I am.

I do feel relatively good about it, though; I was so getting to the point of dispising him. And I'm just sick to death of the drama. I just want to pick myself up and do my own thing, no longer fixating on what he's doing, what I SHOULD be doing.

Yeah, right, give it 12 hours, right? I'll be jonesing for my fix...

Just watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire with DS8. Dumbledore's last words were: "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."

I wish I had more faith that those words were true for WH...instead I just think of how they apply to ME.

Sorry for jacking your thread...but I wanted to say hi.

I'm off to bed...been a long day.

LilSis,

Don't worry about the threadjack.... honored that you visited my post. Thanks for letting me borrow a few ideas from your PLan B letter. That's one of my goals for today to work on.

All by myself today as kids are out and about. Fuming That Wh hasn't even called here to talk to them at all. It does give me alot of time to dwell. I also need to do some house work. Yuck. Not one of my favorites but it was a big EN for WH. One of the things I need to continue to work on.

Just remember we are all in this together... our cyber family.

Still

Still,

I see alot of me in you. Housework was a HUGE EN for WH. Although he never did any, he complained that the house was always a mess, which it was. I was depressed at the time, didn't really accept that I was, and I just didn't put that as a priority. The house is 90% cleaner now, but I guess it's too late. Guess that's why I still blame myself for his A. If I only had kept the house cleaner, if I only was a better wife and didn't yell at him all the time, etc, etc. I know the A is his to own alone, but I blame myself that he went looking for someone else for a reason, the reason is because I wasn't good enough for him. IfI was, he never would have had the A.

WH doesn't call the kids at all. He comes over a few hours a week to see them and that's it. That's why I truly believe he likes his new life. No responsibilities, kids etc. He puts in his few hours with them a week and he's done.

I hear ya about dwelling. My IC is trying to get through to me that I need to put all that energy I use on WH, on me. Even though I am in Plan B, I still cannot help thinking about what WH and OW are doing. Are they eating out tonight, are they having sex now? Sick, I know, but I just don't know how not to. I try and keep busy, but while I'm doing housework or errands or whatever, WH is still in my mind.

I doubt WH is thinking about me, why should I spend time thinking about him, but it's like an obsession! I even dream of him!

Cat,

I could of written what you just posted. Every word. The housework just became overwelming and now I look back and see I was in major depression. This past summer when i was doing plan A before everything came out he would ask why are you trying to be susy homemaker... really sarcastic. He even admitted to me when he felt his walls coming down towards me that he would instigate an argument so he could justify what he was doing. He played me so well.

It wasn't the housework not being done or OUR failure that our H's went out and had an A. It is ALL THEM. And we need to keep telling ourselves that every minute if we have to. This is all them. It's funny when I was talking to OWH (haven't talked to him in months) he mentioned his wife definately wasn't a good at keeping up with the housework. I had mentioned that this was one of my biggest faults. I always felt that I was spending time with our children the housework would still be there...

Thinking about them having sex is the hardest thing for me... I have nightmares about it. Had one last night as a matter of a fact. The thing that makes it the hardest is that we were each others one and only for the longest time. That's going to be the hardest thing for me to come to terms with if we ever do reconcile. Even right now I'm thinking about what they are doing... are they doing things that H and I used to do on Sat. mornings?

Oh I hate this song that's on the radio.... angel eyes. It's about someone talking to there OW. It's thing my WH did when he was still home TMing her all hours of the night.

Bad memories.

Still

Ladies,

Get that housework done and outta the way and go have some FUN!! OR SKIP Straight to the FUN!

Forget about OW and WS for a while today.


FOCUS on you!!

Get a manicure and a pedicure. Watch whatever movie you LOVE. Take a bubble bath for as long as you like. Run around the house naked! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> WHATEVER trips your trigger and reminds you of what a FANTASTIC person you are.

NO OW has ANYTHING on us!! Forget them for right now!!

Your WS is so LUCKY to have you! Get those positive energies flowing!!

{{{{{Sending all those positives your way right now!!}}}}}

Thanks Bugs... I almost spit my coffee out onto the computer screen...ROTFL

Just picturing myself running around the house naked.... that's a thought. It might make it more fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Right now I'm thinking of taking a long hot shower and will get to HW. I'm still giggling.

I'll keep checking in... love you all

Still

Perfect! I accomplished my mission - LOL and a <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />!

The almost spitting the coffee out is a BONUS!

I am gonna go spend time with kids WHILE doing HW.

Later!

hey hurting

i'm just checking in

i'm sleeping better. how about you?

Hey Eve,

Just got done posting to you. Last night had a few nightmares about WH and OW doing the deed. I woke up in a cold sweat ... oh wait that could just be night sweats and menopause <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So last night wasn't as restful as the previous 2 nights but all in all it is much better than it was.

I did take a nap instead of doing much housework. I think my body is still trying to catch up on all the sleep I missed the last couple of weeks.

I don't remeber who posted it I think it was Cat.... I'm having alot of trouble keeping my mind of my WH even when I'm keeping busy he still is right there. I wish they had a pill for that.

Tonight going to a our towns HS hockey game... my DD boyfriend is playing goalie. It's a big game if they lose they are all done. I'm kind of hoping WH doesn't go... I really don't want to see him as much as I really want to see him. If that makes any sense.

Still

eav: I slept great last night, thanks to two tylenol PMs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Still:
It's quite a day for me...wanted to check in with you. $crew the housework (I am! Tomorrow, maybe).

Okay, as to your question about going to Plan B = giving the WH everything they ever wanted. I've probably answered it by now in a round about way on my thread. YES it absolutely feels like that. I KNOW he will be delighted that he no longer has to deal with me.

I even have a feeling that--once he reads it--WH will be eye-rolling when he reads the letter, "Yeah, right...she'll be TMing me by tomorrow."

The hope is, though, that's a temporary "high." Right? It takes some time for the WH to figure out that...gee..oh yeah...I guess my BS WAS sort of actually important in my life. (my WH would never think in terms of "ENs") Gee, now that she's not here, now that I can't count on her to take care of all this kid stuff, now that I actually have to pay support and the house payment, now that I realize that my parents WON'T EVER have RT as part of their lives, now that I'm going to be held hostage by RT to jump from the frying pan and into the fire, now that I'm going to have to raise HER kids and only see my own sweet boys every other weekend....eeewww...maybe this isn't quite so great, after all.

(see LS sitting back, gazing off into nowhere, fantasizing, little smile on her face imagining WH beginning to feel cornered)

It will take time...if it works at all.

I have ALSO felt that I wasn't giving the boys 100%. I was spending a lot of energy plotting my Plan A, leaving less for them. That was calculated, actually, because I figure that a couple of months of having less quality "mom-time" will be worth it if it ends up keeping their family intact.

I do look forward to that in Plan B...hanging out with the boys and enjoying them...not stressing. (fingers crossed)

And I know this is your thread...but let's not go there re: the WH/OW sex. The visuals I have in my mind thanks to the emails that busted the A wide open on d-day are quite enough, thank you.

"stomach to stomach, hip to hip, perfectly fit to one another" I will never never ever ever forget that.

You know what RT's name for WH is/was? Hot Cop Worker Man. Yes...she even set up his yahoo email account (see above d-day reference) and his address included HCWM. I could go on...there's more where that came from...stuff I've never posted. Yuck.

Sorry for the TJ off into Yuck-land. I get caught up in myself. bad bad memories.

I bought two movies yesterday at Blockbuster...In Good Company and Sideways. I've seen IGC...love the father/daughter dynamic, and Sideways was supposed to be really good.

Any good movie recommendations...fun, light, but not stoopid...and not too romance-y?

LilSis.

Not going to do to much housework although no one is here so it would be best. I'll just pick up a little.

Next week I'll be going through it too.... scared because I know I haven't had the best plan A. You can relate how hard it is to do once they are out of the house.

You're thoughts about what WH life will be like is going to be a kick into real life of D and shattered families. The same for my WH if they stay together...he will be spending more time with her children than her own. And from what I herar her DD is a handful... why wouldn't she be going through 3 guys in her short 7-8 years and now Uncle WH.
I wish I could say the same about my IL not accepting my WH wh**e into thier lifes... they will eventually because that's just the impression I get. Looking at his family now there is infidelity goign on and they still accept them. So I wish they were as strong as you're IL is that aspect.

The visuals are the worst. I was fortunate that I never had to see e-mails or TM... because the e-mails were probably done while they were working. And TM at least with our plan can't be retrieved. But believe me my imagination is working overtime on this. I really feel for you to have those words burned into your head... maybe whenever you think of it picture PIGS playing in slop. No offense to police officers please.

besides the visuals the other thing that sears my very soul is the hateful things he said to me.... I don't think I'll ever be able to forget them.

I'm not sure about any movies.... it seems they all have love etc in them. Maybe a good comedy.

LilSis you're going to do great.... I jsut feel it in my bones. Enjoy your movies and your dinner tonight.

I think I need to switch off the radio.... something about country music and love, heartbreak.....

Still

I could recommend *The Wedding Date*, now playing on HBO. It's actually a good woman-gets-revenge story (but funny at the same time.)

Others . . . I love really bad but drop-dead-funny stuff like the *Monty Python* films . . . you may be shocked but you *will* laugh out loud!

Have you watched *Star Wars* 4, 5 and 6 - you know, the original three - also now playing on HBO. Fun and light and not too romancey and you could watch them with your boys.

HBO has also been showing *Sense and Sensibility* and the Keira Knightly version of *Pride and Prejudice*. Both are lovely, and though they are romantic they are not sickeningly so.

Turner Classic Movies is showing *Robin Hood* with Errol Flynn a bit later today - now he's worth watching!

More later if I can think of any -
Mulan

Getting ready to wake my kids to go out for breakfast and the church.

Feeling a little mellow right now. I just about got my PBL all done... I haven't talked to WH in 3 days... just saw a glimpse of him last night at the hockey game. I think this is what withdrawel must feel like. Maybe this is just preparing me for Plan B.

I'm scared that I didn't get to plan A like I should of. And I know this week we may not have much contact. Although I am going to a CE meeting that we always attended this week. We always met up with friends from college. Not even sure if he is going or not. That may be my last chance to show him my changes.

Jumping in the shower....

Still

i felt the same way that you did as i thought about giving my H the plan B letter

heck, since plan B hasn't worked for me so far, for what I want.....which is to get my H back

sometimes i think it was a huge mistake and i wish that i han't given up the little bit of contact that i did have with him

for all i know, he and OW could be broken up and i'm out of his mind because i don't have any contact with him

i guess there is no way to know if it's the right thing to do unless it gives you what you hoped for

I guess I just need to journal my feelings a little.

Just got off the phone with WH... why does my heart skip a beat every time I hear his voice. Does that ever go away? He said to me I haven't heard from you in a while. I said I haven't heard from you either. Made some arrangements and then I said I really got to go, bye.

Saw OWH parents at church this morning... They asked how I was doing. I told them it's still very painful and I was hoping we could put our D on hold. His mom told me OWH doesn't talk about it at all with them and they don't push it. I told them I think of him quite often and hope he's doing okay.

So I don't even know if either of them have filed for D. Not that M means anything to the OW. If it did she wouldn't be sleeping with my H.

Still

Eav,

Didn't see this post when I posted my last post. I'm sooo angry right now. I am so tired of being made to feel everything is my fault. That I am responsible for keeping himup to date on everything.

Dontcha know it's my fault that he pulled down his pants to sleep with some wh**e who happens to be married to someone else. I was the one that made him meet her earlt in the am before work. The affair is all my fault and everyone should be over it. (slight vent here)

Iwas called to sit the bench for my DD indoor soccer game... wasn't even sure she was going to be ablr to make it at all because of rehearsal for the show next weekend. She did make it for first half. He shows up almost at the end of first half. She leaves at half time. He comes over and asks where she went. I told him .... I get the would of been nice to know so I wouldn't if driven all the way here. See my fault . He only had to drive 15 minutes! It was no problem this summer when you would meet your wh**e down the street so you could have sex at the boat landing. And your wh**e had her MIL bring the kids to daycare so she could leave early to go screwing around on her H. I was good I didn't let him engage me.

I'm really beginning to hate him. When is this man going to start taking responsibilty? When is he going to realise that HE is the one that turned OUR lifes upside down? I hate his sacarstic remarks... I'm tired and I don't need this anymore. Why do I want someone like that back in my life. He doesn't want to change... he doesn't think he needs to make any changes. He's been perfect our whole M according to him.

Eve,
Do we really want who they have become? I only want him back if he is willing to own up to HIS mistakes. I've owned up to mine several times over the past months.... never once did he own up to his own. I don't know if that's what your H is like.... but that is what my WH is right now and I don't want that.

He just makes me so mad... I want to cry.

Still

according to mimi

and maybe other BS

they DO own up to their mistakes when they become FWS

i guess ours aren't ready to yet