here is your letter with some suggestions that i have. Some people who read it may think that it's too long and may say that it will never get through to a WS. You have to decide for yourself what's important. Me? I decided to go with what Jennifer suggested and I included everything i wanted my dear H to know in case it was indeed my "last" love letter.

************

Dear M,

I have been writing this letter in my head for a long time...I'm trying to find a way to let you know how very much i love you.

I still smile when i think about how we met. We were studying in the library the night you come up to me to ask if I could help with some problems you were having with your "girl" back home. (I must give off an aura of being a match maker!) I tried to think of ways to help but i was really thiking about how handsome you were!

I had no idea you had made it all up just to find a way to talk to me. You must have been really determined to get to know me since you kept hanging around...but Sharon and I thought you only came around because we always had food! I was so surprised when asked me to a Celtics game that November. I had never been to a professional basketball game and i thought it would be so much fun to share that experience with you. Little did I know that that date would change the rest of my life.

We started spending all our free time together and I fell in love with you. In February I gave you something I had never given anyone else before. A gift that can never be given again. I was so happy that you had also waited until you were in love. That night we discovered intimacy together. I am still so proud that we were each other's firsts.

Our 5 years of college are years I will hold and cherish forever. Whenever I go to Boston all I can think of is this is where we fell in love. When we brought our oldest to college and walking around Kenmore Square, Fenway Park, Fanuel hall it brought back bittersweet memories. Memories of the fun we had there although we didn't have money. I remember celebrating one of our anniversaries at that fancy French restaurant where we spent almost 50 dollars and after the meal we went to MacDonalds because we were still hungry!

Our wedding day in October was one of the happiest days of my life. I remember being so scared until I saw you waiting for me at the front of the church. I looked at you and I realized that i had nothing to be afraid of because you were my best friend and I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you. I meant every word I said that day in front of our friends and family. That day we become one. You became the most important person in my life. You are still the most important person in my life.

I remember the fear we had when we first found out I came down with chicken pox in the first trimester of my first pregnancy. Then the joy we had when our beautiful baby girl was born with all her fingers and toes. Each of the births of our children were very special moments we shared. Thank-you for giving me our beautiful children, we have been blessed.

I want you to know that I have loved you through all of our marriage and I still love you. I am so sorry for my part in the problems we had. If I could go back in time I would erase all the times I made you feel I didn't love you. But I can't go back in time.... neither one of us can. The only thing we can do is look to the future and leave the past behind.

I want to look to our future together... one we always dreamed of. I believe that by working together we can have an even better marraige than before. I am hoping that you will give me the chance to give you the time, attention, and affection that you needed to be happy. I am here for you, if you should choose to begin again.

When I look at you I still see the man I love and cherish. I see a man that I was always proud to call my husband and father to my children. It hurts to see you and know I can't touch you or hug you. I miss your touch, I miss your laugh, I miss seeing the light in your eyes.

I do not want a divorce, but you have made it very clear that this is what you want. I still pray that you may change your mind and come back and make our family whole again. There is nothing that would make me happier. This is a ride I never wished to be on... one that I wish I could get off.

Beginning today I am going to start putting the pieces of my life back together. A new life instead of the one I had always hoped you would be a part of it. I have to move forward and begin to heal for the sake of myself and our children.

Everytime I see you or talk to you it hurts me so much because I want more from you than you are willing to give. So please, if you need to commuicate with me about our son or other important issues, instead of contacting me, send an e-mail to XXXXX and she will get the necessary information to me and send you my response.

I love you enough to let you go, and that is the hardest thing i've ever said. I know the road in front of me won't be easy., but I am getting stronger and will make it. I have the love of my children, family and friends. And maybe someday I may even find love again... I would love for that to be with you but realize that will not probably be the case.

Always know that you will always hold a big piece of my heart. I wish you the best and hope you find the happiness you are searching for. There is a song that Martina Mcbride sings now about how we can love someone with all our heart and they can chose to walk away ...love them anyway. I'm loving you anyway.

All my love,
Di

Eve.

I loved the letter... I will post either tomorroew ir the next day, I s=did add a few thing that I kind of borrowed from LilSis.

I do need to get out of this... my friend will pass on info but doesn't really want to be caught in the middle of this. I told her I would show her some stuff from here and let her decide.

So Imay not have an intermediatory.

Really pissed DS is at a friends instead of with WH and MOW isn;t home. What a caring dad who wants to spend time with DS. Such BS.

What's really sad Eve is my WH doesn'rt even seem to care.

Still

you're right, it's all so very sad

how does something that was once so good end up this way?

Eve,

I want happiness in my life.... don't think WH is even able to give anyone happiness.

I just want to be loved.

Still

i know still

me too

i'm tired of hurting and being lonely and wishing my H were here with me

i miss him

and i just want to be loved again

Eve,

Just posted on your thread also.

All I know is that I'm not getting any type of love from WH and I haven't in a long time. Right now I don't think this man is capable of love... and if he keeps going the way he is going he may never be capable.

My IC thinks he's going to bounce from relationship to relationship. I think she's right. He never got to do that when he was younger. I was his first real girlfriend. now he is 45 acting like he's 20. Isn't that a sad picture.

Monday I'm calling my attorney and IC to see if we can get having an intermediary (sp) semi legally. Although he did say he would stay away yesterday because it hurts me. So I don't think plan B will afffect him.

Have you heard of the secret? I'm wondering what's that all about.

Now all I'm doing is waiting for my books from the Harley's to come in. Need
to get going also my parents are coming up for DD dinner dance show.

I'll check in later.

Still

someone here did suggest that i read "the secret".

you can download it for a fee or they have a CD or book i believe

i saw it on Oprah

it believe "the secret" is all about positive thinking and seeing things in your life in a positive light....what you have instead of what you don't have....seeing the dificult times and losses in life as stepping stones to get you where you want to be

think good thoughts and feel good

unless i can use the book to beat my H over the head and drag his sorry a$$ home.....it's really not going to solve my problems

[quote]....All I know is that I'm not getting any type of love from WH and I haven't in a long time. Right now I don't think this man is capable of love... and if he keeps going the way he is going he may never be capable...../quote]

Still,

You shouldn't want ANY love from a WS.

1. It isn't real
2. It isn't sincere.

The one you s/b missing is the real H and parent.

Never miss the WS. They don't miss you and look at how he treats his own child.

Talk about guilt. That one will hit him hard one day. It will, not if just a matter of when.

JMHO, your letter can include how you miss and love your H but need to stay away from the toxic WS hence the reason for this plan B letter.

L.

Eve,

You made me laugh about the book and your use for it!!!!

Using his sister would be a big NO.... he barely talks to his family right now. He was actually upset that I talked to her about the show on Saturday. He doesn;t like the fact that his family still embraces me... my parent can barely look at him.

Didn't go well with my parents... my mom especially. Explain more later as getting ready for church and they'll be on thier way. Mom not happy at all with me about wanting to get back with him

Still

PS Orchid I'll respond after to your post.

Orchid,

I do want love from my H and the father of my kids. This man he is now is just a shell of a man. I'm really scared that what he says is true that he changed and the man I love is really gone.

He makes it very clear that he doesn't want me at all. Others got hugs from their WS before plan B. I barely got any of that. He barely lets me near him and really doesn't even look at me. That's what makes me feel this is so hopeless.

His mind is made up. He doesn't want me. He loves his kids and that's it.
He doesn't even like the fact that I talk to his family... they have been my family too for 22 years. I don't know if it's because he knows he'll never get that from my parents. Then sometimes I think if that may be holding him back.

I can barely look at my mom right now... things are very strained. The tone of her voice when his name is mentioned and even his family. I'm sorry my MIL and FIL didn't make him sleep with someone else. Because they are not reacting the way she thinks they should be acting. They are hurting too, I told her you don't think this hurts them. Her voice is just dripping with hatred and I can't handle that right now. She wonders why I don't call as often it's because she doesn't want to hear that I want him back. That I want to work on my M if I have the chance. Maybe what she's saying is true but it kills me to hear that coming out of her mouth. It's like he was never a good man at all. And he was a good man.

I know a lot of it has to do with how much he hurt me and that hurts them. I told her last night when I am ready to let go I will... I am not on her time table or any one elses. I'm dealing with this the best I can... then she said I should see a psychiatrist. That hurt. Just because I'm not healing on her time table...she has no idea the confusion I'm going through.

I probably already know the answer to this but I will throw it out anyway. How bout if I just had e-mail contact about bills and such until that's settled. It's kind of scary bringing someone else ito this. Has any one had some success doing this?

Silent you said you have contact this way because of difficulty finding an intermediary.

Still

still

i kept e-mail contact about the house and the dogs

i know others do this also

however, i wish i hadn't because it was ENOUGH for him.....he was okay just having this little bit of contact so it still met his need to have some of me in his life

and it gave him time to wean away from contact with me gradually...at his pace

it also made him feel like I was still there...when and if he wanted me

i wish i had just gone completely dark while he still wanted (needed?) "something" from me....no matter how little it was

I can't believe I just lost everything in cyber land....damn.

What I was I going to do was just have e-mail contact about kids and finances until settled then i want no contact with him. Only contact ne if you wish to talk about us and getting our relationship back and HO would have to be completely out.

Do you want me to post letter it's all handwritten waiting for the right moment to be given. It's pretty long though.

Still

Okay here's my Plan B letter with some stuff taken from others

Dear Michael,

Writing this letter is the most difficult thing I have ever done, but in doing so is my only hope of preserving my love for you and keeping my heart from breaking. What I would like to get across in this letter is how much I still love you. I remember studying in Emmanuels' Library one night our freshman year in college and this guy coming up to me to ask me how to help out with his "girl" back home. I must give off an aura of being a match maker... and I tried to tell him what to do for his girlfriend. Little did I know at this time it was all a ruse just to talk to me. This guy kept hanging around... Sharon and I thought it always happened whenever we ordered food. Then this guy asked me to a Celtics game that November. The only reason I went was because I had never been to a professional basketball game. Little did I know that that date would change the rest of my life.

Well we started spending all our free time together and I fell in love with you. In February I gave this guy something I had never given anyone else before. A gift that can never be given again. That night we learned intimacy. All our years together this was something that I was always so proud of that we were each others one and only. I remember you telling me you knew I was the one when you saw me walking across the parking lot.

We had our ups and downs during our 5 years of college...those are memories I will hold and cherish forever. Whenever I go to Boston all I can think of is this is where we fell in love. When we brought our oldest to college and walking around Kenmore Square, Fenway Park, Fanuel hall it brought back bittersweet memories. Memories of the fun we had there although we didn't have money. I remember celebrating one of our anniversaries at that fancy French restaurant in Brookline and we spent like 50 dollars and after the meal we went to MacDonalds because we were still hungry. I remember my first Christmas gift... Paddington Bear... I still have it. I had always hoped we would share our love story with our kids together.

Our wedding day back in October of 1984 was one of the happiest days of my life. I remember being so nervous until I saw you waiting for me at the front of the church. I meant every word I said that day in front of our friends and family and God. That day we become one. You became the most important person in my life, you become my husband. You are still the most important person in my life. I remember the fear we had when we first found out I came down with chicken pox in the first trimester of my pregnancy with Lauren. Then the joy we had when our beautiful baby girl was born with all her fingers and toes. Each of the births of our children Lauren, Danielle and Brian were very special moments we shared. Thank-you for giving me our beautiful children, we have been blessed.

I want you to know that I have loved you all through our marriage and I still love you. And I am so sorry for my contribution in the hard times. If I could go back in time I would erase all the times I made you feel I didn't love you. I can't go back in time, neither one of us can. The only thing we can do is look to the future and leave the past in the past. I want you to know that I am willing to leave recent events in the past... willing to work on our marriage. I believe that working together we could have a marriage we could only dream of. There is a way we could do this and I would like to share it with you. You know I have changed, you mentioned you have seen changes in me. I'm still working on those changes and I'm not always perfect.

When I look at you I still see glimpses of the man I love and cherish. I see a man that I was always proud to call my husband and father to my children. It hurts so much to see you, hear your voice and know I can't touch you or hug you. I miss your touch, I miss your laugh. The thing I miss the most is the light in your eyes is gone.

I want you in my life to share our children's successes.... not another man, I want you to dance with me at our daughters weddings... not another man, I want you with me when our grand children call for Memere and Pepere .... not another man, I want you to grow old with .. not another man. And most of all I want you to hold me and make love to me...not another man. Right now I cannot be your "friend" and I'm not sure I will ever be. I can only be your wife, in every sense of the word, in the way that I promised before you and God.

I do not want this divorce, but you have made it very clear this is what you want. I still pray that you may change your mind and come back and make our family whole again. There is nothing that would make me happier. This is a roller coaster ride I never wished to be on... one that I wish I could get off. Unfortunately that is not the case...Currently I'm still here if you ever want to reconcile. If that is ever a choice you decide to make Mark's wife Sienna would have to be completely out of the picture ...forever. I cannot accept any other woman in my marriage or relationship, there is only room in a marriage for 2 people.

I'm now going to put the pieces of my life together I had always thought that you would be a part of it. I have to move forward and begin to heal for the sake of myself and our children. My heart wishes to stop you from going down the path you are going down, to keep you from losing yourself, me and our kids but realize you are the only one that can do that. I still believe in you, in who you are , the heart and soul of the man I married. I will never believe that man is gone forever, goodness prevails.

It is heartbreaking to have contact with knowing that you are with Mark's wife. My heart is ripped out each time bringing me back to the day I discovered the affair...it is getting to difficult for me. I will never keep your children from you...but at this time I need to break off contact. Please only contact me with issues pertaining to our children or finances by e-mail until everything is cleared up. After that only contact me if you wish to talk about "us" and bringing our relationship back together and Sienna is completely out of the picture. I would love for you to come home... you know the way.

I don't want to do this but I love you enough " let you go". Please know that this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do... trying to untangle you from my heart. I know the road in front of me won't be easy., but I am going to get stronger and will make it. I have the love of my children, family and friends. And maybe someday I may even find love again... I would love for that to be with you but realize that may not be the case. Always know that you will always hold a big piece of my heart. I wish you the best and hope you find the happiness you are searching for. There is a song that Martina Mcbride sings now "Always" that says"you can love someone with all your heart for all the right reasons and in a moment they can choose to walk away ...love em anyway. I'm loving you anyway.

All my love,
Di

Just a bump would like some opinions...

Getting a little nervous because it's getting closer to the time to give him the letter.

Still

still

change the title of your thread to ask for advice on your plan B letter

that should send help your way

Thanks Eve.

I will

Still

Eve,

I forgot about changing thread name.

I should of printed your version before I wrote mine. I still haven't given it...I'm thinking of doing it Thursday.

Had many issues with DD in Germany today. Didn't think she could get under my skin all the way from Europe.... but she is very talented.

Still

With my first look, I would say to shorten the letter, condense the beginning. It's GREAT to remind him of what it was like falling in love. I wouldn't mention how much you DIDN'T love him during your M, just talk of your sincere apology for your part in the atmosphere of the M, prior to the A, and how you are open to working toward a brighter, fulfilling, happy future together---ONCE he drops OW and sets up NC, or whatever other conditions you have.

As I've heard many times, the wayward mind only has a minute attention span. Get bang for the buck here. Condense where you can. I wouldn't reference going back in time or what you would do if you COULD. I would reference something specific that was a problem in the M, and how you recognize that as PARTLY your responsibility, and how you are willing to improve that. Also, be more specific of conditions for his return home, such as, cutting off all contact with OW, and openness and honesty on ALL fronts, and a willingness to get help (if this is what you need)

Thanks Silent,

I will try that and post revision... good thing I bought plenty of pink paper.

I appreciate the comments.

Still

Here is some revisions. eve i used some of the things you recommended thanks

Dear Michael,

Writing this letter is the most difficult thing I have ever done, but in doing so is my only hope of preserving my love for you and keeping my heart from breaking. I'm trying to find a way to let you know how much I love you. I remember the first time we met in the library our freshman year, how you wanted my help for your girl back home. I must give off an aura of being a match maker... and I tried to tell him what to do for his girlfriend. Little did I know at this time it was all a ruse just to talk to me. I remember our first date was a Celtics game and at first the only reason I went was because I had never been to a professional basketball game before. Little did I realize that date would change the rest of my life.

Well we started spending all our free time together and I fell in love with you. In February I gave this guy something I had never given anyone else before. A gift that can never be given again. That night we learned intimacy. It still means so much to me that we were each others firsts. I remember you telling me you knew I was the one when you saw me walking across the parking lot.

Our 5 years of college are memories I will hold and cherish forever. Whenever I go to Boston all I can think of is this is where we fell in love. When we brought our oldest to college and walking around Kenmore Square, Fenway Park, Fanuel hall it brought back bittersweet memories. Memories of the fun we had there although we didn't have money. I remember celebrating one of our anniversaries at that fancy French restaurant in Brookline and we spent like 50 dollars and after the meal we went to MacDonalds because we were still hungry. I remember my first Christmas gift... Paddington Bear... I still have it. I had always hoped we would share our love story with our kids together.

Our wedding day back in October was one of the happiest days of my life. I remember being so nervous until I saw you waiting for me at the front of the church.I looked at you and realized that I had nothing to fear because you were my best friend. I meant every word I said that day in front of our friends and family and God. That day we become one. You became the most important person in my life, you become my husband. You are still the most important person in my life.

I remember the fear we had when we first found out I came down with chicken pox in the first trimester of my pregnancy with Lauren. Then the joy we had when our beautiful baby girl was born with all her fingers and toes. Each of the births of our children Lauren, Danielle and Brian were very special moments we shared. Thank-you for giving me our beautiful children, we have been blessed.

I want you to know that I have loved you all through our marriage and I still love you. And I am so sorry for my contribution in the hard times. If I could go back in time I would erase all the times I made you feel I didn't love you. I can't go back in time, neither one of us can. The only thing we can do is look to the future and leave the past in the past. I want you to know that I am willing to leave recent events in the past... willing to work on our marriage. I believe that working together we could have a marriage we could only dream of. There is a way we could do this and I would like to share it with you. I want to look to our future together... one we always dreamed of. You know I have changed, you mentioned you have seen changes in me. I'm still working on those changes and I'm not always perfect.

When I look at you I still see glimpses of the man I love and cherish. I see a man that I was always proud to call my husband and father to my children. It hurts so much to see you, hear your voice and know I can't touch you or hug you. I miss your touch, I miss your laugh. The thing I miss the most is the light in your eyes is gone.

I want you in my life to share our children's successes.... not another man, I want you to dance with me at our daughters weddings... not another man, I want you with me when our grand children call for Memere and Pepere .... not another man, I want you to grow old with .. not another man. And most of all I want you to hold me and make love to me...not another man. Right now I cannot be your "friend" and I'm not sure I will ever be. I can only be your wife, in every sense of the word, in the way that I promised before you and God.

I do not want this divorce, but you have made it very clear this is what you want. I still pray that you may change your mind and come back and make our family whole again. There is nothing that would make me happier. This is a roller coaster ride I never wished to be on... one that I wish I could get off. Unfortunately that is not the case...Currently I'm still here if you ever want to reconcile. If that is ever a choice you decide to make Mark's wife Sienna would have to be completely out of the picture ...forever. I cannot accept any other woman in my marriage or relationship, there is only room in a marriage for 2 people.

I'm now going to put the pieces of my life together I had always thought that you would be a part of it. I have to move forward and begin to heal for the sake of myself and our children. My heart wishes to stop you from going down the path you are going down, to keep you from losing yourself, me and our kids but realize you are the only one that can do that. I still believe in you, in who you are , the heart and soul of the man I married. I will never believe that man is gone forever, goodness prevails.

It is heartbreaking to have contact with knowing that you are with Mark's wife. My heart is ripped out each time bringing me back to the day I discovered the affair...it is getting to difficult for me. I will never keep your children from you...but at this time I need to break off contact. Please only contact me through e-mail with issues pertaining to our children or finances until everything is cleared up. After that only contact me if you wish to talk about "us" and working to bring our relationship back together and Sienna is completely out of the picture. I would love for you to come home... you know the way.

I don't want to do this but I love you enough " let you go". Please know that this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do... trying to untangle you from my heart. I know the road in front of me won't be easy., but I am going to get stronger and will make it. I have the love of my children, family and friends. And maybe someday I may even find love again... I would love for that to be with you but realize that may not be the case. Always know that you will always hold a big piece of my heart. I wish you the best and hope you find the happiness you are searching for. There is a song that Martina Mcbride sings now "Always" that says"you can love someone with all your heart for all the right reasons and in a moment they can choose to walk away ...love em anyway. I'm loving you anyway.

All my love,
Di