i just can't think of him as anything other than my H

About wedding rings, and "giving it back to him"... i will repeat what Steve Harley told me.
His advice on the subject was:

If you still value your spouse, and your marriage... and wish to keep it... then he suggests that you hang on to your ring, and even specifically wear it.
(at least, for as long as you are still married)

'cause that's what married people do.

i agree techie

he's my H and i still honor my vows that I made to him

i'm married

i guess he's not though because he took his ring off when he pulled out off the driveway the day he left

for all i know, he threw it out the window

Thanks Techie,

I don't think I will give him my wedding ring back... it did mean someting to both of us at one time. Although it means very little to him now. I was just blowing off steam, because if I did do that I know I would regret it.

Eve,

I still think of him as my H and still refer to him as such also <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Still

Why does the sound of his voice alway make my heart go pitter patter??

He's always had that effect on me. He's got his deep voice ...he could be on radio.

Talked to him a few minutes about things he noticed around the house. The fence around the pool looks broken. I'll have to check it out in the am. He also checked the hot tub. It's nice he did that for me. Iwasn't here when he picked up DS went to the Alanon meeting.

Still

Feeling a little empty this morning.

Not sure if it was because I talked to him last night or what.

Also couldn't really sleep again.

Well that's my whining and now I'm going out to have a great day at work.

Still

{{Still}}

I wear my rings 24/7. I used to take them off at night, but now I leave them on all of the time because I am still married.

WS does not wear his. He lost his band last summer. I bought him a new one as a surprise for our anniversary in August. He barely wore it. In counseling, he said he didn't wear it because it didn't fit,,,, but that he didn't want to tell me that because it would hurt my feelings. BULLS**T! He didn't wear it because he was already on his way out the door!

It hurts to see them not wearing their rings. Mine even bought himself a right hand ring that he wears. Could he make it any MORE obvious to me and others that he is working hard to LOOK single?? Lord knows he acts like he is! Sorry for the rant!!


It is draining at times after an interaction with them,
isn't it? It doesn't matter if it is a "good" or "bad" interaction either.

Is there anything you can think of that has helped you re-charge your batteries? You need something to help get your strength back. What makes you feel like a Goddess??

I am certainly no expert, but it sounds to me like you are at the point of needing to Plan B. I am concerned that you are no longer caring for yourself as you need to. Your Love Bank is so drained, it's no wonder.

Think about what exactly you want your Plan to be - - write down the details - - revise - let it sit for a while, then go back to it again in a few days. Keep doing that until you have a plan that will work for you so that you are ready.

ASK for help around here,,,, lots of good input!

Take care of yourself. Have you talked to your doc about getting something to help you sleep?

Hey Bugs,

I know I need to be in Plan B.... but it's like I don't want to see him then I do.

It's coming the last few conversations with WH have been ok. I just miss my H.

I do have something for sleep... just it really doesn't seem to help. I'll use it tomorrow night because tonight I'm on call.

I think I might make it an early night tonight.

Still

Still,

Honey I DO understand just how Hard it is!

So many of us are right there with you. I wish I could ease your pain. I can't as much as I would like to. But, I can remind you, as many remind me when I need it (in other words daily) that the voice you hear on the phone is NOT H- it is WS

By continuing down this path, you choose to expose yourself to the pain. I am coming to understand that is part of the deal in Plan A - but it is what eventually goes away with a true Plan B.

It is Your choice. You have to remind yourself that you CAN be in control

Do you have to like the circumstances? Heck no! But with understanding your scope of control, you can survive and feel less pain someday

Get some rest if u can.

I am in the tub soaking before an early night myself.

Bugs,

Did get a couple of hours sleep... woke up remembering a comment my WH said when he picked up DS tonight. Not even a biggie. He asked if he could use my bathroom. This is our house. It cut when he said it. DD told him no.

My bathroom.. like I'm some stranger. Why is that causing me to cry tonight now? Boy I can't believe this, I'm losing it tonight.

I just want to give up at times. I'm not going too.This to shall pass. Just need to get through it.

It's just so quiet and lonely. I hate the lonliness, does that go away in plan B?

Still

Yes Still, it does get better. In fact many a BS wonder why they waited so long. Til then, u w/b sad and lonely.

All the more reason to keep yourself busy. So let me ask you, what do you like t/d? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Still,

I have done exactly what you did - - thought back to some little thing WS said that just CUT right thru my heart. There are SO many things he's said like that and if I LET myself go there the pain is Overwhelming.

I have been told time and time again. DO NOT LISTEN to it! But, even more than that, don't let it continue to rattle around and around in your head continuing to cause you pain.

It is SO HARD to do! It's a constant struggle, espcially when you are down.

So, to pick up on Orchid's question -

What do you like to do?

What is something you have always wanted to TRY but didn't because you didn't have time?

You GOTTA get up and GET busy!

Look at yourself! Stop thinking of yourself only as a BS. You are an AMAZING, VIBRANT woman!!

Come on Girl!

Bugs, Orchid,

Went back to bed and slept a couple more hours... thank-you Xanax. I'm stressing because my attorney bill came in last night. Retainor is gone...boy this is going to be expensive.

The comment was such a little thing... but just one more dig that we're not together anymore. I wonder does he do this on purpose or just not thinking?

Then this mornig went to go out and run errands just out of my driveway and my back tire is pratically falling off the rim. I call him because that's who I have called for the last 20 plus years. Not much he could do he is 1 plus away for work today. And I broke down.. hard to tell if he was concerned at all. Why does he hate me so much? I mean he gives more empathy to strangers. I'm his wife the mother of his kids.

I'm trying to figure out what I like to do... it's sad because so much of my life was wrapped up with things we liked to do together. I like to be with him. I know Iknow not an option.

The thing is right now finances are pretty tight so I need to figure things out I can do that don't cost much. I like to go out with friends... and I do do that. But that doesn't help the during the days when I'm off work.

I always wanted to do line dancing or ballroom dancing.. I love to dance. I'll look into that later today. It's better with a partner but...

And when the snow finally melts I want to get back into planting flowers in my yard.

I love the ocean... that's always brought me peace. Just watching the waves crash against the rocks. I could walk the beach for hours, the waves going over my toes.

I used to like to hike... again something I need to wait till better weather. Not into ice climbing.

So many of the things I have put to the back the last 5 years trying to save my M.

Is it being selfish to want to do this with my partner? We enjoyed going to sporting events. And I still like that but it is more fun with someone that knows what is going on.

I love to travel and window shop.

Thanks guys for getting me thinking.... I'm being lifted a little already. I guess there is alot of things to do beside wanting to go back to bed and pulling the covers over my head <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I also like s*x as an activity <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Still

I just thought of something else that I love to do.... rock babies. If there was a larger hospital around I could rock little babies all day.

Still

Sill,

I was glad after readig about your call to WS that you didn't focus on that for your whole post! GREAT JOB!

Lots of good ideas you have and lots you enjoy. So, what can you do NOW on those days off.

How about working on a PLAN for your flowers/yard/garden? Get some great gardening books,,, wander around some area plant nurseries, put down on paper what you are going to plant and where it will go. Plan a Serenity Garden area just for YOU.

Call some of those friends the next day the weather is good & take a HIKE.

Plan a DAY drive in your area to go to a historic area or somewhere new to do some window shopping. Make it last all day.

Glad you are sounding better!!

Bugs,

Thanks... for someone so young you are very wise. And give the aura of having it all together. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

It is inspiring to see so many strong people on this forum and know they are going through the same thing. I'm feeling some of it rubbing off on me.

I think I'm going to force myself to go to the gym.... have to push myself to go then I feel much better after.

Then I'm going to Walmart and get me that perfume MIMi mentioned on your thread. Then I need to bring what's left of my tire to the tire man <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Still

Still,

You crack me up!! Someone so young?? Geez,,, coming from such an "old lady" like you that means a lot!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ahh the Aura - - - Love giving off that Aura! It ain't really true a lot of the time, but if I can ACT like it is enough then it CAN be true a little more often! Thanks for the compliments,,, really!

Have a GREAT workout! You will feel better after it's over.

Get the perfume, spray it on, and WOW the Tire man when you go to see him!

Later!

Da*m didn't make it to the gym... there is always tomorrow. Nor did I make it to Walmart will do that later this afternoon. So couldn't give the tire guy a wiff of Vanilla Musk... he's married anyway and older than me.

Good news is they fixed my tire and I didn't have to buy a new one. But had to rush back home cause DD16 was at home with BF after school with no one else home.

Will check in later.

Still

Yes, yes, the Gym is always there, but last on MY list for sure!

Same thing for Walmart,,,,it's always there!

GREAT news on the tire!

I'd rush home, too if my DD16 was home alone with BF after school! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm sure she's a great girl,,,, but they ARE teenagers first and foremnost! Hormones outta control!

Keep Smilin- - - I'm off to IC. Will try to ck in later, too.

Yes definately hormones out of control. Boy sometimes I envy that young in love feeling.

They are great kids... but things are so different then when I was growing up.. I don't think I even really kissed my WH in front of my parents until my wedding day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> (only kidding)

Still