This is my first time posting, so forgive me for not knowing all of the acromyms.
My husband and I have been married for 7 1/2 years, with a 2 year old. I just found out that he's had an emotional affair with someone from work. They've been friends for a few years, but the last month it's been more. (He's not very good at hiding it) I'm so devistated. We separated for 4 days because that was a boundarie that was set in a previous occasion. Monday we stared counseling and I asked him to come home. I felt like we were both on the same page and totally commited to making this work. Last night the other woman texted him and when I asked him to tell her that they can't be friends, he had a really hard time with it. We got in a huge fight. He said he wanted to end it on his terms not mine. Today, I understand how horribly I handled that whole situation, but I am SO hurt! I am a woman and I let my emotions control me sometimes. He's been very honest with me this whole week, but sometimes what he tells me is so upseting, that I end up pushing him away. He said he needs to do some soul searching. That when things are great at home, he "knows" he wants to be with me, but if things are stressful or if I'm a basketcase over this, that "other life" seems really appealing. Sure, it's not reality. So, I think that from what I've read from the website, what I need to do is just relax, be supportive and work on myself. We're supposed to go on a date tonight, and I'm determined just to have fun, and not talk about our relationship. I feel like I need to "prove to him that he wants to be with me, but I don't know if that's bad or good. I wish he would just tell me if he wanted to stay, yes or no, not have any issues either way. He's saying he wants to be with me and our daughter, but he's so confused about these other feelings. I've also read that they go through a tough time when things are broken off, like a short depression. Is that true? Is that what we're going through? I feel like I sound so rediculous, and needy. If you knew me you'd know how extrememly independent I am. I just want my marriage to work, I love my husband dearly.

Please help. Any advice or encouraging words would be so helpful.

Hurting - I am so sorry about your situation. You have found the right place to come for help.

Repost your story just as it is on the General Questions II forum as soon as possible. There is far more traffic there and you will get a lot of response from the real experts.

I am sorry to tell you this, but the affair is far from over. You must work relentlessly to kill the affair by any and all means. The things he is telling you right now is classic WS fog talk. In a few days here you will understand that.

Is the OW married? You need to find out and if she is married expose the A to her husband as soon as possible. Does he have family that will ally with you and your daughter? Tell them. It will probably become necessary to expose the affair at their place of work as well.

Read everything you can on this site. Learn the concept of Plan A, exposure and the fulfillment of emotional needs.

Repost at GQII as soon as possible. You have friends here.

Ok, I just posted it on the other forum as well. Thanks for your input. I have exposed the affair to his family, as well as mine and my closest friends. I'm not worried about protecting him, I learned that this past year. I do have his families support, which makes him feel like he has no one.

Also, what do I do to kill the affair?