well, more triggers abound....the hits just keep coming.

I worked fri overnights then slept until 3pm sat...went to my moms to pick up the kids(yay for not having to see WS)
and DS8 told me how much fun they had at OP's house friday night and he played with her dog. I felt like I was punched in the stomach...so so sick of feeling that feeling !!!!

I am absolutely drained......one week she is sleeping in my bed, telling everyone she's got a plan for winning me back, and the next she is playing house with OP and my kids....yes, I know what you will say typical foggy behavior...but it still astonishes me!!!!

also, she is messing with DS8's head, telling him we may be able to vacation together in the summer.... how do I handle this???? I want to be truthful to him...until she gets her act together she is not to be around me...how do I explain plan B to my son and not let him get his hopes up. he is really upset about WS not coming to the beach with us.

why does everything have to be so darn messy...the more DS8 knows, the more involved he wants to be...he has a natural instinct to tend and fix, and I cannot suppress that. how do I encourage him, yet remove him from the middle of this situation...I don't want him to assume responsibility for this mess.

the darkness is not helping me this week. the darn light keeps peeking in, even as I shut my eyes tightly, i can still see it......grrrrrr

I don't really know WHAT to advise about this particular sitch. I think stressing to the WS that the children are currently under enough pressure, and inviting NEW people into their lives can confuse and cause emotional distress for THEM.

Not letting WS have overnights in the presence of OP, etc. If this is causing distress to the children, it needs to be seriously managed.

Had the two of you agreed on care for the children? If not, it may be time to set up serious parameters, or get an attorney to help you file for FULL custody.

Wow. That's awful, FB. I'm angry for you. I'm not sure what to tell you--I have my own questions about talking to the kids. I did basically explain plan B to my DS7, at least so that he would understand why I'm not talking to WW. I would be inclined to say something like "Yes, it will be great if we can vacation together, but so long as WW is hurting me by seeing OP, it can't happen" or something like that. I don't know, though. I'll be interested to see what other opinions you get.

ok...I am thinking...and thinking that its time to tell DS* the truth....I am so scared that he will take it the wrong way...I don't want him to feel deserted by WS...but then again, I bet he already does.

I am a blank...every time I think of something to say I hear his response and I am afraid I wont be able to answer

example:
me: "DS8, mommy has been acting in a way that hurts our family"
ds8 "what did she do?"
me "she chose to move out and leave this house that is our home, thats hurts me and I bet it hurts you and your brother and sister too"
DS8 "why did she do that?"
Me....blank...I can't tell him...I don't know what to say...do I say she is confused about loving me?? do I say she is in love with another woman.....at this point he does not have any details....he thinks that OP is mommy's friend....I don't know where to go from there.

maybe I could say "OP wants to be more than a friend to mommy....she wants to be what I used to be for mommy...like a wife and that makes mommy confused"
what mommy and OP are doing is wrong, and that is hurting this family and as your mom, I need to protect you from people that would hurt you. that is why I am not willing to spend time with mommy until she can do better at being a good mommy and a good member of this family"

how does that sound....ugh...I think I may vommit...maybe I should wait and talk about it with his counselor, so I can have some support.

venomous email from WS...........in response to an email from me stating that exposure of kids to OP was inappropriate and I expected that to stop...also, I asked WS to find a time to meet with me and a mediator to finalize the LSA legally.
no response right......its so hard.



I think my [censored] WS doesn't like conditions for reconciliation.....hows that reality slapping in the face???

Stop engaging her. Ignore the email. Anyone in their right mind would know that it is inappropriate to introduce their children to their lover.

Don't let the inmate run the asylum.

you shouldn't have read that e-mail if you are in plan B

your intermediary should have only let you know something general about it

If you can get an LSA with an attorney THEN DO IT!!! Have it stipulate that the use of the house is for you and the children, and that it will be treated as your abode. You can have it say that the equity in the home will be split upon SALE OF THE HOME.

You need some REAL SOLID legal help here. Don't read too much into what she is saying. This separation is devastating for your children, whether they can tell you OR NOT. Your WS is a bad parent right now. You do ALL that you can to protect them. You are doing the right thing. Without an intermediary, these interactions will drain you. I think that you should take care of things from a legal standpoint, and SHUT OUT the WS.

It's Fogtalk. She's hurting, so she wants you to hurt, too. Ignore the content and try not to let the venom hurt you. ABSOLUTELY don't respond.

Did you change the locks yet? If she won't get a lawyer for the LSA, then she is unlikely to do anything about access to the house (other than get really angry).

Do you have an intermediary for emails? If not, can you get one?

You've got a lot going on right now. Trying to talk to your son on top of all the rest of the insanity may be too much--you need to stay strong and hold things together. Your WW certainly isn't.

When you're ready, I would consider something like Two people love each other and make a commitment for life. But WW got confused. She has decided she loves OP (or at least sometimes she thinks she does), and that's not fair to me. It hurts me very much, so until she decides not to see OP anymore, I can't see WW. It just hurts too much.

Reference exposing to your son: here is a thread relaying Dr. Harley's advice on exposing infidelity to one's children.

[color:"red"]Dr. Harley's Advice On Exposure[/color]


Second, your WW is threatening actions you presumably can't accept. As a part of your Plan B, have you sought the advice of an attorney? If you haven't, do it today. Your child deserves protection.

What's going on, FB?

Yo . . . FB . . . we need an update.

whew....took me about a week...maybe more to get back to my own thread....thanks for checking in.

been pretty boring this week...as you all know when the drama dies down...

have had to cut my intermediates loose....they just have too much alliance to WS...point is..."they are trying to help both of us" (she said in a small squeaky pathetic voice) they are not pro-M they are pro "whatever WS wants" and I just can't live there anymore...

have taken to just email and infreq phone contact (fb is ducking really low to avoid all the 2x4's and potted plants...and sundries flying by)

I know, I know...but honestly it is better than dealing with intermediaries and all the drama they stir up.. I have had no social calls, only one or two TM's about kids pick up and drop off.......and I guess I feel like I am on top of this plan they call BEE...finally...how long did it take???

I dunno sometime in feb/maybe march....thing is....I really don't have anything to say to WS.

I am really angry at WS this week because I have had a real time with all the kids: activities...science project...ccd....reading my DS8 books about D and answering all his ??'s and this is the week DS8 choses to start to ask about the birds and the bees...whew...never mind that my story will differ a bit....anyway, just angry...I am parenting all on my own...WS is of stuffing face with all things selfish!!! that made no sense!! who cares its about a wayward, shouldn't make much sense!!!

FB,

I know how you feel about the aprenting thing. I'm the one that handles just about everything. WH breezes in picks up DS and breezes out.

I do laundry, usaully feed DS before he's picked up. Make sure homeowrk is done or being done. Worry how DS is going to get home after school when I work.

Then everything with DD.

While he get's to play disney dad. And play with his ho.

Can you tell I'm feeling angry and a little down today.

Still

still....gotcha...

a bit about the parenting thing though, I think I do everything now, but I did everything before A, and before WS jumped ship...

so, I ask myself...why so mad? things are the same....my MIL is a great help, she has the kids when I am at work and she is like my co-parent...sometimes i get so angry at her...not really AT her but TO her, because she is doing WS's job. she is helping me and I love her for it. she needs to be needed too so it makes her feel good.

but that help she is giving, that job belongs to WS...and she is not doing it, come to think of it...she never really did, maybe thats why I am so, so angry...for the current sitch, and also the past.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I did MOST everything prior to my WH leaving, but my son didn't stop aging or needing. Now, you are left holding the bag for EVERYTHING, PLUS the great pleasure of your own withdrawal and fog to deal with and depression and anger. It's no wonder that I'm exhausted...

Yup I did most of it to.

But when he was still here he would be able to help out some or offer some emotional support. Maybe even a hug or something.

Now there is no one.

Still

You ladies amaze me! Everyday, you amaze me.

Strength, courage, character, heart.

fb-I just had to tell my 8yo about the birds & bees too. Right after I told her the most difficult part ("insertion," shall we say), she said in a very serious voice - "Oh, I don't think my husband will be up to doing that." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I have discussed homosexuality with her on a limited basis since then as well - because up 'til now she has heard the word 'gay' in a pejorative sense a lot (recess, kids calling other kids 'gay'), and I feel the need to counteract that.

I am glad that we have started this discussion relatively early - it has opened the dialogue and gives her the opportunity to learn things gradually over time.

fiatflux...LMAO

my son still does well with the basics...sperm and egg stuff...haven't had to go with the gory details seeing as "we needed help from a doctor" pretty much sums it up on the part of an obvious absent male.

its nice to see you discussing alternative lifestyles, many parents are just really afraid of the topic...I find our family is really opening up eyes here in Cow Hampshire.

I had another very busy day yesterday on account of all the snow leaving us without power. took the kids to the mall, bought them books at their fav store. then to the movies and to dinner...karate and baths then to bed...I hit the deck at 9pm and couldn't lift my head off the pillow.

was nice to spend quality time and kept my idle mind off WS for a bit. then a trigger of anemail about WS's weekend away....supposedly with school friends (OP)...trying not to fish for more details....was told she would get me "contact info" for emergency. I know turtle will be there....makes me sick!!