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plan B has been pretty boring. Perfect!! staying out of the line of fire. "Exxxxxcellent" - Mr. Burns But I am really getting to know myself. My needs. My wants. My life. I am taking hold with both hands. Doing a lot of learning. Growing. Feeling really good for the first time in a long time. Good about me, my life, my choices. No longer controlled by the whims of WS. The desires of WS. The instructions of WS. WS…WS…WS… I was saturated. Now I am freed. Whew!!!! A Good Plan B!!
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
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I remember a time when you were so enmeshed with your WS that every day was drama. Ain't is grand to be free of that?!
Me-BS-38 Married 1997; son, 8yo Divorced April 2009
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OP
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 484 |
sl and chris..........thanks for the support.
yes indeed its great to be freed. how on earth did I live like that? dunno.
the stronger I get the stronger I want to be. living my life is empowering me right now. I have very little emotion left for WS. as you said in the bees thread SL. there is really no need for tissues anymore. just wish I could have gotten here a bit sooner. I guess we each have to learn for ourselves all in good time.
I will chock it up to "time served" no more prison cell, no more bread and water, no more chains and bars, no more wallowing (I am particularly excited about losing this one!) I am a fan of black and white, but the stripes never suited me.
and on to the party that we call life. I have been really out there LIVING my life, finally. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
an old and dear friend took me out for sushi(my first time) i thought i started out pretty strong with some kind of lima bean appetizer and then we started with a seaweed salad. well, I pretty much almost lost my lunch at the table, had to run to the ladies room PDQ! then i was wrecked and unable to consume the mounds of tuna rolls, crab 'sumthin or other' and california rolls that we had ordered. I also watched her eat raw octopus. yuck! lets just say that I was queasy for about 24hrs. I am such a light weight plain jane type eater. I would never have tried that before. now, "bring it on!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
my friend felt soooo bad, but I didn't. I am really living life, experiencing new things. breaking boundaries I was too afraid of, or too sheltered from by WS. I am psyched that I almost threw up in the bathroom at that restaurant. it was an experience!! to say the least:) and one that I wont easily forget. time to start making new memories!<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Fightingback
BS (me) 36
WS 39
3 kids 3,4,8
together 15yrs
EA 9/06, PA 10/06
12/07 plan A
1/13/07 WS moves out
1/27/07 1st attempt plan B
2/20/07 REAL plan B
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,819
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Good for you, FB. I had been assuming that your Plan B was boring (i.e., going well) and that that's why we hadn't heard much from you. Thanks for checking in, though--I've been thinking about you.
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Joined: Nov 2006
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OP
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Posts: 484 |
hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
thought i should try to update...... some flashes of light from plan B......ever so blinding actually.
lots of hinting around about breakup with OP. then some talk about OP2.........yup I hear shes dating...I think this was to scare me....because I am not allowing her to break through my boundaries...so i'm supposed to open my arms because she found another HO??? wheres the logic?
I opened up long enough to have a phone conversation with WS. in a nut shell she said "just tell me what you want me to do and i'll do it, I'll do anything to get you back." duh...how many PBL's does she need...does she know how to read. i am so sick of the talk....no action...no action....no action.....chicken little!!!!
I swear I have been growing and changing so much and the fog talk is IDENTICAL to what it was months ago./ she wants me to do it all and she wants to hop on and enjoy the ride. well, i've got news for her. its not happening. I am so tired of taking care of her every need. i am finished taking responsibility for her actions...her feelings...her problems. I've got enough of mine own!!!!
I have very little faith in her opening her eyes and seeing that shes got issues and doing anything about fixin them. I am ok with it. I'm starting to plan my life without her. its highly unlikely she will ever get her sheet together. and with my new healthy boundaries...I am like bug repellant. someone that narcissistic has no desire to be around one with healthy boundaries.
she told a friend that she was ready to win me back....and would be moved back into our house by the weekend. hmmm thats interesting. she called me twice a day for a week and left voicemails like "give us a chance, please" and then sent flowers once. I was waiting...waiting....for a little action...something real...then I heard she had a date. so much for doing everything in her power....weak attempt...in my eyes....so not enough!!
its all good....I'm growing...changing...happier than I've been in a long time....no longer holding the torch...the flame's out....Im good with it!
Fightingback
BS (me) 36
WS 39
3 kids 3,4,8
together 15yrs
EA 9/06, PA 10/06
12/07 plan A
1/13/07 WS moves out
1/27/07 1st attempt plan B
2/20/07 REAL plan B
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
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Posts: 5,871 |
Nope, wayward as ever she is. What a WSFB (wayward [censored] for brains).
YOu sound great, though! So proud of you FINALLY embracing a darker Plan B. Cutting through all of that mesh you had holding you two together. You've allowed her stuff to be hers, and have taken on the task of you. Good!
She's SAYING things but not SHOWING you those things--HER mind and heart are not in sync.
Good for you FB, good for you...
Me-BS-38 Married 1997; son, 8yo Divorced April 2009
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