amen Noodle

That was no rant. That was the absolute truth.
Mulan

Noodle,

I don't agree with the notion that they ALL don't enforce the laws already on the books because they themselves think adultery is ok or want to do it. Most don't give it a thought until it actually happens to them.

The simple matter is the cases are extrememly difficult to prosecute. By the time they charge the people and go through all the pretrial motions, affidavits, examinations, and sitting and waiting for the court docket to open up for a difficult trial with a significant factual burden. The offended spouse, more often than not, wants to recant and will no longer cooperate with the prosecution.

MOST marriage survive infidelity. Which means most prosecutions would fail absent willing witness. Remember, a spouse does not have to testify against his/her spouse. So the prosecutors office is stuck.

They abhor civil relationship disputes because of this. NOT because they themselves are or want freedom to have civil disputes with their own spouses.

This problem is also why it is difficult to prosecute for spousal abuse, spousal harrasment, spousal anything.

At the end of the day, Prosecutors desire to accomplish something....anything. The fruits of their labors ARE convictions. They enjoy actually the actual trial and seeing a matter resolved in the states favor. These cases rarely provide such satisfaction.

I agree that our elected officials need to be more aware of the subject and figure ways to do what they can. Waywards are crazy. They could keep themselves VERY busy just going after all the false claims filed by waywards....with vigor.

Mr. Wondering

Dubbya,

I agree that it's *tricky*.

And yet, people DO go to jail or receive civil penalties for things like domestic abuse, assault etc.

No less tricky...just as much room for corruption and hearsay and I'm sure that it does make it messy.

The issue is nonconsensual sex and breach of contract.

My position is..we could if we wanted to.

If we really wanted to and recognized it as a viable threat to society or crime..we COULD find a way to make it happen just like we do in every other crime that actually makes it to court regardless of how tricky it is to sort out the details.

At the very least, "gross marital misconduct/neglect" can and should be a factor in divorce and custody cases. And sex would not have to be proven - just ignoring and neglecting one's own spouse and family to be in the social company of other individuals instead should be more than enough.
Mulan

Amen to that!! I totally agree!

I agree with Mr. W that these guys are doing their jobs...and many (most?) dont have adultery in their own lives (as in they being the WS).

But I also know that we have treated adultery (and divorce) very flippantly in this society. Just like we used to treat spousal abuse. You know the old jokes "Well, she got a little smart alecky with me, so I back handed her." Just saying that today would put you under investigation.

We have to stimatize adultery...and divorce. We got to get back to (figuratively) the days of the big red "A" on the shirt. We have to get back to the court NOT granting divorce EXCEPT in cases where there is cause (adultery, abuse, abandonment).

I mean...I have never heard of a divorce where it was nobody's fault????? But we have no fault divorces!!

Time to make sense of this stuff by making it as serious as it actually is. How that looks can be debated. That we need to do it is beyond debate!

Oh...and giving your spouse an STD should be on the same level as physical spouse abuse.

Giving them something that can kill them like Aids?? How about murder???

And imagine how passionate you would feel about this, noodle, if you went off the deep end and actually had to spend two nights in jail courtesy of the OW....like me.

The waywards are crack addicts--we all say that....but until you become acquainted with a wayward, HEAR the absolute CRAP that comes out of his/her mouth, SEE the pain in the eyes of the children who are abandoned.... I don't think people believe that A is an addiction, one that leaves a path of destruction and pain in its wake. It is as big a threat to society as drugs...but do we have an adultery czar? Do we have PSAs telling potential waywards to "just say no?" Do we have billboards with sad pictures of children moving out of their homes and being shuffled from house to house?

Like I said yesterday...people get all up in arms about same sex marriage. I don't think we as a society have any right to tell gay couples that they are not allowed to make a legal committment to one another when we could apparently (as a society) care less about the destruction of traditional marriages due to adultery. It's such a joke. So I agree with noodle...our elected officials can not deal with this issue with any degree of credibility.

I also agree with Mr. W et al, that jail shouldn't be the punishment. It simply is not practical. But in cases of divorce due to adultery, PARTICULARLY when the adulterous spouse initiates the divorce, refuses counseling, etc. there should be harsh consequences that favor the BS. It should be PAINFUL TO BE AN ADULTERER.

Clearly, having penalties on the books doesn't deter unlawful behavior (how many of you exceeded the speed limit today?). HOWEVER, some STIFF, ENFORCEABLE penalties...be it civil, or even criminal, would deter A LOT of people. It would have detered my WH...he's a cop and would lose his job if he committed a felony (which apparently he did since we live in MI...).

Perhaps the REALITY of a potential consequence would prevent someone from getting addicted in the first place. Think about it like smoking pot. Some people do it even though it's against the law...probably a LOT more people WOULD do it if there were no laws against it. You wouldn't want to risk your reputation or your livelihood just to get high. At least you think LONG AND HARD before you cross that line.

Bottom line (and I'm sure this is touches me so personally): I can tell you that the slap I gave to RT hurt a he11 of a lot less than the emotional injury she inflicted on me and my children (with WH's help, of course). And I'm the one who ended up in jail.

Justice? There's no such thing.