Yes. You will NEVER get her back with the way you are doing things. Why?

SHE views you as a "stalker". You fail to understand how much of a turnoff that is to any man or woman. You need to face that as a FACT. Her perception of you is that you won't leave her alone and that you are obsessed with her.(I tend to agree with her after studying your situation.)

You call her at 8:00,9:00, 10:00 pm(and leave messages each time?) and then do a drive by? You then do a drive by the next morning and call again at 8:15 am?

Say what you want about being worried about the "girls", but this is stalkish type behavior. You are lying to yourself and to her by using the kids as your excuse to use this type of behavior. It is TOO MUCH. It IS A TURNOFF TO YOUR WS. She has told you this in so many words, but you are NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO HER MESSAGE.

(yes, I have kids of my own)


What should you do?

1) BACK OFF. If you want to say good night to the girls, then CALL ONCE, leave a HAPPY message of good night and hope all is well, and then LET IT GO.

James Dobson says it well in his excellent book "Love Must Be Tough"
"Very few women are attracted to sniveling men who craw, who bribe, who whine and make donkeys of themselves in view of the whole world". Tell me, who wants to be marry an unambitious weirdo who grovels in the dirt like a whipped puppy? Goodbye,romance!"

You SHOULD have called ONLY ONCE at best. Left a message or hung up and then LEFT HER ALONE. Instead you look like the man making a donkey of himself in front of the whole world.
You will NEVER get her back with the track you seem to be on. You are using your children as YOUR excuse to call all the time, stop by her work (another no no) and on and on and on. This is PRESSURE. PRESSURE DOES NOT WORK TO BRING BACK A WS. Pressure of any kind does not work. The TINIEST bit of pressure does not work. You are pressuring her regarding the children. She views you as controlling. (has she ever said that to you?)She views you as stalking.(Has she ever said that to you?)

Not all things the WS says is fog. Beware of falling into this trap that some on here use as an excuse to believe nothing the WS says. Sometimes what the WS actually is saying is what they have been saying for a long time. I think this is one case where you are not listening to what she is saying because you are justifying your actions by believing it is "fog".

thanks for the wake up call, I have thought the same way you have, that my actions are a bit needy. I need to know what she and the kids are doing.

The contact the kids thing has gone both ways we have always talked to the kids morning and night.... she on her side called me 31 times in a 2.5 hour period to talk to the girls, this was while she was out of town with OM.

I don't want to be and I am not needy, I miss her yes and I deisre to have any contact with her and I know that is where I am getting it wrong.

So I will work on that, the custody thing is so weird right now she asked for this new custody schedule once the judge ordered 50/50 then she asked for M and W nigths visitation.

So I had them tonight I fixed dinner and we made cookies (I am not gay) and we sent home the leftovers and cookies... Is that wrong?

I am trying to set up a meeting with her tomorrow to go over the girls schedule and activities.... my question should I smile and try and hold a light normal conversationw with her or should it be business and straightforward?

Thanks

Bill

Also to point out, if I look at her or smile or acknowledge her I get I am a stocker, if I ignore her, look away keep my back to her at all times, I get I am unfriendly and not a good co-parent... even at times she baits me with a smile to see if I would responde, thus far I have not responded in kind.

I did for a while have concern of her leaving with the kids, that is why I do go by when I can't get intouch with them, its also out of the ordinary not to talk to them twice daily when they are not with either of us.

My concern is that my cold exterior is just re-enforceing her attitude that I am not willing to communicate. I also think that she fears that if we started to communicate without emotion or anger that she might like who I am again... this has happened in the past, she would keep up the feelings of resentment towards someone so not to have to accept them back as a friend.... This eventually cooled and he would talk to the other person, but in our case she never gets a cooling off period because we always have interaction because of the kids.

VR... from reading your posts I get the impression that you are a man that lives in the extreme.... you are either nice (too nice for her comfort) or you are mean and cold.
Why not just "be" and see what happens. Put away your goal of winning back your WW. As we discussed before... it is up to her to make that move anyway. You just worry about being a father and YOUR activities.
If she did indeed call 31 times in that span of time... I have concern for the both of you. Your behavior would, if I were a judge deciding your custody case, worry me. It is stalker type behavior. If your WW does the same things... I feel really sorry for the kids.
Back off.... get some IC... find a way to stop obsessing over her returning to you....from what I have read here... it may not be a good thing anyway. I know it probably doesn't feel that way to you right now... you just want your W and family intact... but from the outside looking in it appears as though you two enable each others not so great behaviors. Your WW has set up boudries. I would suggest that you start abiding by them.
You are a decent and honorable man. I truly hope that you get your feet under you... your kids deserve for you to be their father first at this point. That should be your only concren. Stop worrying about how often you talk to the kids when they are not with you.... it is her time with them. Work something reasonable out between the two of you... but do not EXPECT that you will get to have it your way.
You should at this point be sticking with what the judge ordered. The order is too new to already be modifying it.

I wish you nothing but the best VR. I think that starts with working on you.

May I just add?? Yes, this was manipulative and sneaky. For you to want to send her a basket after doing this is a little wierd, IMO.