have you noticed that there is a recent influx of newbies who are very ill-prepared and un-knowing of MB concepts ... and who are also seemingly resistant to actually reading the basic concepts?

what do you think is going on?

Pep

I hope I'm not on your list!

I've read SAA, HNHN, LB, Not Just Friends, just about every word on this website, hundreds of discussion forum posts, and participate in regular phone counseling with Jennifer Harley...AND I STILL FEEL ILL-PREPARED! :P

Yes, I have noticed that, too. hmmmmmm Guess we can just refer them to the reading material!

I don't have a "list"

if I did, I lost it

LOL

Pep

When I first came to this site, it was becuase I had just finished SSA and the back of the book said "visit our web site".
So I had all ready read the book and sort of understood the concepts. I think a lot of the newer folks find this web site after doing a web search, and they come here before they have read any of the books.

Also, for me, reading helped to save my sanity!!! Before my Ex left, I never even knew about any of these books. I had never opened a book about saving your M because I didn;t know I was in trouble.

When my WH left, a friend gave me the "Divorce Busters" book, and it was a life saver. I saw that I was not alone, that many other people had been through the same thing, and there were things I could do to help myself and my marriage. At that point I started reading every book on marriage that I could find. just reading about other people who had been through it, and survived, gave me such hope.

1) Resistance to anything but a 'quick fix'.

2) Not enough of the old educated ones giving advice. I've read here since '99 and there used to be some real 2x4's wielded around here. It used to be more like, "YOU need to stop your LBing and your DJs!!! Bring them here but you must change yourself and your expectations. Have you read the concepts? Go read them!" Now it's more like (and I'm trivializing it), "Oh! It's horrible that he/she/they did that to you. Cut off her/his cellphone and see how he/she likes that, why doncha?"

um, Yeah, that'll work alright.

3) Could it also be that in the 'old days', fewer people were online? As the years have passed and computers are now a way of life and not just a 'fun thing to have it you can afford it', people are more used to various forums and message boards, but not as used to such being a part of a bigger plan (like MB or DB for example). So instead of coming here and reading every damn thing on the site, people tend to join and click 'message board' without any of the prep work the 'oldies' did as a matter of course.

~just musing~

I just hope and pray that I came become a "regular". I am preparing for that now.

You are correct, when I came here and was very ill-prepared. But I did listen to you said and I head read SAA, Everything on this site(I even have it all printed out) and just about everything else I can get my hands on and I still feel that I am not equipped. I guess it just takes time and patience.

Actually Pep:

What disappoints me is the number who DON'T stay around.

Make three-five posts and go away.

I registered soon after my MB W/E, but didn't really post until about 8 months later. Now look at me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

And many are looking for easy answers. But they have to hang around to get them. And do the work. And that is difficult for many.

Well, I for one hope that the influx of "lazy" newbies doesn't run you "oldies" off. I have found your input on this board so very useful. To have the benefit of your knowledge, knowing you have walked this road and been successful (either through marriage recovery or personal recovery)is immeasurable. Please don't give up on those that you know are really applying the MB principles.

I am so thankful to have found this site (after reading SAA independently) and so thankful for the sage advice you "oldies" give, whether on my thread or on others!

A big thank you!

IHC

That's a good point Pep. I think sometimes I assume people have read the Basic Concepts. I know when I came here I read everything before posting.

Pep, how about this idea, they are doing the same thing that got them here in the first place?

MB requires a willingness to learn, grow, and change. How many are "not ready" to change, let alone take the time to learn new things?

How many are overwhelmed by their emotions and are just "running as fast as they can?"

How many receive advice from people still in the throes of their own marital disaster, complete with anger and attack?

There are many reasons, but the bottom line with all of it is quite simple....you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

People have to WANT to.....

ZAK LEE what I was a'thankin'

Pep:

Who's ZAK LEE?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How about people getting slammed in their first post for errors in the way they post? Maybe causing somebody who is in one of the darkest places a person can be to run to another place?

I have visited some newbie posts and the advice they got was to use paragraphs.

Maybe a little more tolerance for things like that might keep people around.

Over the last week or so I have seen people being told their M problem should be posted somewhere else because no A had happened or to use paragaraphs etc.

I cannot READ something without paragraphs because I am O L D enough to be developing cataracts ... stuff gets blurry

so
next time I won't mention it
I will simply ignore them

Is that better?

Pep

Pep,

It is not just you. Your advice and guidence is probably some of the best here.

I hear you on the paragraph stuff too. I think you should post to them. When I am trying to read one of those posts I just click and higlight a few lines at a time. Makes it easier to read.

Anyway it wasn't a slam on anyone just maybe a reason some people may be hitting and running.

Frog is 37
Pep is 57

I friggin NEED paragraphs

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Point taken. Getting fiesty in your old age. LOL

Maybe let them know you are old with bad eyes and if you want some of the best advice MBers have they need to put it in paragaragphs and type slower so you can keep up. LOL.

I find posts without paragraphs unreadable as well. I have suggested a few times to a poster they edit and add paragraphs because I can't read them. That's like a handful out of almost 3000 posts.

don't get all uppity with the old ladies Froggy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I can still whoop yer young azz