What about regulars, if not oldies, who don't know and/or understand the BASIC CONCEPTS? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

oh jeeze Mimi ... don't get me started

back to the newbies ....

they have done everything possible wrong ... and have screwed things up beyond imagination ... and then say

"What should I do now?"

like the man who set his house on fire then asks where he's supposed to sleep tonight ... sometimes there is no "fixing" to be had ... just making the best of, and enduring and getting through

Pep

AMEN mimi..

I get more concerned with advice that is not in line with marriage builder concepts..

NOT because I drank the koolaide...
NOT because I don't believe there are times that things need to vary greatly from the basic concepts....

BUT
because we are all guests here on this site and this sites mission has a pretty concrete plan already thunk up...

and the reason why it is the way it is.....

is because statistically ...

it works....

I have no problem with people giving advice against the basic plans...Lord knows I have and do....
but I do believe they should identify them as such....

ARKie

It's easy to get confused and not know what to believe. For people who don't understand how affairs work, the sudden influx of information can all be a little bewildering. When you're in the initial shock of discovery, the concept of Plan A can be counter-intuitive.

I know that when I first came here, I was resistant to what I was told. My WW continued to work with OP, and the EA never stopped. This was correctly predicted by the people here, but both of our ICs and our MC thought it was possible for them to stop the A while working together. When my WW looked into my eyes and told me they weren't seeing each other and that she was committed to working on our relationship, I believed her. As we progressed in the predictable fashion (failure of MC, resumption of PA), people here correctly told me what was happening from my posts, while my MC did not diagnose this.

It's not easy to know who to believe. Telling people that you're getting marital advice from a bunch of people on a web site is a good way to get strange looks. I Now know that this place is an incredible resource--it's spooky how much my WW's affair follows the patterns outlined here, but it takes some time to figure that (like most things) out.

I had cataract surgery and new lenses implanted, and you have to choose "able to see up close vs able to see in the distance". I chose able to see in the distance, so I need reading glasses to see up close. It doesn't make the paragraphs any less necessary. However, if I suggest the poster use them, that's after offering them advice pertaining to their sitch, almost as an afterthought.

I do notice the "Just Found Out" board has quite a few new arrivals, who either don't get much response, or are directed over her to GQII. Many of them seem to disappear rather quickly. I wonder if both are necessary.

I used to lurk on "Recovery" but find I'm compelled to post here on GQII for some reason.

Lord knows there are many in need of assistance. Some, however, are not prepared for the work. Words can hardly describe how difficult this process is for a BS, and it must be just as hard for a WS, but in a different way.

SD

When you think about the information offered to new BS though you gotta admit it sounds insane


DON'T discuss the realationship
DON'T expect instant remorse
DON'T expect instant no contact
DON'T expect I'm sorry
DON'T expect groveling snivvling remorse...

the advice is pretty much opposite to how it is supposed to work...
especially in the movies...

ARK

I started feeling PREACHY the other day...

I didn't like that...

I should have simply said: GO TO THE SOURCE....

[color:"red"] EGG ZAK LEE [/color] ~why~ the newbies need to READ the damn material !!!!!!!

Pep

I will hide in the middle of a long post with no paragraphs and you won't be able to find me to kick it. LOL.

Froggy I love ya ... come closer ... there is something I want to ~give~ you ...

closer
.
.
.
.
.
closer .
.
.
.
.
. *KICK*

I've been here for a little while now, and I have LEARNED MB over time...

I couldn't think clearly for so long, that I took a while to come around; not because I did not believe in MB, but because I didn't believe in ME.

I also had very little faith, spiritually, and I think living through this trauma either forces you to look at your world and God, or you drown in sorrow because you have no inner guidance. I'm still not fully there, but I'm learning in this respect too. Without faith, how can you survive...

Also, keep in mind, some people do not deal well with criticism, and, let's face it, many do not wind up here because they are PERFECT...

I want to say, here and now, since so many Vets are here, bless you for all of your time, attention, and earned wisdom. You are a credit to humanity...

I have also learned to use paragraphs... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

shhh everyone don't tell pep I am in JFO where they don't use paragraphs. If you see her tell her I feel honored I am now in her sig line.

I have finally made it.

oooo, you're so lucky frog; when I grow up, I wanna be in Pep's sig line too....

Pep, don't hurt him too bad! **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL. My pet peeve is the newbie who says something like this "I WROTE TO THAT WS SOB AND TOLD HIM TO GET THE H OUT OF MY LIFE, HE NEVER WAS MUCH GOOD IN THE SACK ANYWAY, AND HE'S UGLY TOO."

"Was that a good thing to do?"

little punk don't scare me

locked & loaded baby

PepodyLane

dat poor fella don't stand a chance! **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MEL!!!!!!!!

when I am at work
sometimes there is a patient just itching for a fight

they walk in pre-pissed

saying nasty stuff and acting all weird

I have been known to look 'em straight in the eye and say

"I've raised two teenagers. There is nothing you can say that frightens me."

... usually, they laugh

and then I say

"OK. Let's begin again ... what can I do for you today?"

it is very effective <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Listen I am not afraid of Pep I was just hiding cause I like to play hide and seek.

We can all play. Heck if Pep is it we will never be found. I wasn't really in JFO and she still couldn't find me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />.

Pep,

Frog (37)
Pep (57)
JL (laughing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> )

Back to the orginal question. I think the problem is volume. So many newbies coming that one cannot even read all of the posts much less offer really good feedback to them all. In the GOOD OLD DAYS, this site had one section, and one could keep up with everyone. Today??? keeping up with even one section is a lot, and more is too much.

Need those paragraphs as well Pep. But, the hearing still works, don't tell Frog that or your kick will miss. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JL