I've waited to say this:

no worries Bottom

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks b. I do cling to these boards. I am always looking for inspiration. I'm sorry that sometimes my posts seem pointless and meaningless, but it does help me to vent now and then.

pre-teen boy books:

Wings by Bill Brittain
and
Holes by Louis Sachar

we like one word titles !!!!

Pep

Look at the number of my posts, Rock, over 17,000 (MORE THAN PEP, IN FACT), and most of them were crying out for help - for someone here to help me through.

Hang in there.

Don't sweat it Rock.

I'm not convinced that the "how to" instructions in SAA are all that clear, especially not to someone in the shock of discovery. Posts like The Carrot and Stick of Plan A are very valuable. Also when the vets come on to threads and say "Okay, here's what you need to do, and this is why you need to do it" are great. I know that I greatly value all the advice I have gotten here. I note that I'm not getting as much advice from vets lately, and I surmise that it's because I know what I need to do and they are spending their time helping the new victims.

I'm sorry I wasn't clear... I meant books about puberty. LOL

MEDC,

Ark had written an article on her talks with teens regarding sex(maybe more than what you were looking for right now), that I kept forever on my computer because I wanted to give it to my daughter. But my computer crashed and I cannot access it.

I'll see if she still has it, because I think it is something you might really like to give your son, if not now in a year or two.

It talks about the sacredness and responsibility and all the rest that goes along with the dicision to have sex.

I'll ask her if she can find it.

weaver, I have written a similar article, but it is written in TEXAS STYLE. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> And you know we don't mince words down here like a silly yankee.

The TALK



Don't be no ho'!

End o story <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

OMG, you're as funny as ever! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank gawd some things never change.

**snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

for GIRLS

my favorite one is an "American Girl" book called

THE CARE AND KEEPING OF YOU

off hand I cannot think of a boy-book as good as this one

Pep

Might be a good idea if I let him read the "girl" book too. It certainly cannot hurt to understand what is going on for a girl... since there is always a lot of curiousity at that age all around! Thanks.

moldie here ~

Pep, people come here in pain and want a fast pain reliever. I think many leave when that fast pain reliever is not immediately evident.

Recovery can not happen without the abililty and willingness of both the BS and the WS to do some honest self-examination. Plan A requires the BS to lead the way, light the path, whatever you want to call it to encourage the WS to follow.

I love when Dr. Phil says: "This relationship needs a hero."

Being a BS doesn't make one automatically willing to do the moral inventory of self and to be the hero that the relationship needs. Self examination can be painful and scary - and without that willingess to sacrifice one's pride and self-will...MB principles are going to be very unattractive.

There is no easy, catchy way to explain to a BS in agony that the way out of the pain, the way to restore one's self esteem is Plan A.

I remember making that decision to divorce my husband, and being at peace because I knew that I had become a better person and I had done everything I could. Plan A gave me that sense of calm and peace. It's just very counterintuitive - and BS who just wants the pain to stop NOW, is not going to be receptive...

There are no shortcuts to recovery - and its a path that I think many BS's just arent willing to take. All you can do is help the ones who want the help. The others have another path to take...

I guess a better way to put it is that BS's come here looking for the way to make the WS stop what they are doing - to regain control of their lives.

If Dr Harley was selling books on how to make the WS stop cheating and lying - people would be melting down the website to buy his stuff.

If the forum was full of people saying WOW, I read Dr Harleys articles and my husband came home and things are great - new BSes would be sure to read the concepts.

But they log in, wondering what it is all about and not willing to invest the time to learn if the results are not fast and guaranteed.

They discover that they can't change or control the situation, and stop reading right there.

I loved the week I was getting ready for church and my DD8 followed me around with the book for girls, borrowed from her slightly older cousin, saying, "Mom, would you like me to read you the part about breast development?" "Sure, honey." I set out the plates for breakfast. "At first, blah blah, breast buds, blah blah, tenderness, blah blah," on and on and on!!!!!!!! "Look Mom, they even talk about girls who stuff their shirts with toilet paper!" (Her cousin has done this.)

Too funny! Sometimes she seems like such an old 8.

This is it BrambleRose, this is the way out of pain and a way to restore self-esteem, it is also a way out of victim mentality mode...back into control.

It is the way we learn to first examine our own shortcomings, forgive ourselves for them and begin our own growth...thereby giving ourselves the ability to forgive others (WS).

Without this very important Plan A marital recovery and even individual recovery is unlikly. At least from what I have seen here.

Neak,

My DD was one of the little girls stuffing her shirt. She wanted to be big breasted in the worst way from the time I can remember. It was awful! An endless source of extreme discomfort for her father, and my sisters. I learned to laugh about it. She was born a highly sexual being, and it's been rough, let me tell ya. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> But alas, she is getting better and even developing some modesty and shyness as she becomes a teenager. Thank you, God!

It's always sooo soothing and such a "growth experience" for me to read Bramble's posts!!

You seem sooo grounded and at peace with yourself and what you believe in...

Bramble, thanks for leading me to the SARK books!!


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

and I KNOW BR has experienced some of my "can't read stuff" ... and then some!

she "gets" me
she had me at hello

Pep