sounds to me like your wife has a problem with sexuality that is easier to express with a device than a living person.
The porn is also a problem. Counseling to get to the bottom of this problem is in order. She SHOULD know that you are aware of this and you shoudl find a solution together through therapy. While I am not against the use of toys... they can be a great adjunct to a sexual relationship... there exists a double standard when it comes to this. I imagine that if YOU were watching porn and pleasuring yourself with a blow up doll at the expense of having relations with your wife that the responses she would get would be very pointed about YOUR need to get mental help. The fact is... a woman "playing" with an artificial penis has become so common that nobody ever stops to think about what is really happening.
Your wife needs some serious intervention.

Some investigation is definitely in order. Find out for sure if it is nothing but incompatible SF drives then you can work from there. My bet though is, it is something or someone else in the picture.

Sorry for the delay in posting. Been home with the W all weekend and the computer is very slow also.

As for your questions and comments.

JKG - That has been my thought for a while. I guess I've been to afraid to find the truth out. Now I've got a part of it I just need to make sure that there is not an OM.

frog - this is and issue we discussed in MC. Her resolution was for me to not show disappointment when the answer is "no" to SF. I am allowed to ask as often as I want but to not get disappointed when I get told “no”. I do give back rubs, given flowers although she does not care for kisses on the neck. I’ve tried to take a bath or shower together but she always seems to get irritated when I try so that one I have given up on. I feel as if she does not want me to fulfill her needs for SF.

Maybe – To say my wife does not want to hug and kiss me on her own is not really true. She does give me a hug and kiss on a regular basis but not really up until I said something about it in MC. One of the things is that you know sometimes you want more than a little peck on the lips and she is not one for that. And yes I also believe that toys are a great side dish. But it seems now she is using them as the main course.

Frog – speaking of different times. As I have found out that she does this in the morning. I use to ask in the mornings on the weekends. I have always loved morning sex and she has always told me that she can not stand sex in the morning. So that is something that makes me wonder? I would be up for SF at any time during the day. She has been the one that dictates when and where we have SF as I have not been one to argue when she says yes or initiates SF.

Mkeverydaycnt – I agree with your assessment. We went to MC and she had a couple of sessions w/ the same person as an IC. I do not believe that anything to do w/ sexuality came up during the sessions. Mostly her family, I do know that he did after the first 2 sessions make her start digging deeper into what was going on. But since she stopped going I have not seen any changes.

Thanks for the replies if you have any other suggestions I’m all ears.

Any chance those sessions in the morning are tied to phone use, or PC use?

Perhaps there is an EA going on, and she is reluctant to take it to a PA, and this is how she relieves pressure, within her current "boundaries"?

Install a keylogger and a phone recorder, very well hidden, and see what you might catch there.

Something is the "cause" for this activity, it's just a matter of finding out what it is.

And, tactfully as possible in writing, is your personal hygiene up to her standards? No offense intended, just trying to cover all bases!

Anything else happening in her life. "Addiction" to any soap operas, novels, TV shows of a relationship nature?

There has to be a catalyst for this activity, now finding it is the key.

Best wishes,
SD

Shattered - I'm not sure about the morning sessions being tied to a phone or pc. I downloaded a free keylogger but it still shows up in the programs list so it would be easy for her to notice. As far as a phone recorder the recorder I put in the bedroom I have been able to hear the phone ring and conversations on it. None appear to deal w/ this situation.

As far as my personal hygiene I believe I'm very clean I take one too two showers a day, keep clean shaven <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. And work out 5 times a week (during my lunch). I am not in top shape but I don't believe I'm a slouch.

She does have an addictavie personality but I have not noticed any soaps or tv shows.

http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/SpectorPro_Windows/index.html

keylogger that works, and hides, will send date to a remote PC.

Hmmm,
now my h has addictive tendencies and he has had issues w/ obssesive porn/masturbation.....H etold me it was usually related to when he was stressed at school or work and/or not feeling very good about HIMSELF for some reason.
what is going on in your wifes personal life?

Could this be a symptom that manifests from depression? Or other disorder? Just thinking "out loud" here...

SD

Is there any chance that she feels like you concentrate too much in giving her too much pleasure?

Let me try to explain.

She has lower S drive.
It's your n1 EN.
Kids.
She also works full time right? day to day stress.
Resentment eventually starts in the form of seing you as always ready and eventually pushing her to SF.

With time as you get frustrated with receiving the "no" she develops the frustration that she's not meeting your needs, specially your n1 need.

Creates a vicious cycle. Resentment takes placee, she blames you for always wanting SF because she feels she cant satisfy you, so everytime you aproach her, even if only for a simple kiss, she gets stresed and distant.

On top of that you like long sessions.
She feels frustrated she cant give you enough, as in times per week, and also frustrated because, each time, you please her much more then (she thinks) she pleases you. (and she might be just plain tired for a two hour SF)
She eventually wanted more "quick" times but you always want long sessions.

She might feel that she prefers "simple" SF. Toys make it pretty simple.

Show her affection and dont expect SF in return.
Try out the "quick" SF for some time (months) and she will probably miss the foreplay and will initiate it, in time.

Now if any of this makes sense, It's really, really hard for her to admit it and tell you about because she likes and apreciates that you want to give her pleasure, she's probably just not willing to everytime. How on earth can she tell you something like this knowing it's so important to you?

Be patient.