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You know what they say about great minds...

~ Marsh

She's having an affair--you just need to find out with whom and then expose. The infidels in my siutation totally freak out (still) whenever they are caught in their lies and spew all sorts of venomous FogTalk. There are times to ignore FogTalk and times to listen to it for the shreds of meaning buried in it, but don't take it as a reflection of yourself. It's crazy talk.

Another reason I think OM is a married man

In her addiction to be with OM, divorce is NOT a priority, yet. It's a consideration but we are months into this already and she hasn't filed.

Their child is somewhat older (15)
The marriage is financially broke
They are separated already
They have a secret rendevous location

When you look at it through the lens of the affair addiction. Divorce must NOT be a priority yet. I bet OM's divorce FIRST is the priority. Either getting him to file one or finish one already filed (which make time of the essence). IF OM has smaller children they may need to wrap up that case first or OM has small kids and refuses to divorce (best case scenario).

We shall see. This isn't sport for me. I am merely trying to help you anticipate some things and realize this is NOT about you. Your wife is a crack head addicted to "feeling good" with another man. OM is likewise addicted to your wife. Think of the strong feelings you had for your wife the month you married her. If someone told you not to marry her would you have really listened. No. You two were APPROPRIATELY addicted. Another thing...that month you married your wife...your feelings were based upon truth, real love and real history together. OM and WW...not at all. It's built on lies, deceipt, sin, betrayal, vampireness, hurtfulness, destruction, etc. which all comes crumbling down often very quickly upon exposure but almost always within 2 years of exposure.

Mr. Wondering

Mr W., it also could be that OM is a TA and she doesn't want him to be discovered until after his school is up, so he doesn't lose his job/funding. I definitely think it is someone that she works with. Those are your prime suspects.

Post deleted by Jayban

Why not pay a visit to your wife's office / desk. Go ask about washing cloths or something. Just spend a little time there and see how she acts. Does she seem nervous or mad? What is she doing at that time? Who is she looking at? Maybe she will give away a little bit by her actions.

Then wait about 3-5 min and go back in. Do a leave behind. Leave a pen or something when you first talk to her so you can go back. Is she on the phone? Is she over talking to someone? Just checking is all.

She may very well get pi55ed at you for stopping in, but she will get over it.

Post deleted by Jayban

I would suggest you hire a PI, and get to the bottom of this, complete with pictures, times, dates, everything you could possibly needs.

This expense now could save you an immense amount of time and money later... JMHO.

SD

Unfortunately, jayban is near bankruptcy and I don't envision he is in a position to hire a PI. He also doesn't need all the information in a legal format as there not much left to fight over and he can't afford a protracted legal dispute anyway. DD15 is to old to really fight over, though I wish he could and the money settlement is irrelevant as long as she isn't going for too much support or God forbid...alimony.

WW is unsuspecting. She's a little nervous but all WS's are. In fact, her tirade today she likely believes was successful to manipulate Jayban NOT to snoop. It's been working so far. Trust me...the addict is so niave, entitled and oblivious to everything around them she is likely very open and blantant about the affair outside of work. Unless...of course, it's a same sex affair, which although unlikely, is not entirely unheard of around here and would be very consistent with the story thus far.

Mr. Wondering

Post deleted by Jayban

Good for you Jayban, you are finally learning to stand up for yourself and take charge. Don't let fear paralyze you, your WW thinks she can use that to manipulate you. Don't let her tear your family apart anymore while you idly stand by. Do something to save your M!

Way too often the biggest obstacle in getting the BS to save his M is the BS's fear. This is the biggest hurdle to overcome, detaching yourself from the WW and learning it is all about the A and not your actions. I think you are doing the right thing. Props to you for fighting for your M.

I understand the bigger picture, and give you cudos for sacrificing to make the PI a player in this. I second what Mr. W and Jim posted to you, as well.

There is a well chronicled same sex affair thread going on right now under poster "devastated01" which you can find about 3 pages deep here in GQII.

In affair-land, nothing seems impossible...

Post deleted by Jayban

We know Jay - (((((Jay))))) < manly hug




You know the things your wife is saying is nothing new here right? She will probable say even more hurtful things than she has. Please remember that this is your WW talking and not the woman you M. Two dif people and they need to be treated as such.

Let us know what the GPS gets

We're pulling for you

If it's any consolation

(and I know it's not going to mean that much today but perhaps over the coming weeks)

It's that:

YOU ARE ONLY 33 YEARS OLD

I didn't get married until I was 30 and I was 32 when I had my first daughter.

Many, many people that come through here are in much more difficult positions. Retired, with no skills and in danger of losing their supporting spouse or losing substantial custody of their very young children, to name a few worse predicaments.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS YOU WILL MAKE IT

and eventually have MANY years of happiness in front of you.

Sure the next year is going to SUCK

BUT ... having endured and eventually thrived through and within such adversity in your life it's only going to make your future good moments that much more enjoyable. You have your health and your youth...two great starting blocks to completely rebuild a wonderful life.

Live it and endure it today.

It's happening to you whether you like it or not.

Further:

FEAR NOT...I don't really see how she can make it any worse than it is today.

You have reached the bottom and I suspect that's what brought you here. MB will help pull you from the hole. You are already making progress. You are no longer paralyzed by fear and WW's manipulation. Sure, you WILL have slip ups and bad days as you emerge (all of us did cause it's not like YOU'VE ever done this before)...but you are on your way up to personal recovery at the least and marital recovery at the most.

Trust the program...it's already working for you.

Mr. Wondering

Another oxymoron.

Try (((((Jay

Slaps on the arm - much less gay.

I was thinking the same thing > ((((hug

Jay,
Hows it going today??? Anything from the GPS yet?

Post deleted by Jayban

I'm troubled to say the least about my DD. Feeling a bit helpless in that regard - I had the school make sure that my phone number and work number are on file and made an individual appt with my DD's counselor.

When I spoke to her counselor, she told me that DD was absent ALL day on Monday, Jan 29th, and that the data is sometimes incomplete. (i.e. It shows she missed 4 periods, but she missed ALL day).

Just a note on that, there were times DD is showing as missing partial days that she most likely missed ALL day.