Wow, the entire school year is only about 180 days, and she has already been absent or tardy 58 of them. That's like every other day. Why was she having so many problems before your WW moved out? I think you have a case for getting emergency custody of your DD. Regardless of your marital situation, you need to make her schooling a priority as well. I'm sorry you have so much on your plate right now. Maybe you should have played the powerball last week.

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Post deleted by Jayban

Jay,

I know it was hard to hear this, but most IC or MC are not that good. All my IC wanted to help me with was D and helping me work out seeing my kids. To make it short - I stopped going to her.

This place here is filled with people who have made it. Many are posting to you.

When your IC told you that she doesn't know what else to tell you that is where this place works so well. You get a plan and hand holding to go with it.

I would not go back to that IC if I were you.

Your M is far from over, it's just hard right now.

Nearly EVERYONE here had a WS that was "emotional divorced" from them.

I take it this counselor's name wasn't Mr. Hope.

I guess according to him, Dr. Harley ought to pack up shop.

Counselor "Hope" needs a spanking.

Mr. Wondering

Jay, many of these MC are useless and seem to do more harm than good as was the case with me. There is really no point seeing a MC unless the both of you are committed to make things work between you two.

Feelings do change and can change, however it takes time and hard work to increase your chances of recovering your M.

BTW, I could related to every single item on the 10 signs your partner is having an A post you made earlier.

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I agree that many MC's are idiots. Most anybody can get through psychology school. (No offense intended but it isn't rocket science). My MC thought eating Thai food would solve all our problems. She didn't last long. Your MC didn't speak to your WW at all and yet said it was hopeless. That is close to malpractice. What a dolt.

Depressed where you? My beliefe is that this can be the beginning of where the WW begins to lose respect and opens herself up to the A by lowering her boundaries to it. She works in an environment where everyone is talking about their futures and they are all understandably bright. Nobody goes to school and think when they graduate that they are going to go out in the world and be a failure. Most actually do but can't see that while still in school.

You are making changes. Your WW hates Plan A. That is normal. What you are doing is upsetting her view of the world. She justifies her A by your bad behavior. Your good behavior confuses her and makes her feel guilty. It is easier for her to say you aren't real - it is all a show - because that fits much better with her concept of reality at the moment. What she is doing is perfectly normal for a WW. My WW did all those things.

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The more you do in correcting those things about you that weren't conducive to a good marriage, and the more confident you are in steps to make deposits in your WW's love bank, the more conflict you will create in her fantasy world.

Make these two things your top priority, relationship-wise.

Conflict in a WW's mind is GOOD!

Keep snooping. Check all your credit card receipts and pay attention to lunches, gas purchases, hotel/motels and gift receipts. Don't get caught, because you will be "invading her privacy".

Keep reading, learning, gaining knowledge, which is gaining power. Pay little attention to what she says, because she's temporarily insane, with the addiction to the feelings she has when with the OM. All these feelings are grounded in lies and deceit, and are only temporary.

Keep the faith...
SD

Just a hunch

Monday nights are customarily a night bar staff gets a break.

Perhaps OM works at the bar.

Why not hide are digital voice activated recorder in the car as well? This passive piecemeal data you are getting is going to take to awhile to accumulate. Where her car is doesn't tell enough.

Tough luck that it was an apartment complex though.

Mr. Wondering

Don't let her know that you know this. Next time she says it is her DD night, you need to get someone to tail her and figure out who lives in this apartment complex. Don't tip your hand too early. See if you can find out if anyone at work lives in this apartment complex. THIS IS THE OM!!! You've found where he lives, now you need to find out who he is. If she were just going out with some friends, she wouldn't have lied about it. Figure out who lives there. This is the key. Don't tip your WW off too early.

Do you know the "just divorced" man at work whose party she went to? I would type his name into an on-line locater and check the address to see if it is the same apartment.

I would consider staking out the apartment complex on a probable night. Waywards seem to follow very predictable behavior patterns in their effort to maintain secrecy. Agreeing to do things at a predetermined place at a predetermined time minimizes the need for contact to organize events.

you work for the same company

check the employee address book for all the men

or

reverse number look up of all the men in her building if all you have is phone numbers

Mr. Wondering

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Post deleted by Jayban

" Last night my FIL told me he planned on sending out MIL to live with WW indefinitely to put an end to all this stuff, get his GD squared away and get WW to work on things (finances, M, counseling IC and MC). "

I think that this would be a pretty big fog horn if you ask me.

Mom living with you, watching all you do. Yeah, that would make an A complicated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Ignor your wife being mad at you. In her mind you are ruining her fun times so she WILL be mad at you.

I see more good than bad resulting from this right now.

I'd rather have FIL there, than MIL

MIL good take the trip down rationalization and justification drive with WW and end up endorsing the pursuit of happiness by her.

Hopefully...not.

Your WW IS addicted. Thus, although it may put a wrench in the affair...the affair WILL continue. She'll just play her mom like she did you and utilize her as a babysitter for DD15, to the extent that is possible.

I also suggest distancing yourself as far as possible from your IL's decision to send MIL. Do not accept any resposibility for expressing concern about your wife to FIL. Your "concern" is predicated on love and protection of your family (of which FIL is a part) and is nothing to apologize.

Demonstrate to the extent possible all your Plan A changes to MIL. Attempt to rightfully insert yourself into her and DD15 life. Allie yourself with MIL. Team up in concern but don't reveal any snooping stuff until you can fully expose the affair.

I was thinking to about the GPS. Unless the car is titled in your name, it's likely illegal in your state, thus never tell anyone you are using it and when you do expose I suggest you just indicate you had a PI or you followed her yourself recording the times. This is why having a hidden voice activated digital recorder is essential...you need more information than just the GPS device can deliver to effectively bluff your way through the wall of denial. If you expose ONLY with GPS information, the GPS device may become pretty obvious. Monday night she may have just gone over to a girlfriends or a friend of OM's apartment with or without OM. If you were actually following her you may have known that by who all was in the car with her at the time. It's too speculative to use just the GPS, the risk of getting caught with putting it in and taking it out it also high considering the value of the evidence being obtained.

Finally, if you used a credit card to purchase it and it's illegal in your state to use it on wife's car you better not get caught using it. Your only defense is that your wife consented to it to give you assurance of trustworthiness living on her own taking her "space" (hint-remember that). I'm speculating but just keeping you prepared legally. She'll use catching you as the "final straw" justification as to why she needs to divorce and may press charges just to victimize you further. It feeds the addiction.

Mr. Wondering

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