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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
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Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Posts: 3,862
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Posts: 3,862 |
I'm so very sorry.
((((Jayban))))
~ Marsh
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Posts: 6,128
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jayban,
I'm so sorry. I know this hurts. What I'm going to tell you may not mean much now but a) the truth is always better than a lie so at least you know what is going on b) OM is not a man. OM is no where near the man you are. He is slime hiding behind your wife's skirt. Get all the evidence you can. Use the video to further expose. OM will be gone in a heartbeat. This won't solve your problems but will make them less complex. I would let the PI go a few days. See if he can get photos of them kissing, hugging - they usually do. WW's always feel completely safe around OM so aren't very careful. If a video only shows her going into his apt, she could claim they are just study partners.
I suggest you keep your distance and let the PI do the job you are paying him to do. That will make WW less suspicious and allow her to make more mistakes. It will also keep you out of trouble in case you might get any stupid ideas in the heat of the moment. This A's hours are numbered. What are you going to do when it is over?
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Jayban))))
So sorry.
At least you'll be able to maintain the secrecy of your GPS system. I hope the PI has some methods for obtaining the OM's name. Maybe the apartment mailbox even has his last name on it or he can discover which car is OM's and he can run a search on the tag/license plate.
Another thing I just thought of to observe...was WW wearing her wedding band? It is slightly possible if OM's really super young and dumb he MAY not even know you she is still married or she's told him you and her are amicably separated. The way she has closed you off and limited your access just seems a little unusual to me.
Mr. Wondering
p.s. - the garment bag and DD15 spending the night out is it necessary to pay the PI to sit there all night. Can't he just go home and come back at 6 am or so??? The 6 hours of billable time may be better utilized following wife tomorrow evening or something.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering) DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Posts: 3,862
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Can't she loose her job for having an A w/ a student?
~ Marsh
Last edited by Marshmallow; 02/03/07 12:20 AM.
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If you have the apartment number it may be possible to discover the students name through the University website or Student address book by searching only for the address.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering) DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,862 |
Keep in mind that OM is probably a student of the University, and WW is ONLY a student at a nearby Junior College. How can they be study buddies?
Yes, we both signed Moral Turpitude agreements at the University we work at. I'm sure her life will become difficult if I release the digital video to her boss and such. Right. This is why she's been so fearful of your finding out. Exposure will kill this A very quickly. ~ Marsh
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Posts: 27,069
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Sorry that happened. I was quite sure there was an affair going on, but one never knows.
So now you have the goods, which makes it much easier - not emotionally. But I spent over 6 months trying to get the truth.
You will need to take your time and decide if you want to try to save the marriage or end it. I wouldn't make that decision right away.
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If you are 100% sure you can confront OM and WW in person without getting violent and your PI is willing to be present, document and protect you then one idea MAY be to plan a confrontation tomorrow evening on hidden camera at the apartment.
PI knocks on the door and indicates he's the Pizza Guy. College guys are oblivious and will open the door for anyone. He can say they are running a promotion in the complex or he got stiffed in the compex (apartment down the hall ordered a pepperoni and they aren't home) and maybe they want it the $15 order for $5, including a 2 litre of Coke. College kid will likely open the door and PI can actually enter the apartment with his hidden camera.
Maybe just you and PI sit in parking lot and on camera approach OM and WW when they exit the apartment on Sunday morning.
The problem with confronting later at home, even with video documentation is you really have no way of delivering any message to OM. You have no access to his world and make life miserable for him. Heck, we don't even know if he knows she's married. OFTEN times I find on MB that the WW's are in way to deep emotionally and getting OM to end the affair is the only way to extricate your WW from the affair relationship.
If you can't KNOW you will control yourself around OM and WW then you must have a confrontation at home likely Sunday night. We can plan this with you. There are some threads that discuss this. I'll look.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering) DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Posts: 6,128
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Or have someone WW doesn't know send a fedEx package to the apartment and require a signature. The sender can later check the AWB to see who signed for it. If you want to be really funny, have the sender mail a photo of WW and OM together. That would be cute.
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I don't think confrontation is a good idea. I caught WH and OW in bed, and was able to remain very calm. Don't have a lot of confidence that a man could remain that calm. But actually seeing them together was pretty much the end of the marriage.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
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Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Don't count on help from your FIL. Hopefully he will support you, but they often go belly up.
When you confront her, she will be angry (angry to be caught, that is) and will continue spouting venom. But at least you now know the real truth.
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Posts: 6,025
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Your FIL secretly on a three way phone call may be a fairly good idea. I have not seen that one done.
Are FIL/MIL co-signors on the house/apartment she leased??? Perhaps they will come into town like they said before and move your stuff back home and help you with your mortgage. Who knows how right they could make this.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering) DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,128
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JB,
Try to keep your imagination in check. You have a huge task ahead of you and you need to keep yourself under control. It doesn't matter how long the A has been going on. It IS going on and it IS an affair. An EA is still an affair. She didn't just move out of your house and decide to hook up with someone on her new-found free time. This was all carefully planned by her to feed her A. She has known about this for some time. You just found out. All this talk of FIL, intervention, etc. - all good things to mull over. Just don't do anything yet. Get all your evidence together. Develop an exposure plan. Stay calm.
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I think Believer is right. You may immediately disclose and three way in FIL shortly after your confrontation with WW.
You can't trust the FIL. He may call WW to chew her out and/or warn and protect his daughter from what could be a volitile situation.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering) DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
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FIL may tell MIL who then would warn WW to keep her from being blindsided.
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering) DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
Member
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Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
Member
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Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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