Your ww actions have been predicted and are right on cue.

All that "Fog Talk" is reality hitting fantasy right in the forehead. Almost heard the collision here in Texas.

Looks like you performed the confrontation and exposure in a sudden blitz - good job. Your WW had no time to arm herself.

I read your first post in the thread and you have made a remarkable change. I admire the fact you took action.

You are making the climb out of the h*ll hole of dispair. These folks you have posted have been wise and you have taken the advice wisely.

I am sure you are curious what FIL will do. I see that he may be at a crossroads.

There is still much to do after this storm settles and the oldtimers will advise better than I - Have a good night sleep.

IF you call him.

Some talking points:

1. I love my wife and have continually been trying to reconcile with her

2. When did you start seeing my wife, I guessing it was about ___________ or earliar which is about 4 weeks prior to when I was blindsided by my wife's disclosure that we had marital problems (be conservative with your guess such that you deliver the message that HE caused your marital problems)

3. Ask him if he even knew she was married

4. ask him to leave her alone so the two of you ALONE can work on your marriage.

5. Probe him for information he may just share with you.

6. Don't make it a testosterone thing (he may even try to take it there himself to rationalize his behavior further)


Some general points...

a. You don't owe HIM honesty and openness.
b. Allow him to believe you have tons more evidence that you really have
c. You could give him hints and indications that you and your wife have been intimate, hugging, kissing, dating, etc. as though she's been playing him as well as you. He does not know your wife that long and will talk as though he completely trusts her but he will have doubts about her honesty. He will believe you .... especially if he's completely been lead astray by WW.

I don't know. Gotta go cook dinner

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

I wasn't either. I don't think any of us were. I had set up an appointment with a lawyer to D my wife so she couldn't sponge off me anymore while she saved up her paycheck for a D and tried to find a job across the country. You should be much more optimistic now that the A is exposed. Faith is always good in times like these. I would suggest reading the book of Job. Just keep the faith. Your WW will be psycho for a week, but keep the faith and stick with the program. You've only been here 8 days, and you've made a massive turnaround. It only took 5 days from my first posting until my WW agreed to NC. Read through the first few pages of my story (pages 1-8) and see how my WW reacted, and how quickly it turned around after that. Make sure you take care of yourself during these troubling times. Hey, it's only downhill from here. You've reached the climax of the situation.

If you talk to OM point out if he has a "relationship" with your wife that means your daughter and that MEAN YOU.

Also if they did marry, which in fantasy land they always talk about it that his future income comes into play in provide your child support since you are going to have full custody, since you had a PI and you have all the scope.... leave him with that let him stew on what you have. Don't give up anything to either of them or anyone... Just say your PI has a stack and leave it at that... could be a stack of bubble gum as far as your concerned.

Jay I want to say that your interaction today maybe be a breaking point for you personally. You did the right things the right way... If you ever feel yourself breaking walk away. no matter what she says, call you a coward call you scare, You need to be the lighthouse now and forever more

Don't flat out lie

Exaggerate a little

and

Make implications

Get his mind stirring

but you remain safe from accusations of lieing

Mr. Wondering

Post deleted by Jayban

Post deleted by Jayban

Did you ask FIL not to let Plan A and Plan B get back to your WW?

~ Marsh

You don't want her reading THIS thread or knowing your strategy.

~ Marsh

Good job today Jay.

I know you feel lost, hurt and wonder what the heck happened to your life right about now.

You are doing the right / correct things here. All these people told you what your wife would do and say, but it doesn't make it any easier does it?

Instead of telling you another point, let me ask you a question. Do you think it could get any worse than it is right now? If you say no then you only have better to go in the future. Skip ahead with the help of all of us and we tell you that it will get better over time.

If you want I'll put a FU MRS WW JAY in my window for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good points Marsh.

Jay, I'm afraid you have to earn your way into this place and you have to earn your way out.

This is YOUR place to bithc, whine, ask for help, ideas or brag. It is yours alone.

Post deleted by Jayban

Fine I'll throw it away. It was a nice one too.



Good idea, try to take care as best you can



D still doesn't mean it's over for good



She only said that she is quitting her job and she only said that she cares deeply about OM. Doesn't make it true. WW will tell you anything to help themselves feel better.



What ever. Let them tell you what to do when it's their M and life on the line.



I heard the same things and felt the same way. We ALL have heard this and felt this. It is not true. PLEASE PLEASE trust us. It's hard to trust words on the screan, but it's true.


Good, you have your goal in sight. Keep it there.

Best luck and wishes - prayers to you 2 nite.

Jay, your WW is probing to see what you know so she can hide the rest and send her A deeper underground. Don'tmake the same mistake that I did by telling you WW what you know. Just tell her you know what she knows and let her sweat.

If you do get served D papers we will help you through that, but until then just concentrated on Plan A.

OM will soon start to LB your WW as the pressure is now on him to show his true love to your WW. Do you think he will fight for you WW? I highly doubt it and soon the LB'ing will begin.

She is in love with the way OM makes her feel...NOT with OM. When he starts to LB her $LB will begin to deplete.

Jay, so many people including my family told me to "get over it" and "move on". Now the same people are saying "have you talked to her", "you should give it another try". Most people act on emotions and when that happens we end up making bad decisions most of the time. Don't listen to what people are saying, just continue to fight for your M.

As for this pushing her farther away...as a smart vet here used to tell me, your M can recover from her anger, but it can't recover is she is in an ongoing A.

Remember A's are like addictions for the WS and once the drug (OP) is removed for some time, they can begin to act normal again. Think of it this way so it isn't so personal.

jay stay strong.... I would be surprised if she really quites, its a mantra for Waywards to through BS in the air, but at the same time you have to listen to everything to pick out when the W talks, right now in your stage its not going to happen.

So what happened today is today's anger, what happens monday is monday's anger, so don't expect her to follow anyone else's timeline, it might be a month until its processed.

So don't start thinking about no fault this and no fault that... 1) You don't want a divorce 2) you want your daughter brought up in a loving and caring home.

So my WW was coached by a buch of laymen armchair lawyers who got it all wrong, but game her enough courage to keep going through with trying to leave the state, until I brought custody up and took her to court... the courts leaned my way, and now she is still her and the OM is still there.... so need to start framing the discussion around the best for the family, no judge will want to know that a parent was pawning their kid off on to friends so they could go sleep with their lover, fault or no fault its just bad parenting.

You are in control, you are the lighthouse. Get some rest don't let nerves and exhaustion get the better of you.

JB,

I hope she does quit her job and follow her heart and her dream. This is part of the fantasy - sacrificing everything for love - for the soulmate. It is all wonderful - until the rent is due. If IL's have cut off support, she will crash fast.

This, if anything, is where I would recommend you enlist FIL's support. Make sure he cuts off the money supply. He can do this without crossing MIL too much. He can keep his mouth shut as long as he keeps the checkbook shut too. I suggest you talk to him face-to-face, tell him you love WW and want to recover the M. Tell him she is lost in a fantasy and is ruining your family. Tell him you know MIL is on WW's side and you respect that. Tell him you know he loves his daughter and wants what is best for her. Convince him that it is you. Beyond that, I would keep FIL at a distance.

This is where my WW broke down. I believe she could see through the fog enough to recognize the harsh reality of poverty when she saw it. OM was nice from her POV - but not that nice.

Remind FIL that only a POS trying to get a piece of [censored] would pursue a married woman. You are the only man that will make her happy in the long run. She is an addict right now.

Hey Jay,

How ya doing this AM? Hope you got sleep

Post deleted by Jayban

Jay, I just read thru your thread, I can so feel where you are right now - I feel like I am in almost the same position.
My thread (feels like dead end). While our moods change wildly from the deepest sadness ever known - to hopefull optimisum, times when I feel that I can throw in the towel, I see my kids and there need to make things work. Only months ago everything was seemingly fine, and thats what I hold onto - whatever is going on now has happened suddenly and I know that it can change back to our advatage just as suddenly, it isn't easy and it may take time to heal & fix but we'll make it through.