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Posts: 326
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BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Posts: 6,128
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FIL is not angry about anything. FIL is MIL's mouthpeice. She knows she can no longer talk to you so she is using FIL.
If I'll criticize anything, it's that maybe you are laying too many cards on the table with the IL's. I won't go any further than to say that personally I would be more guarded. But maybe that's just me.
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I am very serious about this - FIL may not wear the pants in his family but leave absolutely zero doubt who wears them in yours.
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Posts: 810
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Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
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Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
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Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 810
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Posts: 810 |
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Posts: 4,222
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Jay,
Your FIL sounds like an intelligent, reasonable man. Let him know the reason you exposed was because you sought ought one of the most respected psychologists in the field of marriage and infidelity, and he advised you that exposure was a necessary evil to pressure your WW to end the A. You didn't do this to be vindictive or hurt your WW, but you were advised that if you wanted to save your family, it needed to be done. Tell him that you are just as embarrassed as she is, but that you needed to man up to protect your family and your M against this threat. Tell him that you understand when he is upset, but ask him to respect your decision to stand for your family.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
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Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
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Don't fret
Exposure doesn't often result in firing or immediate results.
Exposure is merely the beginning of the end for the infidels.
Affairs thrive in secrecy.
The light of day brings reality to the situation.
Think of it this way. Your wife had to go in an endure a very difficult and REAL conversation with her boss about her inappropriate behavior. That IS reality.
You are doing good.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Jay, don't get down on yourself. You see exposure is also about ruining the fantasy which is built from the secrecy of their relationship. Now that it is no longer secret, the fantasy is tarnished and the A will no longer be viewed in the same light by your WW or OM. They will have to take it deeper underground now as everyone close to them knows and that makes carrying on with the A that much more difficult. You have injected reality into their secret world and that ruinous for A's.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3153604In my case the affair ran its course before I knew or understood what was happening - a bit like your world last month. My boys actually may have done more to stop the affair than anyone else since they confronted both. They dont know how much I know. I think for them it was to prevent me from going crazy if I had found out. Right now we are in better shape M-wise than we have been in years. Since it was never confronted nor truly exposed, I keep my radar on for any symptoms or cues.
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 326
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Posts: 326 |
BS (Me) - 33
WW - 31
Married 14 years, together 17
Daughter: 16 yrs old
Separated: 12/29/06
D-Day: 2/2/07, EA/PA With Co-Worker
Plan B Started: 3/6/07
D filed by WW: 4/18/07
Olive Branch offered (Plan B resumed after): 8/8/07
R Attempt by WW: 9/1/07
NC Established: 9/4/07
NC Broken: 9/5/07, 9/6/07
Status: Plan B, Pt. II (9/10/07)
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Posts: 1,164
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You know where OM lives. Have you confronted him yet? Got any plans to?
Take a friend with you to keep the peace if you don't think you can control yourself. But a knock on the door from a BH might serve as a wake-up call to the OM...at the very least he would know that you know who he is and where he lives.
A casual warning that sleeping with a married woman can carry extreme consequences might be good. No need to elaborate; you're in Texas after all!
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Just to remind you, your goal is not just to end it between WW and OM, it is NC between WW and OM. I would still work to get OM out of his job and out of the school. Confront him and tell his parents.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Posts: 1,466
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((((Jay
No words of advice. Just want you to know I / we are here and listening.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Send him an email from your personal address just informing him of the truth. No threats.
WW is sending you emails to furhter victimize you and say "See nobody cares" and "I'm fine". She wants to manipulate you into capitulation. To give up hope.
Don't give up.
Don't go home.
Stay strong....you are the righteous one here. Stand tall in the face of adversity.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Posts: 1,466
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Jim, I thought you (Mr. new job fancy pants) got a new job and wouldn't ba around during the light of day? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Jay - remember if D happens it doesn't mean its over for good.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Posts: 4,222
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Jim, I thought you (Mr. new job fancy pants) got a new job and wouldn't ba around during the light of day? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Jay - remember if D happens it doesn't mean its over for good. Lunchbreak. I'll be back after I get done working out tonight (~7pm).
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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